As I am writing this, it is a day past your birthday. It is actually the 29th on February, something that happens only every four years. The year we first met, 2008, was a leap year. In one of our first meetings, you joked that you were born on this date, but I was quick to point out your birthday didn't fall on a leap year. Cue nervous giggles. Who would have thought those small talks would lead to this.

The last February 29 I had, I was in a very different place, as you were too. We weren't friends yet; just on Facebook. I greeted you a happy birthday, you said thanks, and that was that. But then, somehow, the universe played tricks on us and decided to bring us together. When I think about the many things that have happened in the last four years, I still find myself shaking my head - in disbelief, in awe, in gratefulness.
To the person who has brought me so much light: happy, happy birthday. Here's to many more leap years, and giant leaps in life with you.

Scout asked me to write about #OTWOL, but after last Saturday's concert (which I attended with my equally-crazed friends), I ended up writing about #JaDine. Kind of the same thing, if you ask me.

I've already been asked before: "Why are you spending so much time on this?" I tried coming up with scholarly, dignified answers - it's something that lets me apply my knowledge on private international law, particularly on the laws on marriage; it's a show whose writing reminds me of the kinds of works I used to study back in college - but the truth is, I just really enjoy it, unabashedly, with no real definite explanation, like a lovesick teenager with raging hormones.

I find the greatest joys in the simplest of things - and sometimes, that means things that aren't high brow, things that aren't always rarefied in taste. But who's to say there's nothing to be gained in enjoying the smoke and mirrors of all this spectacle? There's a lot of truths I've found about myself ever since I've jumped into this rabbit-hole of a fandom - from my projections about my career to my perspective on love and friendship. (For one, I realized I think I'd really love to pore over contracts and litigate in the media, literary and entertainment industry - but that's for another post altogether.)

Most important, I think, is (taking a cue from James and Nadine themselves) the message that life rewards the honest and the patient. There is bravery in quietness; there is strength in forbearance. Sometimes, life isn't just about "pushing." There is also beauty in surrender, and in letting things just fall into place.

*cue Bahala Na* :))

___


Anyway, here's the link to the article that I wrote. Forgive the unabashed fangirly-ness! It's not everyday I get to write about things I love in spaces other than my blog. *sheepish grin*

What happens when life imitates art, and when CLeah’s fiction in #OTWOL becomes JaDine’s gospel truth https://t.co/NuPrdj7H5W

— Scout Magazine (@scoutmagph) February 22, 2016

It's been almost three years, and yet I've never seen him play live.

Except for that one time we played RockBand Beatles at our house, and he dutifully assumed the role of Ringo while I played Paul and George and John alternately. And even though unsurprisingly he got an almost perfect score on the difficult level, it just was not the same. Tapping on plastic circular pads did not give him the satisfaction of actually playing for me, which he had always wanted to do, since I play the piano for him when he visits me at home.

And then we had Saturday.

It wasn't at all planned - we just watched Deadpool and wanted to have a nice, quick dinner after - and yet every single part of me felt like things just fell into place and happened at the right time for the right reasons. It just had to happen now, right before the 14th of February, at this particular time in our lives, where things have changed (including ourselves), yet certainties feel the same and affirmations ring truer.

Over dinner, in the middle of having our unlimited order of meat, he went up on stage with the live band and played songs I didn't expect but have always loved, songs that I've never considered ours but have now laid claim on us. And what a sight to behold: this boy, whom I only used to admire from afar, this boy, who surrenders himself to the rhythm, the way the heart surrenders to its own beat. This boy.

Whatever words I say, I will always love you.

"Are you... are you crying? Because of a puppy video*?"

"But look at it. It's so cute. And pure. And happy. And cute."

"Yeah. So?"

"Don't you find it cute?!"

"Well--"

"It has the Beatles' 'I Will' playing! How can you resist that?!"

"It's just a dog."

"It's not just a dog. It's the simplicity of happiness in that puppy's face. And the beauty of having a creature just looking at you like that and loving you unconditionally. It's having the Beatles ask you, 'Who knows how long I've loved you?' and without you having to say anything, they answer 'You know I love you still.' It's that certainty. That sudden realization that despite what the world throws at you, despite whatever kind of shit you get yourself into, at the end of the day, this love is simple. Love, in its sincerest, most honest form, is easy. It's the look on a puppy's face when you come home after a long day. It's the honesty of a smile when you ask if you can have the last slice of chocolate cake. It's the way your hand is held after the anesthesia wears off, it's the way your tears are wiped away when the antibiotics kick in. It's when you have someone in your life who finally makes you feel like the entire galaxy is in your chest and all the stars make a constellation of the parts of you that you never thought you will come to lose. It's the way he pauses when Paul McCartney croons 'Will I wait a lonely lifetime?' because in his head, he is building you a house and painting you a fence and giving you the rain showerhead you've always wanted. 'If you want me to I will,' he finally sings. And before the song even ends, he looks at you the way clouds look at the moon, and in that instant, you know it's the life you've always dreamed of, right there in front of you. Like an apparition that makes you believe, like a universe that has come to being and has given you the sun."


__

* This is the link to the puppy video. If you can watch it without feeling anything, your heart is made of stone.

Labels: fiction, finger exercises

Last Monday, I went to have new glasses made. The pink one I've been using since law school began suddenly disappeared, unfortunately, during finals week last semester. And while I'm not entirely blind without them (I only have astigmatism and a bit of near-sightedness), life is a bit easier when the world isn't as blurred and I don't have to squint my eyes to read.

The clinic I went to is this quaint little hole-in-the-wall in the UP Shopping Center. It's owned by an equally quirky and fascinating optometrist too, Nella Sarabia, of the renowned family whose stores one sees in almost every mall in the metro. Her shop is nothing like the rest of the chain though - and I mean that in the best, most positive way. Instead of bright lights and giant posters, hers is lit in a soft, warm glow and her walls are adorned with giant historical photos of the Filipino-American war. No intimidating glass cabinets of exorbitantly priced eyewear, just an entire wall of her old, vintage cameras mixed with new ones atop a modest display of classic and eccentric frames. She has history books and poetry books on her coffee table; apparently she used to sell albums of OPM rock bands too. She's a friend of the Eraserheads and The Dawn (in fact, Ely's daughter Una was there to pick up her glasses that day), and she's an ally to many writers, poets, and musicians. (History book writer Zeus Salazar chatted me up while we were waiting for our turn.)

It was a fascinating place of history, music, poetry, and perfect vision.

She glides across the room like a forest sprite and talks in a voice so comforting, almost like an ethereal being. Flowers literally adorned her hair on the day I went to visit, and the pink skirt she wore flowed gracefully down her thighs like a soft petal. She was cool and kind and very engaging. And she was great at what she does. She did magic on my eyes quicker than you can say oculus reparo.

*

When it finally came down to picking my frames, I ended up choosing by instinct - which usually meant going for the pink one, or the one that seemed like it called out to me first. Mine ended up being both. It had a rose-gold body with pink temples. It wasn't like anything I've ever had before, but it felt familiar and comforting. It screamed Karla, even though it looked nothing like what I owned. I loved it.

*

This isn't the first time I visited an optometrist, but it's the first time I did at an actual crossroads in my life. While she was asking me about my life as a student of Malcolm, and the many things law school did to impair my vision, I realized how much closer I am to actually being released into the real world. Law school is, in many ways, an alternate universe equally harsh, or probably even worse, as the real world itself. But for the last four years, we were all still shielded from what was outside its four walls. Sure, we read about current events; sure we discussed the issues. But our lives were confined to the rigors of school, and our worries were primarily anchored on the fact that we needed to study and survive. We moved our schedules around exams, we deliberately gave up social life for acads. We studied tax, but we didn't have incomes yet. We learned about family law, but marriage was lightyears away. Law school is the here and now - at least that was the case for the last few years.

Until it isn't anymore. Granted, I'm graduating later than expected. That gives me a bit more time. But nevertheless, in your fourth year, the light at the end of the tunnel is more than just a faint glimmer now; it's an illumination. It's like finally having a helmet slowly removed, seeing the world again with no filter, and hearing the sounds of the streets clearly and un-muffled.

I'm not yet at the end, and yet I also can't help thinking that it's all so close. The F's are slowly becoming P's. The D's are turning out to be O's. My vision's being realigned again, slowly adjusting to seeing the world again through new lenses.

Am I going to like the view? I still can't say. Unlike my actual eyeglasses, which I was able to pick up just about a day later, I'm still not sure what will become of me once I emerge into the real world, having had my vision "impaired" (but in many ways also "repaired") by law school - and the many ordeals that came with it. My eyes have seen so much, I've always believed, after all the jurisprudence I've read, and yet I feel like I've seen so little. Of the world, of the people, of life. After all the calibrations law school did to my vision (and to my person), how much of my senses have improved? The questions I asked myself while at the optometrist's chair seem like the same questions I will ask when the real world lenses kick in. How will I look? Will I get dizzy? Will it take some adjusting? Is there such a thing as "too clear"? Will the floor seem like it's floating when I look down?

The answer won't be simple nor will it be easy. But if anything, I hope it's as comforting as the glasses I eventually went home with last Wednesday. They fit just right, and I look great in them.


_

Labels: law school, UP

"I’ve been made to believe that a natural progression from a close encounter with death is to have a new perspective on things, maybe a steelier resolve. On some level, this must be what people mean when they ask me now how I’m doing, or if things are back to “normal” yet. Molly and I talk about how our version of “normal” has necessarily shifted, but that’s a functional blanket for an infinite number of things that have slowly moved around, not a sudden tectonic rupture. It’s not that deep, but neither of us are the same."

— Trying by Emma Carmichael,
From The Awl, December 2015

The last couple of weeks have been crazy.

But this article is probably the closest thing I've found that best explains how I'm feeling and where my mind is at (that is not another song). "Being in an accident and trying to make sense of its narrative" is how the tweet that led me to this article was written. And you know how sometimes you are what you click? I guess that says a lot.

Have I figured out how to tell this story one day? In my head, yes. I've imagined it many times over. Will I share it? Probably not now, or maybe ever. Am I having a crisis? Not the kind that people around me think I am.

Yet after all this, the biggest question of all is not "Do you realize how #blessed you are?" or "Have your prayers been answered?" But rather, "Have I been asking right?"

Because I got an answer, definitely, although I have no idea what was the question.

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Nahanap din kita.

The obligatory "Merry Christmas from our family to yours" post! As per usual, it's lunch with the Bernardos and dinner with the Vistans.

For lunch, this year, my Ninong Buggy (who's a chef) prepared roast porchetto with baked potatoes, sundried tomatoes and olives pasta, ox tongue, beef salpicao, beer battered fish and chips with aioli, and melba toast with 4 dips! It's always a sumptuous feast when Ninong Bugs is around.









Then for dinner, we went straight to Marriott where we were also booked for the night. My Tita Karen is home from Bali, so she and my mom decided to treat us for a short staycation for the weekend. We had beef caldereta, sinigang na hipon, pancit canton, and lechon Cebu. The next day, after breakfast buffet, we said hello to Tita Gina at St. Therese's.








And now, I'm at Batangas, where I'm enjoying the vacation-cum-sembreak the only way I know how: by bumming around and eating! Happy holidays, indeed!

I have lots of things and feelings to share about this Christmas, but maybe that's better reserved for my end-of-the-year post. For now, let me enjoy the small things that did make my holidays special, like the company of friends and the pleasure of quiet moments with family. And the taste of my freedooooom! Woohoooooo!

Thanks to a little bit of fate and a whole lot of work, I was invited to the Summit Media Men's Titles* Christmas Party last night. My friend Ria is an editorial assistant for the Men's Health website, and for the last few months, she has been asking me to contribute some light, humorous articles here and there when I have the time. I gladly oblige when she thinks of timely article ideas for which she could use my "skillz," and I don't have much on my plate. It's been great so far, actually, and it's something I enjoy doing because it takes my mind off school. I get to do articles I normally wouldn't have the chance to write, for many reasons. We both agreed I'll be writing them under a pseudonym** and thus far, the name has allowed me to be more risque, more off-color than usual. Which I guess, only translated to better writing.

And so imagine my extreme delight when both Ria's editor and the chief of all men's titles invited me to come over for their Christmas party, because they personally wanted to meet me. #KILIG




It was so surreal being told in person of how much your work is appreciated. This is what I miss most about the workshop - and college, in general. Critique and appraisal. You only ever grow as a writer when you get feedback. And when it's coming from people in the industry you respect, it will always get you floored. (Especially when they personally invite you to continue writing for them because they really like your voice.)Shaking hands with "The Chief," and hearing him tell me that I should never stop writing - it's music to my ears. The fact that people of their caliber respect the work that I do (and my sense of humor! They think my writing is hilarious! Lol) is probably the best kind of compliment I've received in a long time. But probably none more adulatory than actually being invited to contribute for their other titles, both on web and on print. It's (pardon my French) <i>abso-fucking-lutely</i> incredible.<br /> <br /> [Bonus: I felt so starstruck that I got to rub elbows and share chips with Top Gear's Dinzo Tabamo! I just had to take a picture with him - for making-the-boyfriend-jealous purposes hehe]<br /> <br /> I sound like such a douche, right now, don't I? Like I'm pumping my imaginary chest and flexing my arms to show off my metaphorical guns? :)) I'm sorry, I just had to write about this because I rarely get to go out and have a night for the books these days. Hahaha. #sad #whatsociallife

The thing is, I think I've reached that point in my life where I've accepted that writing is not going to be my main career. At least not for now. Law, with all my ups and downs, is something I've grown to appreciate. Now that I'm almost at the tail-end of my law school journey, I've come to like it. And yes, I want to finish it. That, I'm already sure of.

But some loves you never let go. And when opportunities like this present themselves to me, I will always, always grab it. I guess there will always be parts of me that will never be as happy as when I get the chance to put words on paper. It may be trivial, it may not be earth-shattering. But like I said in my previous post, art finds a way. When it comes knocking at your door, who are you to turn it away?


__

* Summit Men's Titles include Men's Health, Top Gear, and FHM. 
** A pseudonym which shall not be revealed for now, but let's just say I call her my party-girl-from-Alabang alter-ego. HA HA HAHAHA. Oh, the many lives we live when we write.

Why hello, internet! I've missed you for far, far too long! I am finally a free elf! Wow, the last few months sure did feel like forever. It's been four years of law school and yet with all honesty I can still say that my favorite part of each sem is when it finally ends! :))

If it hasn't been obvious yet, judging by my Instagram account, I've been obsessed lately with brush calligraphy. This photo is an edited version of one I doodled in one of my notebooks. This is actually a metallic blue pen on black paper, but I had a little too much fun on Photoshop and ended up making look like a vectorized version of its original self. Anyway, I still love it! Seriously considering changing up my logo for the blog now. I wish I can attend a calligraphy workshop this Christmas break - it's definitely one of those things I've been meaning to do but just didn't have the time for. Hopefully, there's one that can pop up somewhere near where I'm living in the South.

With this recent interest in calligraphy, there's one thing I realized: art finds a way. For years, I've been complaining that my life just doesn't have enough art anymore. I hardly have time to read books for pleasure, and I no longer have the leisure of writing for writing's sake. My mind is cluttered with thoughts of academic stuff. I'm always on a rush, I'm always worried about doing something else. There's no time to just do stuff and make art. Which is sad, really, because what kind of life are you living without any semblance of creativity left, right?

But then, I stumbled upon calligraphy by accident. I started trying it out last year and found myself really enjoying it. I'd like to think I've improved since the first time I did it. And you know what? I've come to appreciate the lightness it brings. Doodling makes me feel relaxed; it takes my mind off pressing things, even for a few minutes. It forces me to think of songs to write about, of words that are beautiful enough to be put on paper. It's nothing serious - nothing groundbreaking comes out of my scribbles. But it brings me great relief, knowing that there is somethin g I can still pursue, something I genuinely enjoy and I am good at. It's fulfilling.

For Christmas break, I've downloaded so many TV series, taken note of so many books, and prepared a plethora of albums to listen to. But I also armed myself with new notebooks and pens to while away my time. Art has found its way into my otherwise hectic, frantic life. Time to give it the attention I think it so rightfully deserves.

Happy holiday break, everyone! :) Enjoy the sweater weather! Brrrr!

"Nung college lang, sa class ko sa creative writing, pinag-pasa kami ng short story. Eh naka-uno ako, tapos nagsulat yung professor ko ng note, nakalagay, 'You should share this to the world someday.' Ganun. Edi siyempre pakiramdam ko nun ang galing-galing ko na diba.

Grabe noh? Aren't we supposed to be great by this time?"

#GradStudentWoes

Okay, back to studying!

I was listening to FM radio while studying a while ago, just like I always do, when your song came along. At this point, I shouldn't be surprised anymore. Chancing upon 96.3 Easy Rock means there's a likelihood I'll hear a song you love to sing, because that's your default radio station. Actually, that's the default station of everyone in your generation. (And, of every office I've ever been in, as a matter of fact, haha.)

So I shouldn't be caught off guard anymore when the first few notes of "Betcha By Golly Wow" start playing. This isn't the first time it happened. Three seconds into the song, every time I hear it, and I'm bawling my eyes out.

And yet it's not something I have gotten used to. Not the sudden swell of tears when the Stylistics begin crooning "There's a spark of magic in your eyes..." Not the gasp for air when the chorus strikes and I hear your voice in my head singing along. Not the thought that long drives from Batangas to Manila with this song in the background will be nothing but memories. Not getting used to any of these feelings, even after many months later.

I couldn't bring myself to stop crying; but I couldn't not sing along either. Write your name across the sky, the song goes. And everyday, if I have to - on paper, on sand, on the pavement, on every inch of space I can find - I will. Because your name is home. You were home. And everyday I come to terms with the fact that there's no place like it.

Hey, Tita Gina. I'm alright, I promise. I just really, really miss you.

From my absolute favorite scene in WALL-E. When Eve and WALL-E begin chasing each other in outer space - it was such a breathtaking, beautiful scene - it literally brought me to tears the first time I saw it. It was touching in its innocence; it was poignant in its simplicity.

How true, there is love to be found in the most unadorned, unguarded of moments. When you find someone whose wavelength matches with yours, it does not matter where or how your dance begins. You just realize you're suddenly caught up with the music; you have no choice but to let it take you for a ride. And when you find yourself in the middle of such frolic, who are you to deny what the universe has given you? You just sway and dance along, and let the happiness engulf you.

To my bravest, greatest love: happy anniversary. :)

It's been an entire week of trying to write something deep, something wistful about turning 24. I have had drafts of a blog entry sitting on my task bar for how many days now. Somehow I can't bring myself to finish any one of them.

So, instead, I'll let a song do the thanking, and the feeling, and the appreciating. Sometimes, life takes turns that brings us to directions we never imagined taking. We lose people we love, some we can replace, some we can never recover from. But for everything that changes, life - all its turmoils notwithstanding - goes on. And we continue living it. We have no choice. But, there is beauty in consciously letting go of whatever weighs us down. There is grace in surrender.

Let life take me wherever it pleases. All hands on deck, I'm ready to sail.

"The real life, love, is under the mirror of the surface
So cut my cord I want to know how deep we can take it
See the thing you've been chasing honey
You'll never find it wearing a life vest
You gotta risk your neck, know in your heart it will be worth it

So here we go head first
No regrets and no rules
We can stay as long as we want
Slow dancing in the darkness
And all I know is I wanna be here with you from now on

It's been my fashion to keep my head dry and get my feet wet
Step by step I've been letting you lead me towards the deep end
Well I learned my lesson, honey
Just when you think you're on adult swim
Is precisely when somebody shows you to the ocean."


— "Aquaman" by Walk the Moon

Thank you for all your well-wishes, everyone. I really do appreciate it. Sending all my love. ♥

This video couldn't be more true.

I'm an only child, and growing up, while I had playmates in my mom, titas, and lolas, I was also mostly left to entertain myself. Which wasn't at all sad or lonely. That's just how things were, and it was the only reality I knew, loved and appreciated. I was the typical little girl: I had lots of toys, mostly dolls. And I had a lot of Barbies (and Polly Pockets), which my parents always gave to me as rewards for good work in school or for other special occasions. Each time, I'd make sure to pick a doll that represented something new: a doctor, a teacher, a gymnast, a swimmer, an astronaut, a nurse, etc. And with each doll, I would conjure a lifetime of back stories, and a whole universe of possibilities. I'd make up their names, their family histories, and write down their dialogues. I'd invent catch-phrases and plot twists. I was always so into character, I'd sometimes have notebooks just to take note of the stories I had in every "timeline." I'd make sure each Barbie was different, so that each time I'd play with them, I get to "live" a different life.

Maybe that explains why my imagination ran wild as a kid, and why I eventually found myself being so drawn to reading and writing. I loved finding these stories in each toy, the same way that I loved telling them. It brought me places. You can say what you want about Barbies (and most "girly" dolls for that matter) - that they're fake, that they're not real, that they give girls a wrong sense of self. But I have to disagree; at least in my case, that wasn't what happened. My Barbies opened up a world of possibilities for me. There were Barbies for everything - and that translated to an endless road of opportunities. In my head, as a kid, if Barbie could be a scientist, I could be a scientist too! If she can fly a plane, I could also fly a plane! If she chooses to not marry Ken, she can not marry Ken. It was simple. Barbie had choices. That meant I had too.

I'm turning 24 soon, and practically a lifetime away from the simple afternoons of just playing with dolls. But I will always remember that feeling: of believing that there is always a chance at something great, of knowing that there are versions of me I could still chase after.

Of allowing yourself to imagine everything you could one day become.

Dear self, in a few weeks, you're turning 24, not 14. So why are you swooning like a crazed high school adolescent at the sight of James Reid?! 

But come on, just look at that face. That beautiful, charming, incredibly endearing face.

HOW CAN YOU NOT WANT HIM TO HOLD YOU AND SING TO YOU AT THE END OF EACH DAY? How can you not reach out for his hands and tell him "Naniniwala na ako sa forever"? How can you not lean in and try to— haaaaayy. :))

The other day, I was so kilig with their Jollibee commercials (both the original and the extended versions), I reached for my phone and ordered a burger steak for delivery. LOL. Yes, his face has that effect on me.

And don't even get me started on his abs.

You can judge me all you want, but this fine, fine specimen has been alleviating my stress in the strangest of ways. And I can't be more glad. And FYI, I am not the only one in my many circles of friends who have recently gotten this James-related affliction. Thank you for the daily dose of kilig, Mr. Reid! *swoooon*

Okay then! Sabi mo nga, back to studying I shall go! ♥

Kind of a funny story: these last few weeks I've found myself so caught up in something quite unexpected — a particular teleserye on primetime bida, On The Wings of Love. Since I first stumbled upon a random clip on YouTube, I've gone from lukewarm to completely invested in such a short span of time. Quite interesting that it's a local show this time, because thus far, my list of "Shows I've Sunk My Teeth Into" are all one-hundred-percent Western. One Tree Hill, Friends, How I Met Your Mother, Scrubs, Ally McBeal, The Mindy Project, Suits, New Girl... the list goes on.

And yet, it's always nice to find an exception every now and then isn't it?

On The Wings of Love is actually a pretty uncomplicated story: simple Filipina girl marries working class Fil-Am boy for a green card. She needs him for the legal status; he needs her for the money she's going to pay him. They are forced to live together and pretend to actually be married to convince immigration officials that they're not committing marital fraud. Typical enough to be relatable, but quirky enough to be very amusing.




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Sometimes, I still my find myself shaking my head at the thought that I'm already in my fourth year in law school. Back subjects and a delayed semester notwithstanding, I am finally at that point where I can see the finish line. I've run and toiled enough to have gotten this far: imagine, I'm having my graduation photos taken! In law school! It's still surreal.

Labels: law school, portia, UP

My favorite spot on campus is on this side of the Oval, the one looking onto Melchor Hall (College of Engineering), where I am facing when this photo was taken. The road stretches on before it turns left towards the University Avenue, but from where I am standing, it's just a beautiful, seemingly endless expanse of gray, with lines of yellow punctuating it, and lush greens hovering above it. Always a sight to behold, on sunny days and even after rain showers.

But I've learned to love the side where I have my back turned to as well. That building behind me houses the toughest times of my life, but it's also witness to some of the best. Malcolm will always be hell, but as reluctant I am to admit it, it has eventually become home. It took a while, but there it is.

Oh, UP.

Let me set the scene: 2008, we were freshmen in college, classmates for our first ever PE. We were required to pair up and walk for two hours, twice a week. For most, that's enough interaction with classmates - to end up politely greeting each other across hallways or dutifully saying happy birthday when Facebook prompts you to. And that's fine; it is somehow a feat to still be on minimal contact with a person you spent a few afternoons with more than seven semesters ago. I greet him on his birthday; he likes my posts and comments with something more than a thank you. Fishball tayo, something something, see you around, something something, bonding soon! It's all good. On that front, I can honestly say that Ludwin is definitely a great... acquaintance.

Labels: finger exercises

basta, png. Iisa-isahin ko pa ba ang mga dahilan kung bakit mahal kita?

bangon, pd.: Bukas man o sa ikasampung milyong pagsikat ng araw ay hindi magbabago ang dahilan ng aking pagbangon: ikaw.

balikat, png.: Sumandal ka, ihimlay mo ang ulo sakto sa ukit ng aking balikat at ngumiti bago maidlip, "may tumama rin sa wakas, sa wakas".

balak, png.: Simple lang: ang makasama ka habambuhay, at mula roon, mabubuo na lang sa sarili nila ang iba pang maliliit na balak.

— talá • sálitaan (@makahulugan)

I attended my first ever hearing today! And by first hearing, I mean, the first hearing in which I am making an appearance on behalf of a client, as a law intern of the UP Office of Legal Aid. Sobrang kilig!

As part of our curriculum, when we reach our fourth year (and have finished all Remedial Law subjects), we are required to take Law 138-A and Law 138-B, the clinical education program of the College of Law. The UP OLA provides free legal assistance to indigent clients and allows students to experience practical and actual training in court while doing a great service to the public. Think of it as the counterpart to med students interning and serving patients in hospitals.

Unlike my previous summer internships in Makati, the UP OLA is an entirely different experience because as a law intern, I handle my own cases and represent my clients in all their pleadings and court appearances. While all of us act under the direct supervision of an assigned supervising lawyer and the OLA director, we are the ones who confer with the clients, interview witnesses, prepare documents, and appear in court - the whole enchilada. I guess this is where the UP Law experience cuts itself above the rest: we put primary importance in public service, it's integrated in our curriculum. UP does not credit our internships in private law firms; and regardless of how many firms and courts we work for during our school breaks, we are still required to go through OLA as a way of "giving back" to the State.

It's exciting because it gives us an actual taste of what it's like to be lawyers in court, while still allowing us much leeway for mistakes and learning (thanks to the "We're just law students" card.) Everything is put in an entirely different perspective when you realize that someone else's life is already in your hands. It's incredibly overwhelming - especially when you realize you now have to apply everything you've learned thus far - but also fulfilling when you do something right, when you make someone feel that there is justice and goodness in the world.

Earlier, I couldn't resist the urge to pinch myself when it finally dawned on me that I am appearing before a judge. True, I had my SL with me (as the Rules of Court provide that a law student enrolled in a clinical education program must be accompanied by a lawyer, when he/she is representing in a Regional Trial Court or higher), but he was intent on letting me do my own thing. Even we ended up resetting the hearing because of the absence of opposing counsel, I can still say that this day is definitely one for the books. For the last three years, I've been struggling with my feelings about law school. But today was an affirmation of sorts, a kind of epiphany that says while being in school is difficult, getting a glimpse of the light at the end of the tunnel is so, so worth it. Apparently, there's no greater feeling than finally being able to say:

"Appearing for the plaintiffs, your Honor, I am from the UP College of Law Office of Legal Aid, law intern Karla Bernardo."

~*kilig*~


_

Labels: law school, UP

Boracay, July 2015
Parasailing + Kayaking


A short glimpse of Louie and I's parasailing and kayak rides from a few weeks ago, shot by my Re. Sorry for the very amateur video-editing skills — I won't even pretend this looks decently put together! But it was the best I could do :)))

Definitely more than decent, though, are the stunning views, both of the calm and serene Puka Beach, and the deep blue waters from about hundreds of feet in the air. It was exhilarating to say the least! Both activities were exciting in their own ways: the kayak ride turned us into the Amazing Race wannabe contestants whose teamwork led us into the middle of the sea, wading against the current, while parasailing made us go through a roller-coaster of both completely terrified and extremely giddy in a matter of minutes. (Obviously, I was most thrilled when we were splashed into the water as we were descending back to our boat.)

I wish I took a video while we were on the ATV; however, being the responsible (aka scaredy-cat) driver that I am, I couldn't whip out the camera out of fear of accidentally driving off the cliff. But two out of three ain't so bad: great to know we've conquered land, air, and water all in one weekend! Now, how to conquer fire...? :))



*

Labels: summer

Quite fitting that on the first day of class, I am writing about my summer vacation. Although technically, since UP adjusted its academic calendar, "summer" now meant late July, and the kids nowadays call it "midyear break." But whatever. The sun was out and I was on a beach two weekends ago - sounds like summer to me!

True to last year's word, our high school barkada once again surprised ourselves by actually pushing through with a great escapade - and this time, by plane! I think it needs emphasizing that we are such losers when it comes to planning any get-togethers. For the longest time, we've failed miserably at the idea of "going out" and "getting away. Almost always we just ended up at someone else's house to hang out, watch movies, talk about people, and fall asleep. But thanks to the success of last year's spontaneous Borawan trip, we've gained enough momentum to finally push through with this one. After all, we've gone outside Metro Manila, finally - why not leave Luzon altogether?

And so, Boracay it was.

Yep, the cliched, uninspired, obvious choice for a summer getaway. But everybody flocks there for a reason. And when the opportunity to go there presents itself, you do not say no. And how can you? With its pristine white shores and deep teal waters, it would be a travesty to refuse.

Oh, Boracay. How do I even begin to explain Boracay?




Just like last year, we brought our plus-ones along. And again, like last year, it was nice to welcome new faces into the fold. There's a special kind of gladness that comes with hanging out with the girls I love, and the people who love them. And it's really great to see everyone getting along quite perfectly. It's comforting to know that the most important relationships in our lives - closest girl friends and significant others - are not mutually exclusive, and can, in fact, co-exist happily and hilariously.




Yep, just in case you are wondering, the Re once again made me a happy, giddy, completely satisfied customer. Not convinced? In lieu of a complete, detailed re-telling of our trip, let these pictures paint you the story of that awesome weekend:



We stayed at Agos Boracay Rooms + Beds, which was somewhere in the middle of Station 2. Look at how pleasant and presko-looking the place is! We rented out two family rooms for 6 people each, which was just enough for the 12 of us. The family rooms on the 4th floor have lofts, and were big enough to accommodate all of us. I was actually pleasantly surprised with the place! I wasn't expecting anything fancy, but the hotel looked cozy and homey. And very, very clean too. It's well worth mentioning their customer service - the staff were very accommodating and considerate of us (our flights were delayed upon arrival, and we left way beyond check-out time, but they were incredibly understanding.)















Since we were pressed for time (because of the flight delays the previous evening), we just opted for the activities that everyone really wanted to do. Almost everyone was a first-timer (I think only 4 of us had been there before), so we wanted the best slice of the typical Boracay turista pie in the shortest amount of time. It was actually quite easy to haggle since there were 12 of us! So we ended up parasailing, getting thrown off of the flyfish, and riding ATVs.









































Some other pictures that day are in my regular camera or in other people's phones, like the flyfish and ATV photos. (Will probably put them in later!)

The following morning, we went to Puka Beach, which was a P25 tricycle ride away from the main strip. And wow, I thought the main Boracay shoreline was beautiful, but I was definitely floored! It was the most exquisite beach I have ever seen. The water was so clear, the sand was so white, and everything just looked like it came straight out of a postcard.





















Since Puka Beach was a "virgin" or untouched beach, there wasn't a lot to be done on that side of the island. But they did have paddleboards and kayaks for rent. Of course, Louie and I gamely tried it (after much haggling by Joa and Louie)! We tried the clear kayak, which was for two people. It was so cool! I felt like we were in the Amazing Race; I kept pretending we were rushing to the next pitstop the entire time :)) The waters were soooo blue, I had goosebumps at seeing how clear and deep the sea was just right below us.

I actually took a video of our kayak ride. I placed the Re on my chest, tucked inside my vest! How handy! But when I checked the video, apparently I had some strands of hair covering the lens :))) I'll probably just crop that part out so that I can upload and share the video. The view was fantastic!
















The weekend may have been extremely short, but it turned out to be just the kind of last-minute summer escapade I needed right before school started. There really is nothing quite like a trip with my high school barkada. The jokes, the games, the harmless kulitans - it's all part of our histories that have not changed at all, and I am always grateful for that. When we're all back together, we're just our usual 16-year-old selves again, laughing at the littlest things and making fun of each other's quirks. It's the kind of familiarity that makes you feel that all is right in the world - for everything else that has changed, these guys are my constant.




It's doubly great that we now have our plus-ones into the fold. It's always such a riot! Now we can't imagine going out without bringing them along, because they've felt like an extension of our barkada already. And that goes even for the new faces. Just shows how well we all gel and hit off. The chemistry's just off the charts! :))




The "joke" now is, since last year we went to Borawan, and this year we went to Boracay, next year's stop should be Palawan. Everyone's psyched to go to Coron, and even though I just went last January, I'm already super excited to return! Crossing our fingers that that one pushes through! And I think it will, considering how much fun we had last year and this year. There's already momentum keeping the ball rolling and really pushing us to plan in advance for the next one. Here's to hoping all our schedules match and everything falls into their places by then.

Until then, Boracay, you'll be on our minds!

Labels: friends, summer

As I am writing this, it is a day past your birthday. It is actually the 29th on February, something that happens only every four years. The year we first met, 2008, was a leap year. In one of our first meetings, you joked that you were born on this date, but I was quick to point out your birthday didn't fall on a leap year. Cue nervous giggles. Who would have thought those small talks would lead to this.

The last February 29 I had, I was in a very different place, as you were too. We weren't friends yet; just on Facebook. I greeted you a happy birthday, you said thanks, and that was that. But then, somehow, the universe played tricks on us and decided to bring us together. When I think about the many things that have happened in the last four years, I still find myself shaking my head - in disbelief, in awe, in gratefulness.
To the person who has brought me so much light: happy, happy birthday. Here's to many more leap years, and giant leaps in life with you.

Scout asked me to write about #OTWOL, but after last Saturday's concert (which I attended with my equally-crazed friends), I ended up writing about #JaDine. Kind of the same thing, if you ask me.

I've already been asked before: "Why are you spending so much time on this?" I tried coming up with scholarly, dignified answers - it's something that lets me apply my knowledge on private international law, particularly on the laws on marriage; it's a show whose writing reminds me of the kinds of works I used to study back in college - but the truth is, I just really enjoy it, unabashedly, with no real definite explanation, like a lovesick teenager with raging hormones.

I find the greatest joys in the simplest of things - and sometimes, that means things that aren't high brow, things that aren't always rarefied in taste. But who's to say there's nothing to be gained in enjoying the smoke and mirrors of all this spectacle? There's a lot of truths I've found about myself ever since I've jumped into this rabbit-hole of a fandom - from my projections about my career to my perspective on love and friendship. (For one, I realized I think I'd really love to pore over contracts and litigate in the media, literary and entertainment industry - but that's for another post altogether.)

Most important, I think, is (taking a cue from James and Nadine themselves) the message that life rewards the honest and the patient. There is bravery in quietness; there is strength in forbearance. Sometimes, life isn't just about "pushing." There is also beauty in surrender, and in letting things just fall into place.

*cue Bahala Na* :))

___


Anyway, here's the link to the article that I wrote. Forgive the unabashed fangirly-ness! It's not everyday I get to write about things I love in spaces other than my blog. *sheepish grin*

What happens when life imitates art, and when CLeah’s fiction in #OTWOL becomes JaDine’s gospel truth https://t.co/NuPrdj7H5W

— Scout Magazine (@scoutmagph) February 22, 2016

It's been almost three years, and yet I've never seen him play live.

Except for that one time we played RockBand Beatles at our house, and he dutifully assumed the role of Ringo while I played Paul and George and John alternately. And even though unsurprisingly he got an almost perfect score on the difficult level, it just was not the same. Tapping on plastic circular pads did not give him the satisfaction of actually playing for me, which he had always wanted to do, since I play the piano for him when he visits me at home.

And then we had Saturday.

It wasn't at all planned - we just watched Deadpool and wanted to have a nice, quick dinner after - and yet every single part of me felt like things just fell into place and happened at the right time for the right reasons. It just had to happen now, right before the 14th of February, at this particular time in our lives, where things have changed (including ourselves), yet certainties feel the same and affirmations ring truer.

Over dinner, in the middle of having our unlimited order of meat, he went up on stage with the live band and played songs I didn't expect but have always loved, songs that I've never considered ours but have now laid claim on us. And what a sight to behold: this boy, whom I only used to admire from afar, this boy, who surrenders himself to the rhythm, the way the heart surrenders to its own beat. This boy.

Whatever words I say, I will always love you.

"Are you... are you crying? Because of a puppy video*?"

"But look at it. It's so cute. And pure. And happy. And cute."

"Yeah. So?"

"Don't you find it cute?!"

"Well--"

"It has the Beatles' 'I Will' playing! How can you resist that?!"

"It's just a dog."

"It's not just a dog. It's the simplicity of happiness in that puppy's face. And the beauty of having a creature just looking at you like that and loving you unconditionally. It's having the Beatles ask you, 'Who knows how long I've loved you?' and without you having to say anything, they answer 'You know I love you still.' It's that certainty. That sudden realization that despite what the world throws at you, despite whatever kind of shit you get yourself into, at the end of the day, this love is simple. Love, in its sincerest, most honest form, is easy. It's the look on a puppy's face when you come home after a long day. It's the honesty of a smile when you ask if you can have the last slice of chocolate cake. It's the way your hand is held after the anesthesia wears off, it's the way your tears are wiped away when the antibiotics kick in. It's when you have someone in your life who finally makes you feel like the entire galaxy is in your chest and all the stars make a constellation of the parts of you that you never thought you will come to lose. It's the way he pauses when Paul McCartney croons 'Will I wait a lonely lifetime?' because in his head, he is building you a house and painting you a fence and giving you the rain showerhead you've always wanted. 'If you want me to I will,' he finally sings. And before the song even ends, he looks at you the way clouds look at the moon, and in that instant, you know it's the life you've always dreamed of, right there in front of you. Like an apparition that makes you believe, like a universe that has come to being and has given you the sun."


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* This is the link to the puppy video. If you can watch it without feeling anything, your heart is made of stone.

Labels: fiction, finger exercises

Last Monday, I went to have new glasses made. The pink one I've been using since law school began suddenly disappeared, unfortunately, during finals week last semester. And while I'm not entirely blind without them (I only have astigmatism and a bit of near-sightedness), life is a bit easier when the world isn't as blurred and I don't have to squint my eyes to read.

The clinic I went to is this quaint little hole-in-the-wall in the UP Shopping Center. It's owned by an equally quirky and fascinating optometrist too, Nella Sarabia, of the renowned family whose stores one sees in almost every mall in the metro. Her shop is nothing like the rest of the chain though - and I mean that in the best, most positive way. Instead of bright lights and giant posters, hers is lit in a soft, warm glow and her walls are adorned with giant historical photos of the Filipino-American war. No intimidating glass cabinets of exorbitantly priced eyewear, just an entire wall of her old, vintage cameras mixed with new ones atop a modest display of classic and eccentric frames. She has history books and poetry books on her coffee table; apparently she used to sell albums of OPM rock bands too. She's a friend of the Eraserheads and The Dawn (in fact, Ely's daughter Una was there to pick up her glasses that day), and she's an ally to many writers, poets, and musicians. (History book writer Zeus Salazar chatted me up while we were waiting for our turn.)

It was a fascinating place of history, music, poetry, and perfect vision.

She glides across the room like a forest sprite and talks in a voice so comforting, almost like an ethereal being. Flowers literally adorned her hair on the day I went to visit, and the pink skirt she wore flowed gracefully down her thighs like a soft petal. She was cool and kind and very engaging. And she was great at what she does. She did magic on my eyes quicker than you can say oculus reparo.

*

When it finally came down to picking my frames, I ended up choosing by instinct - which usually meant going for the pink one, or the one that seemed like it called out to me first. Mine ended up being both. It had a rose-gold body with pink temples. It wasn't like anything I've ever had before, but it felt familiar and comforting. It screamed Karla, even though it looked nothing like what I owned. I loved it.

*

This isn't the first time I visited an optometrist, but it's the first time I did at an actual crossroads in my life. While she was asking me about my life as a student of Malcolm, and the many things law school did to impair my vision, I realized how much closer I am to actually being released into the real world. Law school is, in many ways, an alternate universe equally harsh, or probably even worse, as the real world itself. But for the last four years, we were all still shielded from what was outside its four walls. Sure, we read about current events; sure we discussed the issues. But our lives were confined to the rigors of school, and our worries were primarily anchored on the fact that we needed to study and survive. We moved our schedules around exams, we deliberately gave up social life for acads. We studied tax, but we didn't have incomes yet. We learned about family law, but marriage was lightyears away. Law school is the here and now - at least that was the case for the last few years.

Until it isn't anymore. Granted, I'm graduating later than expected. That gives me a bit more time. But nevertheless, in your fourth year, the light at the end of the tunnel is more than just a faint glimmer now; it's an illumination. It's like finally having a helmet slowly removed, seeing the world again with no filter, and hearing the sounds of the streets clearly and un-muffled.

I'm not yet at the end, and yet I also can't help thinking that it's all so close. The F's are slowly becoming P's. The D's are turning out to be O's. My vision's being realigned again, slowly adjusting to seeing the world again through new lenses.

Am I going to like the view? I still can't say. Unlike my actual eyeglasses, which I was able to pick up just about a day later, I'm still not sure what will become of me once I emerge into the real world, having had my vision "impaired" (but in many ways also "repaired") by law school - and the many ordeals that came with it. My eyes have seen so much, I've always believed, after all the jurisprudence I've read, and yet I feel like I've seen so little. Of the world, of the people, of life. After all the calibrations law school did to my vision (and to my person), how much of my senses have improved? The questions I asked myself while at the optometrist's chair seem like the same questions I will ask when the real world lenses kick in. How will I look? Will I get dizzy? Will it take some adjusting? Is there such a thing as "too clear"? Will the floor seem like it's floating when I look down?

The answer won't be simple nor will it be easy. But if anything, I hope it's as comforting as the glasses I eventually went home with last Wednesday. They fit just right, and I look great in them.


_

Labels: law school, UP

"I’ve been made to believe that a natural progression from a close encounter with death is to have a new perspective on things, maybe a steelier resolve. On some level, this must be what people mean when they ask me now how I’m doing, or if things are back to “normal” yet. Molly and I talk about how our version of “normal” has necessarily shifted, but that’s a functional blanket for an infinite number of things that have slowly moved around, not a sudden tectonic rupture. It’s not that deep, but neither of us are the same."

— Trying by Emma Carmichael,
From The Awl, December 2015

The last couple of weeks have been crazy.

But this article is probably the closest thing I've found that best explains how I'm feeling and where my mind is at (that is not another song). "Being in an accident and trying to make sense of its narrative" is how the tweet that led me to this article was written. And you know how sometimes you are what you click? I guess that says a lot.

Have I figured out how to tell this story one day? In my head, yes. I've imagined it many times over. Will I share it? Probably not now, or maybe ever. Am I having a crisis? Not the kind that people around me think I am.

Yet after all this, the biggest question of all is not "Do you realize how #blessed you are?" or "Have your prayers been answered?" But rather, "Have I been asking right?"

Because I got an answer, definitely, although I have no idea what was the question.

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Nahanap din kita.

The obligatory "Merry Christmas from our family to yours" post! As per usual, it's lunch with the Bernardos and dinner with the Vistans.

For lunch, this year, my Ninong Buggy (who's a chef) prepared roast porchetto with baked potatoes, sundried tomatoes and olives pasta, ox tongue, beef salpicao, beer battered fish and chips with aioli, and melba toast with 4 dips! It's always a sumptuous feast when Ninong Bugs is around.









Then for dinner, we went straight to Marriott where we were also booked for the night. My Tita Karen is home from Bali, so she and my mom decided to treat us for a short staycation for the weekend. We had beef caldereta, sinigang na hipon, pancit canton, and lechon Cebu. The next day, after breakfast buffet, we said hello to Tita Gina at St. Therese's.








And now, I'm at Batangas, where I'm enjoying the vacation-cum-sembreak the only way I know how: by bumming around and eating! Happy holidays, indeed!

I have lots of things and feelings to share about this Christmas, but maybe that's better reserved for my end-of-the-year post. For now, let me enjoy the small things that did make my holidays special, like the company of friends and the pleasure of quiet moments with family. And the taste of my freedooooom! Woohoooooo!

Thanks to a little bit of fate and a whole lot of work, I was invited to the Summit Media Men's Titles* Christmas Party last night. My friend Ria is an editorial assistant for the Men's Health website, and for the last few months, she has been asking me to contribute some light, humorous articles here and there when I have the time. I gladly oblige when she thinks of timely article ideas for which she could use my "skillz," and I don't have much on my plate. It's been great so far, actually, and it's something I enjoy doing because it takes my mind off school. I get to do articles I normally wouldn't have the chance to write, for many reasons. We both agreed I'll be writing them under a pseudonym** and thus far, the name has allowed me to be more risque, more off-color than usual. Which I guess, only translated to better writing.

And so imagine my extreme delight when both Ria's editor and the chief of all men's titles invited me to come over for their Christmas party, because they personally wanted to meet me. #KILIG




It was so surreal being told in person of how much your work is appreciated. This is what I miss most about the workshop - and college, in general. Critique and appraisal. You only ever grow as a writer when you get feedback. And when it's coming from people in the industry you respect, it will always get you floored. (Especially when they personally invite you to continue writing for them because they really like your voice.)Shaking hands with "The Chief," and hearing him tell me that I should never stop writing - it's music to my ears. The fact that people of their caliber respect the work that I do (and my sense of humor! They think my writing is hilarious! Lol) is probably the best kind of compliment I've received in a long time. But probably none more adulatory than actually being invited to contribute for their other titles, both on web and on print. It's (pardon my French) <i>abso-fucking-lutely</i> incredible.<br /> <br /> [Bonus: I felt so starstruck that I got to rub elbows and share chips with Top Gear's Dinzo Tabamo! I just had to take a picture with him - for making-the-boyfriend-jealous purposes hehe]<br /> <br /> I sound like such a douche, right now, don't I? Like I'm pumping my imaginary chest and flexing my arms to show off my metaphorical guns? :)) I'm sorry, I just had to write about this because I rarely get to go out and have a night for the books these days. Hahaha. #sad #whatsociallife

The thing is, I think I've reached that point in my life where I've accepted that writing is not going to be my main career. At least not for now. Law, with all my ups and downs, is something I've grown to appreciate. Now that I'm almost at the tail-end of my law school journey, I've come to like it. And yes, I want to finish it. That, I'm already sure of.

But some loves you never let go. And when opportunities like this present themselves to me, I will always, always grab it. I guess there will always be parts of me that will never be as happy as when I get the chance to put words on paper. It may be trivial, it may not be earth-shattering. But like I said in my previous post, art finds a way. When it comes knocking at your door, who are you to turn it away?


__

* Summit Men's Titles include Men's Health, Top Gear, and FHM. 
** A pseudonym which shall not be revealed for now, but let's just say I call her my party-girl-from-Alabang alter-ego. HA HA HAHAHA. Oh, the many lives we live when we write.

Why hello, internet! I've missed you for far, far too long! I am finally a free elf! Wow, the last few months sure did feel like forever. It's been four years of law school and yet with all honesty I can still say that my favorite part of each sem is when it finally ends! :))

If it hasn't been obvious yet, judging by my Instagram account, I've been obsessed lately with brush calligraphy. This photo is an edited version of one I doodled in one of my notebooks. This is actually a metallic blue pen on black paper, but I had a little too much fun on Photoshop and ended up making look like a vectorized version of its original self. Anyway, I still love it! Seriously considering changing up my logo for the blog now. I wish I can attend a calligraphy workshop this Christmas break - it's definitely one of those things I've been meaning to do but just didn't have the time for. Hopefully, there's one that can pop up somewhere near where I'm living in the South.

With this recent interest in calligraphy, there's one thing I realized: art finds a way. For years, I've been complaining that my life just doesn't have enough art anymore. I hardly have time to read books for pleasure, and I no longer have the leisure of writing for writing's sake. My mind is cluttered with thoughts of academic stuff. I'm always on a rush, I'm always worried about doing something else. There's no time to just do stuff and make art. Which is sad, really, because what kind of life are you living without any semblance of creativity left, right?

But then, I stumbled upon calligraphy by accident. I started trying it out last year and found myself really enjoying it. I'd like to think I've improved since the first time I did it. And you know what? I've come to appreciate the lightness it brings. Doodling makes me feel relaxed; it takes my mind off pressing things, even for a few minutes. It forces me to think of songs to write about, of words that are beautiful enough to be put on paper. It's nothing serious - nothing groundbreaking comes out of my scribbles. But it brings me great relief, knowing that there is somethin g I can still pursue, something I genuinely enjoy and I am good at. It's fulfilling.

For Christmas break, I've downloaded so many TV series, taken note of so many books, and prepared a plethora of albums to listen to. But I also armed myself with new notebooks and pens to while away my time. Art has found its way into my otherwise hectic, frantic life. Time to give it the attention I think it so rightfully deserves.

Happy holiday break, everyone! :) Enjoy the sweater weather! Brrrr!

"Nung college lang, sa class ko sa creative writing, pinag-pasa kami ng short story. Eh naka-uno ako, tapos nagsulat yung professor ko ng note, nakalagay, 'You should share this to the world someday.' Ganun. Edi siyempre pakiramdam ko nun ang galing-galing ko na diba.

Grabe noh? Aren't we supposed to be great by this time?"

#GradStudentWoes

Okay, back to studying!

I was listening to FM radio while studying a while ago, just like I always do, when your song came along. At this point, I shouldn't be surprised anymore. Chancing upon 96.3 Easy Rock means there's a likelihood I'll hear a song you love to sing, because that's your default radio station. Actually, that's the default station of everyone in your generation. (And, of every office I've ever been in, as a matter of fact, haha.)

So I shouldn't be caught off guard anymore when the first few notes of "Betcha By Golly Wow" start playing. This isn't the first time it happened. Three seconds into the song, every time I hear it, and I'm bawling my eyes out.

And yet it's not something I have gotten used to. Not the sudden swell of tears when the Stylistics begin crooning "There's a spark of magic in your eyes..." Not the gasp for air when the chorus strikes and I hear your voice in my head singing along. Not the thought that long drives from Batangas to Manila with this song in the background will be nothing but memories. Not getting used to any of these feelings, even after many months later.

I couldn't bring myself to stop crying; but I couldn't not sing along either. Write your name across the sky, the song goes. And everyday, if I have to - on paper, on sand, on the pavement, on every inch of space I can find - I will. Because your name is home. You were home. And everyday I come to terms with the fact that there's no place like it.

Hey, Tita Gina. I'm alright, I promise. I just really, really miss you.

From my absolute favorite scene in WALL-E. When Eve and WALL-E begin chasing each other in outer space - it was such a breathtaking, beautiful scene - it literally brought me to tears the first time I saw it. It was touching in its innocence; it was poignant in its simplicity.

How true, there is love to be found in the most unadorned, unguarded of moments. When you find someone whose wavelength matches with yours, it does not matter where or how your dance begins. You just realize you're suddenly caught up with the music; you have no choice but to let it take you for a ride. And when you find yourself in the middle of such frolic, who are you to deny what the universe has given you? You just sway and dance along, and let the happiness engulf you.

To my bravest, greatest love: happy anniversary. :)

It's been an entire week of trying to write something deep, something wistful about turning 24. I have had drafts of a blog entry sitting on my task bar for how many days now. Somehow I can't bring myself to finish any one of them.

So, instead, I'll let a song do the thanking, and the feeling, and the appreciating. Sometimes, life takes turns that brings us to directions we never imagined taking. We lose people we love, some we can replace, some we can never recover from. But for everything that changes, life - all its turmoils notwithstanding - goes on. And we continue living it. We have no choice. But, there is beauty in consciously letting go of whatever weighs us down. There is grace in surrender.

Let life take me wherever it pleases. All hands on deck, I'm ready to sail.

"The real life, love, is under the mirror of the surface
So cut my cord I want to know how deep we can take it
See the thing you've been chasing honey
You'll never find it wearing a life vest
You gotta risk your neck, know in your heart it will be worth it

So here we go head first
No regrets and no rules
We can stay as long as we want
Slow dancing in the darkness
And all I know is I wanna be here with you from now on

It's been my fashion to keep my head dry and get my feet wet
Step by step I've been letting you lead me towards the deep end
Well I learned my lesson, honey
Just when you think you're on adult swim
Is precisely when somebody shows you to the ocean."


— "Aquaman" by Walk the Moon

Thank you for all your well-wishes, everyone. I really do appreciate it. Sending all my love. ♥

This video couldn't be more true.

I'm an only child, and growing up, while I had playmates in my mom, titas, and lolas, I was also mostly left to entertain myself. Which wasn't at all sad or lonely. That's just how things were, and it was the only reality I knew, loved and appreciated. I was the typical little girl: I had lots of toys, mostly dolls. And I had a lot of Barbies (and Polly Pockets), which my parents always gave to me as rewards for good work in school or for other special occasions. Each time, I'd make sure to pick a doll that represented something new: a doctor, a teacher, a gymnast, a swimmer, an astronaut, a nurse, etc. And with each doll, I would conjure a lifetime of back stories, and a whole universe of possibilities. I'd make up their names, their family histories, and write down their dialogues. I'd invent catch-phrases and plot twists. I was always so into character, I'd sometimes have notebooks just to take note of the stories I had in every "timeline." I'd make sure each Barbie was different, so that each time I'd play with them, I get to "live" a different life.

Maybe that explains why my imagination ran wild as a kid, and why I eventually found myself being so drawn to reading and writing. I loved finding these stories in each toy, the same way that I loved telling them. It brought me places. You can say what you want about Barbies (and most "girly" dolls for that matter) - that they're fake, that they're not real, that they give girls a wrong sense of self. But I have to disagree; at least in my case, that wasn't what happened. My Barbies opened up a world of possibilities for me. There were Barbies for everything - and that translated to an endless road of opportunities. In my head, as a kid, if Barbie could be a scientist, I could be a scientist too! If she can fly a plane, I could also fly a plane! If she chooses to not marry Ken, she can not marry Ken. It was simple. Barbie had choices. That meant I had too.

I'm turning 24 soon, and practically a lifetime away from the simple afternoons of just playing with dolls. But I will always remember that feeling: of believing that there is always a chance at something great, of knowing that there are versions of me I could still chase after.

Of allowing yourself to imagine everything you could one day become.

Dear self, in a few weeks, you're turning 24, not 14. So why are you swooning like a crazed high school adolescent at the sight of James Reid?! 

But come on, just look at that face. That beautiful, charming, incredibly endearing face.

HOW CAN YOU NOT WANT HIM TO HOLD YOU AND SING TO YOU AT THE END OF EACH DAY? How can you not reach out for his hands and tell him "Naniniwala na ako sa forever"? How can you not lean in and try to— haaaaayy. :))

The other day, I was so kilig with their Jollibee commercials (both the original and the extended versions), I reached for my phone and ordered a burger steak for delivery. LOL. Yes, his face has that effect on me.

And don't even get me started on his abs.

You can judge me all you want, but this fine, fine specimen has been alleviating my stress in the strangest of ways. And I can't be more glad. And FYI, I am not the only one in my many circles of friends who have recently gotten this James-related affliction. Thank you for the daily dose of kilig, Mr. Reid! *swoooon*

Okay then! Sabi mo nga, back to studying I shall go! ♥

Kind of a funny story: these last few weeks I've found myself so caught up in something quite unexpected — a particular teleserye on primetime bida, On The Wings of Love. Since I first stumbled upon a random clip on YouTube, I've gone from lukewarm to completely invested in such a short span of time. Quite interesting that it's a local show this time, because thus far, my list of "Shows I've Sunk My Teeth Into" are all one-hundred-percent Western. One Tree Hill, Friends, How I Met Your Mother, Scrubs, Ally McBeal, The Mindy Project, Suits, New Girl... the list goes on.

And yet, it's always nice to find an exception every now and then isn't it?

On The Wings of Love is actually a pretty uncomplicated story: simple Filipina girl marries working class Fil-Am boy for a green card. She needs him for the legal status; he needs her for the money she's going to pay him. They are forced to live together and pretend to actually be married to convince immigration officials that they're not committing marital fraud. Typical enough to be relatable, but quirky enough to be very amusing.




Read more »

Sometimes, I still my find myself shaking my head at the thought that I'm already in my fourth year in law school. Back subjects and a delayed semester notwithstanding, I am finally at that point where I can see the finish line. I've run and toiled enough to have gotten this far: imagine, I'm having my graduation photos taken! In law school! It's still surreal.

Labels: law school, portia, UP

My favorite spot on campus is on this side of the Oval, the one looking onto Melchor Hall (College of Engineering), where I am facing when this photo was taken. The road stretches on before it turns left towards the University Avenue, but from where I am standing, it's just a beautiful, seemingly endless expanse of gray, with lines of yellow punctuating it, and lush greens hovering above it. Always a sight to behold, on sunny days and even after rain showers.

But I've learned to love the side where I have my back turned to as well. That building behind me houses the toughest times of my life, but it's also witness to some of the best. Malcolm will always be hell, but as reluctant I am to admit it, it has eventually become home. It took a while, but there it is.

Oh, UP.

Let me set the scene: 2008, we were freshmen in college, classmates for our first ever PE. We were required to pair up and walk for two hours, twice a week. For most, that's enough interaction with classmates - to end up politely greeting each other across hallways or dutifully saying happy birthday when Facebook prompts you to. And that's fine; it is somehow a feat to still be on minimal contact with a person you spent a few afternoons with more than seven semesters ago. I greet him on his birthday; he likes my posts and comments with something more than a thank you. Fishball tayo, something something, see you around, something something, bonding soon! It's all good. On that front, I can honestly say that Ludwin is definitely a great... acquaintance.

Labels: finger exercises

basta, png. Iisa-isahin ko pa ba ang mga dahilan kung bakit mahal kita?

bangon, pd.: Bukas man o sa ikasampung milyong pagsikat ng araw ay hindi magbabago ang dahilan ng aking pagbangon: ikaw.

balikat, png.: Sumandal ka, ihimlay mo ang ulo sakto sa ukit ng aking balikat at ngumiti bago maidlip, "may tumama rin sa wakas, sa wakas".

balak, png.: Simple lang: ang makasama ka habambuhay, at mula roon, mabubuo na lang sa sarili nila ang iba pang maliliit na balak.

— talá • sálitaan (@makahulugan)

I attended my first ever hearing today! And by first hearing, I mean, the first hearing in which I am making an appearance on behalf of a client, as a law intern of the UP Office of Legal Aid. Sobrang kilig!

As part of our curriculum, when we reach our fourth year (and have finished all Remedial Law subjects), we are required to take Law 138-A and Law 138-B, the clinical education program of the College of Law. The UP OLA provides free legal assistance to indigent clients and allows students to experience practical and actual training in court while doing a great service to the public. Think of it as the counterpart to med students interning and serving patients in hospitals.

Unlike my previous summer internships in Makati, the UP OLA is an entirely different experience because as a law intern, I handle my own cases and represent my clients in all their pleadings and court appearances. While all of us act under the direct supervision of an assigned supervising lawyer and the OLA director, we are the ones who confer with the clients, interview witnesses, prepare documents, and appear in court - the whole enchilada. I guess this is where the UP Law experience cuts itself above the rest: we put primary importance in public service, it's integrated in our curriculum. UP does not credit our internships in private law firms; and regardless of how many firms and courts we work for during our school breaks, we are still required to go through OLA as a way of "giving back" to the State.

It's exciting because it gives us an actual taste of what it's like to be lawyers in court, while still allowing us much leeway for mistakes and learning (thanks to the "We're just law students" card.) Everything is put in an entirely different perspective when you realize that someone else's life is already in your hands. It's incredibly overwhelming - especially when you realize you now have to apply everything you've learned thus far - but also fulfilling when you do something right, when you make someone feel that there is justice and goodness in the world.

Earlier, I couldn't resist the urge to pinch myself when it finally dawned on me that I am appearing before a judge. True, I had my SL with me (as the Rules of Court provide that a law student enrolled in a clinical education program must be accompanied by a lawyer, when he/she is representing in a Regional Trial Court or higher), but he was intent on letting me do my own thing. Even we ended up resetting the hearing because of the absence of opposing counsel, I can still say that this day is definitely one for the books. For the last three years, I've been struggling with my feelings about law school. But today was an affirmation of sorts, a kind of epiphany that says while being in school is difficult, getting a glimpse of the light at the end of the tunnel is so, so worth it. Apparently, there's no greater feeling than finally being able to say:

"Appearing for the plaintiffs, your Honor, I am from the UP College of Law Office of Legal Aid, law intern Karla Bernardo."

~*kilig*~


_

Labels: law school, UP

Boracay, July 2015
Parasailing + Kayaking


A short glimpse of Louie and I's parasailing and kayak rides from a few weeks ago, shot by my Re. Sorry for the very amateur video-editing skills — I won't even pretend this looks decently put together! But it was the best I could do :)))

Definitely more than decent, though, are the stunning views, both of the calm and serene Puka Beach, and the deep blue waters from about hundreds of feet in the air. It was exhilarating to say the least! Both activities were exciting in their own ways: the kayak ride turned us into the Amazing Race wannabe contestants whose teamwork led us into the middle of the sea, wading against the current, while parasailing made us go through a roller-coaster of both completely terrified and extremely giddy in a matter of minutes. (Obviously, I was most thrilled when we were splashed into the water as we were descending back to our boat.)

I wish I took a video while we were on the ATV; however, being the responsible (aka scaredy-cat) driver that I am, I couldn't whip out the camera out of fear of accidentally driving off the cliff. But two out of three ain't so bad: great to know we've conquered land, air, and water all in one weekend! Now, how to conquer fire...? :))



*

Labels: summer

Quite fitting that on the first day of class, I am writing about my summer vacation. Although technically, since UP adjusted its academic calendar, "summer" now meant late July, and the kids nowadays call it "midyear break." But whatever. The sun was out and I was on a beach two weekends ago - sounds like summer to me!

True to last year's word, our high school barkada once again surprised ourselves by actually pushing through with a great escapade - and this time, by plane! I think it needs emphasizing that we are such losers when it comes to planning any get-togethers. For the longest time, we've failed miserably at the idea of "going out" and "getting away. Almost always we just ended up at someone else's house to hang out, watch movies, talk about people, and fall asleep. But thanks to the success of last year's spontaneous Borawan trip, we've gained enough momentum to finally push through with this one. After all, we've gone outside Metro Manila, finally - why not leave Luzon altogether?

And so, Boracay it was.

Yep, the cliched, uninspired, obvious choice for a summer getaway. But everybody flocks there for a reason. And when the opportunity to go there presents itself, you do not say no. And how can you? With its pristine white shores and deep teal waters, it would be a travesty to refuse.

Oh, Boracay. How do I even begin to explain Boracay?




Just like last year, we brought our plus-ones along. And again, like last year, it was nice to welcome new faces into the fold. There's a special kind of gladness that comes with hanging out with the girls I love, and the people who love them. And it's really great to see everyone getting along quite perfectly. It's comforting to know that the most important relationships in our lives - closest girl friends and significant others - are not mutually exclusive, and can, in fact, co-exist happily and hilariously.




Yep, just in case you are wondering, the Re once again made me a happy, giddy, completely satisfied customer. Not convinced? In lieu of a complete, detailed re-telling of our trip, let these pictures paint you the story of that awesome weekend:



We stayed at Agos Boracay Rooms + Beds, which was somewhere in the middle of Station 2. Look at how pleasant and presko-looking the place is! We rented out two family rooms for 6 people each, which was just enough for the 12 of us. The family rooms on the 4th floor have lofts, and were big enough to accommodate all of us. I was actually pleasantly surprised with the place! I wasn't expecting anything fancy, but the hotel looked cozy and homey. And very, very clean too. It's well worth mentioning their customer service - the staff were very accommodating and considerate of us (our flights were delayed upon arrival, and we left way beyond check-out time, but they were incredibly understanding.)















Since we were pressed for time (because of the flight delays the previous evening), we just opted for the activities that everyone really wanted to do. Almost everyone was a first-timer (I think only 4 of us had been there before), so we wanted the best slice of the typical Boracay turista pie in the shortest amount of time. It was actually quite easy to haggle since there were 12 of us! So we ended up parasailing, getting thrown off of the flyfish, and riding ATVs.









































Some other pictures that day are in my regular camera or in other people's phones, like the flyfish and ATV photos. (Will probably put them in later!)

The following morning, we went to Puka Beach, which was a P25 tricycle ride away from the main strip. And wow, I thought the main Boracay shoreline was beautiful, but I was definitely floored! It was the most exquisite beach I have ever seen. The water was so clear, the sand was so white, and everything just looked like it came straight out of a postcard.





















Since Puka Beach was a "virgin" or untouched beach, there wasn't a lot to be done on that side of the island. But they did have paddleboards and kayaks for rent. Of course, Louie and I gamely tried it (after much haggling by Joa and Louie)! We tried the clear kayak, which was for two people. It was so cool! I felt like we were in the Amazing Race; I kept pretending we were rushing to the next pitstop the entire time :)) The waters were soooo blue, I had goosebumps at seeing how clear and deep the sea was just right below us.

I actually took a video of our kayak ride. I placed the Re on my chest, tucked inside my vest! How handy! But when I checked the video, apparently I had some strands of hair covering the lens :))) I'll probably just crop that part out so that I can upload and share the video. The view was fantastic!
















The weekend may have been extremely short, but it turned out to be just the kind of last-minute summer escapade I needed right before school started. There really is nothing quite like a trip with my high school barkada. The jokes, the games, the harmless kulitans - it's all part of our histories that have not changed at all, and I am always grateful for that. When we're all back together, we're just our usual 16-year-old selves again, laughing at the littlest things and making fun of each other's quirks. It's the kind of familiarity that makes you feel that all is right in the world - for everything else that has changed, these guys are my constant.




It's doubly great that we now have our plus-ones into the fold. It's always such a riot! Now we can't imagine going out without bringing them along, because they've felt like an extension of our barkada already. And that goes even for the new faces. Just shows how well we all gel and hit off. The chemistry's just off the charts! :))




The "joke" now is, since last year we went to Borawan, and this year we went to Boracay, next year's stop should be Palawan. Everyone's psyched to go to Coron, and even though I just went last January, I'm already super excited to return! Crossing our fingers that that one pushes through! And I think it will, considering how much fun we had last year and this year. There's already momentum keeping the ball rolling and really pushing us to plan in advance for the next one. Here's to hoping all our schedules match and everything falls into their places by then.

Until then, Boracay, you'll be on our minds!

Labels: friends, summer

Hello, I'm Karla Bernardo. If you Google my name, you will find the Wikipedia entry of a Canadian serial-killer (and trust me, you do not want to read about that - but I'm sure you will because now you're curious), which is why I suggest you type Bombastarr instead so you can stalk me better.

I spent eight-and-a-half years of my life in the University of the Philippines, where I graduated with degrees in Creative Writing and Juris Doctor. It is also where I learned how to speak a bit of Italian, got a taste of the best tapsilog, and took striptease for PE.

I love telling stories, as much as I enjoy finding them.

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Featured Works

Stargirl (Cover story for Nadine Lustre, Scout, January-February 2017)
Surreal / So Real (at Scout)
Ode to a Great Love's 17-year-old Self (Love.Life, Philippine Daily Inquirer)
Postcard from Diliman (Youngblood, Philippine Daily Inquirer)

Writer for Philippine Law Register
A Call to Arms (January 2017)
Expecting the Expected (March 2016)

Former Writer for Stache Magazine
The Hero's Journey (June 2013)
The 8 People You Become In Your Youth (June 2013)
The Best Bad Idea That Is Argo (April 2013)
Mike Ross Remembers Everything You Don't (August 2012)
Style Between the Riffs (August 2012)
Book Lovers Never Sleep Alone (June 2012)
A Spectrum of Change (December 2011)
Digital Art (October 2011)
Elements of Style (June 2011)
In Her White Dress (All-Art April 2011 issue)

Morning After Pill (Fervore: Literary Folio 2013, UP Portia Sorority)
How To Make a Blueberry Cheesecake (Kalas: Kalasag Literary Folio 2011, UP College of Arts and Letters)
January 14th (100: The Hundreds Project, UP Writer's Club)

An Ode to The Pillow Book (at New-Slang)
Introductions (at TeenInk)
One by One (at TeenInk)

   

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Got a comment, question, violent reaction, love letter, or random piece of information you want to share with me? Just fire away. I don't bite.

(I changed my form and went back to Freedback because Ask.fm's being a bitch, requiring people to sign up for accounts before asking questions. Because I love you guys, I tweaked my ask box a bit, so that the questions will now go directly to my e-mail, but I'll be posting the answers still on my Ask.fm for convenience. TL;DR - I'll still be getting your questions so no worries. You're still free to harass me / send me your love.)

Answers

Most Frequently Asked Question

Are you a pornstar?
No, I am not a pornstar, stripper, or your friendly neighborhood call girl. It's just a fancy pseudonym with a long history, and two R's. Rawr.

Bombastarr is my personal blog and my little corner in the Internet since 2005. Yes, I started writing here when I was 13 years old (aka when I was very angsty, hormonal, and always gushing at the littlest things) -- ergo, you'd have to forgive me if you come across an old post that reeks of immaturity and slightly unpolished grammar. I did a lot of growing up here, and from the looks of it, there's still a lot of growing up to do, so I don't think I'll be leaving this place any time soon.

The domain, Bombastarr.com, was purchased on June 2014 and launched on July 2014, on the blog's ninth year (and fifth month, to be exact).

It's crazy to think that this blog is now thirteen years old, because (1) that seems like an eternity in internet years, and (2) that means if my blog were a kid, it's a teenager! That's insane.

Here's to more tales, explosive and otherwise.

If you've been living under a rock and think I'm a threat to world peace or an object of covetousness, sorry to disappoint you, folks: it's just a fancy pseudonym.

As in most things, it started in high school. It began as a joke between me and a couple of friends during our freshman year. We were practicing for a field demonstration dance which involved the use of shawls, and being the crazy-always-trying-to-be-funny person that I was (or I always attempted to be) I started doing poses with the garment. Someone started taking my picture using my phone, and one shot looked like I was posing for those B-list movies (or should it be R-list, as in R-rated?) of the vegetable-nomenclature variety. #IKYWIM. Hence, the word, "Bombastarr." Yes, very cheeky, I know, but for a 13-year-old, it was quirky enough to figure as a username. That was 2005, right around the time I trying to decide on a URL for a new blog. It's been a lot of years since, and what started as a joke became something I've eventually embraced as an identity.

Despite the many other chances I've gotten to permanently move (to Multiply, Livejournal, Tumblr, Wordpress; to a bigger platform where I can earn or use the blog as a venue for commerce), I've come to realize that Bombastarr is something I can never truly leave behind. It is a place I've grown to appreciate and love because it is a place I can call my own. It's a venue for my rants, my views, my writing. It is home, and it is who I am.

Bombastarr is a glimpse of my life: the thoughts, ideas, and stories that shape it into what it is, and what it will still become. This journal has been with me for all my crazy, often embarrassing adventures, but I'm sure there will be more anecdotes and feelings and people to write about. Which is something I'm really looking forward to. After all, you know what they say about the greatest stories - sometimes, there's still a lot that's left unwritten.

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