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leaving on a jetplane.. :)

Finally! After one hundred years.. I am back. But not for good. I'm at an internet shop with a keyboard that sucks. Argh. Our DSL is still in a bad mood so my last-minute blogging has to settle at the internet shop.

I'm 14!! Yaaay! My birthday was a blast. I really thought nothing spectacular would happen, but fortunately for me, my friends did something really special. I came to school really feeling bad because one of my friends won't be able to go to school becayse of rashes. Of all the days, why the 26th?? To my surprise, they "hid" her pala and yun. The real blast startednin Engish, when Jobel said a prayer for me and everybody sang "Happy Birthday". I felt sooo happy. I even wanted to cry (tears of joy!). They gave me balloons, flowers (note: PINK flowers), crinkles (wheee!), ice cream, notebooks, pink stuff and a box with special trinkets in it. They even gave me a small rattle doll and a Sleeping Beauty storybook. Awww! People greeted me along the corridor, and everything about that day was almost-perfect. I then realized how lucky I really am. Like I said before, I really don't see myself as a goody-goody person with matching perfect smile and all. But lasy Wednesday, I almost felt like I am. My friends showed me how special I really am, and though I may not be perfect they love me, imperfections and all. Thank you to all those who greeted me, went out of their way for me and even those who just thought of me that day. Kisses to all of you!

I'm leaving for Thailand tomorrow. I'm sooo excited! It's the new shopping paradise! Whoo. My flight's at around ten I think. Wow. I think it's my lolo's and my late birthday gift. Heehee. I can't wait!! I'll be back by the 1st or the 2nd, I think. Bangkok, here I come!!

I finished reading my gift already. My lola gave me Gossip Girl 3 for my birthday and just yesterday, I finished it already!! Wahaah. I'm such a bookworm. But that's how it really is for me. When I really like a book, I'll not put it down until my eyes go puffy and my stomach grumbles. Hehe. The story was still kind of bitin, but I'm glad about the turnout of some events. Heehee. I'm so excited to buy the next one. What, with all the birthday moola I got, why not?

I'm listening to my new Spongecola CD. Good things happen to those who are last. You might be thinking, "What? She only got Sponge now?!" but I'm actually proud of my copy because it's got a second CD with the Gemini video and remastered versions of their other songs. Cool, right? Lesson of the Day: Wait. Haha.

So I guess that's it for now. This keyboard really gives me the pain in the.. fingers. Ack. By the way, belated Happy Bithrday to Janine, who's birthday was also on the 26th! And again, love to all those who greeted and visited. Take care everyone. Enjoy the sem break.


"i know i can never be enough to replace your whatever.."
- Neon by Spongecola



I truly am a good person. *ting*

I usually see myself as a not-so-good person. I deal with things like any average 13-(turning 14.. hehe)-year-old would do, sometimes in an irritated or hyperactive way. My mood flips 180 in less than 10 seconds and I tend to get vain. I admit that I am self-centered most of the time and I tend to think that the world revolves around me, sweet beautiful me.

I don't expect to be loved by all, and I don't expect to love all either. Love me, then you get love back. Hate me and you'll get all the hate you want. I expect to react to things my way, and I expect others to do my way as well. I get mad like a kid, too. I sneer at other people when I hate them, I raise my eyebrow and act like a little 7-year-old getting angry at her playmate. If I don't want you, then don't push it. That's that. Case closed. I'm such a brat.

But you know what surprises me? When I do things I never expect I could do. I mean, I'm not THAT selfish, but sometimes I just shock myself with all the crazy things I suddenly come up with. Like this one instance for example. There's this girl I really, really dislike in the first year (I mentioned her in my previous posts already). We're really not in good terms. We didn't fight or what, but I just don't like her attitude. She's not my friend and she's out of my circle. But the other day, she asked for a reco letter from me, and did you know what snotty old me said? "Sure." Not the plastic kind of yes but a real yes, as if we've been really good friends. That night I found it hard to right her a reco letter. And yes, I actually had a plan of acting all sweet in a 'plastic' way. But no, I actually made her a true and sincere letter, and I even said I want to become friends. Isn't this a miracle?! A girl I've always loved to hate.. wow.

And take this, I suddenly find attending the early mass every Friday fulfilling. I'm a lector during the 6:00 mass sponsored by the Paulinians at St. Andrew's every Friday. When I was in the first year, I find it really, really hard to wake up at 4:30. I think the only reason I did it was because I was afraid that God (and Sr. Fides) would punish me. But ever since the new school year began, I really wanted to attend every Friday. I want to do it for the Lord, not because I was afraid of Him but because I really do want to serve Him. I find it very satisfying to proclaim the Word of God, even though my audience are the lolos and lolas. And even though I'm not assigned as a reader, I still attend the mass. "Makikisimba lang po ako," That's what I said to my teacher when she asked why I was there last Friday when I wasn't chosen to read. And it's true. I didn't go to mass just so I could read but because I really want to go and ask for God's guidance. So whether I am a reader or not, I wake up at 4:30 every Friday just to serve the Lord. The other day, I never thought my teacher would tell my class and the other class about it and she even gave me as an example to the other students. I felt really happy. =] I love you, God!!!

I know we all have this pasaway attitude within us, this feeling that says it's fun to do things on our own, to don't care about other people and live life carelessly. But let me tell you, it feels better to do good things, really good things every once in a while. When you actually do things for others and not for yourself, it really gives you a feeling of contentment and pride. I pray that I could be more like this all the time. Less self-centered and actually be a help to others, not a pain.I feel really, really good. Just a while ago I bumped into my former "foe" and do you know what I did? I said hi. *wink*

Mind you, I'm not an angel.
That's too much.
I'm just living up the name I gave myself,
Little Miss Nice.

6 days to go.

"these are the moments , these are the times, let's make the best out of our lives.."


the karla survey.

1. I ___ KARLA.
2. KARLA is ___.
3. If I were alone in a room with KARLA, I would ___.
4. I think KARLA should ___.
5. KARLA needs ___.
6. I want to ___ KARLA.
7. Someday KARLA will be ___.
8. KARLA reminds me of ___.
9. Without KARLA, ___.
10. Memories of KARLA are ___.
11. KARLA can be ___.
12. Worst thing about KARLA is ___.
13. Best thing about KARLA is ___.
14. I am ___ KARLA.

Please answer my survey! Hehe. I got this from Gliza and Shari, and now it's my turn to ask you guys a favor. Please, please, please answer it for me. Okay, I know I'm not gonna get lots of respondents here, but what the heck. It's also in my Friendster. :) Yan na lang birthday gift niyo saken.

Haven't you noticed something new in my blog? Okay I'll give you a shot. Try looking at the sidebar. See anything different? Yes? Good. I've made a navigation bar. Yaay! :) This may be a blog site but so what? I decided that I should still give it a little twist by making it a little more personal. So there. Hope you enjoy the new 'features'. The Ask Karla part is still under construction but nevertheless everything else is okay.

Wow only a few days before my birthday! This is really exciting. I didn't realize how fast it's coming because of all the schoolwork. Aaah. One week away. Shiyet. I'm excited.

Blog more later. Got some stuff to do. By the way, I'm loving Chem! Woohoo.
Happy Birthday Mendo!


the big IF.

If I were to name a song that would instantly bring back all the painful memories in the past, it would be She Will Be Loved by Maroon 5. It reminds me of all the bitter memories way back in first year and everytime I hear it, I can't help but feel sad. I mean, the lyrics of the song isn't THAT sad but it makes me feel unwanted and betrayed. Never ever play that song to me because it reminds me of someone and something and some issues I'd rather not discuss.

If I were to choose 5 songs that would best describe my feelings towards someone, it would be:
5. I Won't Last A Day Without You by The Carpenters
4. Crazy For You by Madonna
3. Wherever You Will Go by The Calling
2. Out Of My League by Stephen Speaks
1. Broken Sonnet by Hale

If I were to choose a word that I'd really like to use to describe my feelings, it would be nostalgic. It's the bittersweet longing for the past. Longing for something that I used to have and to hold and now I'm not even sure if it's there. If it's still 100% mine. Or is it?

If I were to marry one local celebrity, I would definitely pick Drew Arellano. He's hot, he's cute and he's smart. I really do like him. Too bad he's taken. But one day, he'll be mine. *insert evil laugh here* Hey, Katie Holmes ended up with Tom Cruise, right? So why can't my dream come true?

If I were to be one superhero for a day I would be Wonder Woman. Enough said.

If I were to visit a country that starts with a letter C, I'd go to Croatia. I want to meet Maksim! And besides, it sounds so exotic and adventurous! Hmm.. maybe I really should go there.

If I were to pick a kind of flower that I'd like to receive on any occasion *ehem*, it would be carnations. Pink carnations. or Tulips. I like carnations and tulips. They look so sweet and romantic. Roses, are well, they're okay but they're too cliche. If I'd get to receive even just ONE piece of a pink carnation or tulip, I'd be the happiest little princess. (Of course it also depends on who'll give it to me!)

If I were to pick a place I really hate the most, it would be an alley full of cats. Ugh. Please. I hate cats and I will never like them.

If I were to LEGALLY get mad at someone for one whole day (and legally means I can do mean stuff to her! Hehe), it would (unfortunately) be the lady guard in school. Argh. She makes me soo sick. She is so irritating. She annoys me to death! I wish they put the OLD administration back. And also the other one is a freshie. I dare not mention the name. Thinking about her gives me the creeps. The nerve. >=(

If I were to be a president for one day, I would put all the people in prison! Haha joke. I'd give everyone teddy bears because I believe we all need a hug. But seriously, I'd talk to all the protesters and anti-administration people. I'll sort things out so that the economy will suffer no more.

If I were to be an animal, I would like to be a turtle. Doing things slowly but surely. If you asked me this a few weeks back, I'd probably say frog since I'll get to be kissed by a prince of some sort, but after the dissection, ugh. Never mind. Turtles have always been one of my choices for pets. I never had one but I think they'll make good pets. (Turtle-owners, is this true?! Disprove me if it isn't!)

If I were to become one famous celebrity for one day, I'd gladly be Audrey Hepburn. She was for me, the most beautiful and elegant actress there ever was. I admire her poise and glamour. I wish I could be just like her someday. "Oh, I love Tiffany's!"

If I were to star in a movie, I'd like it to be 50 First Dates. It's so sweet that it makes my endorphins all jumpy. Hehe. I'll also consider Paris When It Sizzles, Breakfast At Tiffany's, An Affair To Remember and Dirty Dancing 2.

If I were to go to Europe, the top 5 countries I'll go to will be:
5. Italy
4. Croatia
3. Greece
2. France
1. Austria

If I were to wish for one material thing for my birthday it would be the complete Gossip Girl set. I know you'd probably think of me as a poor girl because I only have the first two books but honestly, I don't have enough money to buy continuously one after the other! So yes, I need the whole set. I really need to know what'll happen to Blair, Nate and Serena. Giving me the whole set will definitely make my, not just my day, but my YEAR. Wow. Imagine that. Haaayy. I lurve New York.

If I were to wish for one non-material thing for my birthday it would be spending the day without hearing anything about the people I hate the most or people who have done something that bruised me emotionally. They may not know it but they have greatly affected me in some way. One of them already left (thank God), one of them is still in school in the SAME department as I am, the other one, well I'd rather not mention. She's someone I used to like, but you know well, it's complicated. I'd rather not mention. I do not hate her but, oh crap.

If I were to change one attitude I have, it would be not forgetting. Because unfortunately, I hold grudges. I do not let go of things and people who have hurt me. Whether they are aware of this or not, there will always be a part of me that will NEVER forget what they did to me. Betrayal, stealing, unknown "selfishness" of some sort or whatever, I just cannot forget that. And though I will not literally kill them or hurt them, I will probably forever hold that grudge that THIS person did something to me that I really despise or don't like. And also, there's another thing I'd like to change. It would be absorbing. Yes, up to now, I admit, I still have bottled up emotions deep inside. I just cannot admit them because I know people will call me over-acting when I do. It all somehow boils down to the fear that people will not want me anymore because I have too much jealousy or pride. I admit, there are feelings I want to admit to people but I just can't because I feel like I've said it to them for how many times and yet I still feel the same way. Is there something wrong with me? Why can't I FORGET? Why can't people understand that when I DON'T LIKE SOMEONE, I just don't? Why can't people understand that I feel really bad when they STILL do something that they know I don't want them to do? See, when they keep on doing this, I prefer to just keep all my feelings inside. After all, they don't listen to me anyway.

Whoever reads this blog, no ill feelings okay? You're probably not the one I'm talking about anyway. But if you think you are, well I'm sorry. This is my blog and I have all the authority to say what I want to say. Besides I did not mention any names so how'd you know it was you?

10 days to go before the 26th.
I need to go to school.
I need to see someone.
I need A HUG.

"Stacy's mom has got it going on.."
Boo. Unwanted LSS.


going back.

Oh God forgive me. Yesterday, I killed a frog. I sliced a frog. I touched a frog's heart, liver, intestines, lungs and all the other icky yucky parts. I cannot believe I survived. I'm a frog killer.

Goodbye frog.

I have a very, very beautiful picture of the sky. I took it yesterday afternoon while waiting for the other class. I was so shocked by how pretty the sun made the cloud look like it had a silver lining. It was the most beautiful sunset I have ever seen. Swear. The rays of the sun beautifully lighted the other parts of the sky and the other clouds had a touch of purple. It was perfect. Maybe I'll post it soon. God is so great. Sometimes I want to give up, I just want to surrender. But when I see these kind of things, I have second thoughts. Why leave life? It's so beautiful. There's so much left for me to explore. Maybe there will be better skies or sunsets. Thank God for the beauty of life.

I'm so damn tired of hearing news about rallies and protests. I mean, it's not that I don't care. It's just that, it won't stop. Everyday, every week. It's just so sad. Good thing there are still things to smile about. Like the Pacquiao brothers and Lara Quigaman. Despite the many turmoils, they still make me feel proud to be a Filipino. I'm so sick of having to write essays about how difficult the situation is and all that. That's why I wrote a haiku about the Pacquiao brothers for SocSci. It may not be as dramatic as the other's works but hey, at least mine doesn't give off such negative vibes.

Today we went to Adamson University, formerly St. Theresa's College Manila, the school where my mom spent her kindergarten & grade school years. We had mass and the homily was really nice. Even though I'm not a Theresian (and my mo says she's more of a Paulinian), I can totally relate to what the priest was saying. St. Theresa's is an exclusive school for girls and was one of the best private schools in Manila. It closed it doors in 1980 and gave its keys to Adamson. The Theresians never failed to celebrate and hold reunions. every year, but this time they decided to go back to where they really belong, in the San Marcelino campus. The priest was saying something about the "grace of physical memory." Why go back to this place which is not St. Theresa's anymore? Why not go to STC-Quezon City? Because, he said, that is where your heart is. In that same campus, in that same quadrangle. He also said something about babies inside the womb. Normally we think that unborn babies have no feelings, no emotions, no thoughts. But what we don't know is that the biggest development and formation of a baby's life happens inside the womb. And STC (or in my case, SPCP) can be compared to that. Our alma mater is the place where we grow and learn to be the people we will be in life. I was very moved by his homily. Most of the time, I take my school for granted. I hate the new administration, I hate the new "sidewalks", I hate the new policies, I hate the teachers (not all of them though), I hate the subjects. But someday, I'm gonna miss them. I'm going to miss walking down the halls, I'm going to miss singing the hymn that will forever echoe in my head. And I have to admit, most of my beliefs and my opinions were largely influenced by my stay here in St. Paul College. I have 2 years and a half of a school year to go. Barely enough time to witness great changes or miracles. Soon, this school will be just a memory, just a place I will look back to someday. While I'm still in it, I promise I will try to make the most out of it as possible.

"Sweet are the days of girlhood, when friends we loved and cared
those golden links of childhood, whose sympathy we share..
do stay and while the hours away, with us in work and play,
and when we leave our dear old school,
these memories we'll recall,
these memories we'll recall..

Hark! Daughters of the great St. Paul!"

I want a hug.



1. The disection of frogs was postponed.
2. We were only half-day today so Hurrah!
3. Today is the official start of the second semester and I am so excited to have Physics on Friday! Miss Toledo, alright! I know I'm gonna love that subject.
4. The recollection tomorrow was cancelled.
5. But the confession today pushed through.

I feel so sleepy and yet I still managed to drag myself out of the bed and blog. Well I also have to do my assignment in SocSci so I can say that I am using the computer legally. Anyway, I still feel a little bad today. It's as if a part of me is missing but I just can't figure out what it is. It's as if I'm incomplete today. I feel like something or someone is missing and I can't quite put my finger on it. I feel so bothered. What is happening to me? Am I going crazy again? I hope this is not the start of another weird syndrome.
Have you ever felt so jealous of someone you know you shouldn't be jealous of? Say, a friend's friend, for example. Let's call them A and B. A always tells B to take care and eat meals and all that, and there's no problem with that since there's nothing going on between A & B. But you can't help but feel really envious because it's as if A is always B's first priority. B doesn't even tell you if she's going to meet up with A. You like A but there's just something about her that makes you dislike her. When they fight, B is sooo sad but when you fight it's as if she doesn't care at all. You have no right to be jealous of A because A is well, not in your level. There can never really be anything more between her and B but just really best friends. But it's driving you insane because B is always there when A calls for her and oh God she can never ever say no to her. B keeps secrets from you because of A and though you wouldn't want to think ill about them, you can't help but feel really mad and sad that B is sort of ditching you for A.

I know it's a complicated situation but hey, it happens to some of us. It's just a thought. It's one of the things that's bothering me right now. I can't just forget about this. And I can't just blurt it out either. B would really get hurt if she finds out that I have this grudge on A. And I don't want that to happen. But I still feel bad. Really bad. Sigh.

My birthday's coming up. I'm really excited although I'm just really not showing it. I always feel all giddy and happy every year when my birthday is drawing closer. It's as if no matter how many problems I have, i must smile for my day is about to come. It's an escape to reality. For one whole day, I could forget about them, no one can piss me off because it's MY day, my special day. Everytime treats you nicely, gives you gifts, makes you feel happy, nothing ever goes wrong. For that whole 24 hours, I feel like a true princess. I enjoy every minute of it and my smile is plastered across my face for the whole day. When people question your weird or happy or unexplainable behavior, you just have to say, "It's my birthday today!" It's like your license to whatever you do on that day. It makes you forget "real life" and live your "fantasy" (okay not really fantasy, but a day that is not ordinary) life, even for just a few hours. So when is your day of delight? Mine's 14 more days to go. :)

It's 4:30 and I'm still not finished with that freakin' Soc Sci assignment. I have to go.
I changed the chatbox by the way. The Tag-board one was f*cked up. I don't know what happened. Oh well, keep on commenting and tagging, okay?

"and i won't last a day without you.."


froggy frog day.

I am soo happy today. I got very good scores in Soc Sci and English! I can't believe that all my late night study sessions paid off. I'm so happy. My mom was right. All those sacrifices will bring me good fruits in the end. And it did. Mothers know best.

Tomorrow we're going to disect frogs. Eww. Hope is my lab partner and I'm glad she's the one who's supposed to bring it. We already disected frogs back in 6th Grade and believe me I really pitied the frog! I wanted to cry when we were slicing its body. The formaline solution (is that what you call it?) didn't seem to work and so I assumed he was feeling the knife slowly cutting through his skin. He was moving in pain and I swear if he had a voice he would probably yell out an ear-piercing scream. I hope our frog tomorrow will be asleep or numb when we perform the experiment so that I wouldn't have to sob while looking at his open body.

Speaking of frogs, I suddenly remembered the story of the Frog Prince (the fairy tale, not the chinovela). I was watching an episode of Sabrina the Teenage Witch and it was about Sabrina kissing Harvey and turning him into a frog. It's a sort of witch thing about first kisses between mortals and witches. She has to take the test of true love and kiss him again (as a frog) to turn him back into a human. It's really sweet, you know? It makes me wonder, what if I have to kiss a frog to prove my undying love to someone? Would I take the risk? Would I be brave enough to let my lips TOUCH the grimy and slimy frog? I don't know. Maybe I will, if I really love that person. I mean, if that is the only way to let him know that I really my love is real, then why not? If you think about it, the frog could symbolize your partner's imperfections. Would you still kiss your loved one even if he or she has messy hair, is lazy, has pimples or whatnot? Of course you will, because you love him/her. It's about accepting him/her even though it means taking chances and having to adjust because of his/her weaknesses. Haaay. The feeling of love has got me all mushy again.

Yaay we already have a frog! Is he my prince? Naah.

Kiss me beneath the milky twilight..
Ribbit, ribbit.
so kiss me.



Yaay new layout! it's called Bittersweet featuring a picture of the sunset. Don't you find sunsets amazing? I mean, they are so beautiful. Everytime I look at one, I can't help but feel in love, happy, sad, excited, all kinds of emotions. I don't always get to catch the sunset but everytime I do, it's always in that perfect orange-y color, the sun about to rest. It leaves a feeling of hope that tomorrow will be a new day. I always feel relaxed and relieved when I see it, especially after a very tiring day. It's as if the sun carries my problems away with it and leaves me with calmness and serenity. And this picture, is definitely one of the best sunsets I have ever seen. It just makes me want to smile. Thank You, Lord for giving us very special sunsets not once, but everday in our lives.
How many days left till my birthday? I'm not counting. It seems like it's sooo far away. But I'm excited about it. And also our trip to Bangkok! Can't wait! Shopping. Wow.
By the way, our recollection's on Thursday. DOn't forget your reco letters.


i'm back. am i dreaming?

WOW after how many weeks.. I am really back. So what's been happening with me?
1. PTs are over. Whew. I hope it turns out good.
2. It's October! Who's birthday is coming up?
3. I'm excited about our Bangkok trip.
4. I play the guitar na! It's for music.
5. I'm tired (as usual).
I haven't been getting any real sleep these past weeks. I haven't even completed 8 hours. I feel so tired everyday, but what can I do? Time won't let me sleep as dreamily as before. Lots of homework, projects, quizzes. Argh. It's enough to make one insane. I'm so drained. I need some energy-boosters. Haha.
These days, I've been hooked with my guitar (well actually, my cousin's) just because we have to learn how to play it for Music. I can play basic chords already! Yaay, achievement. I don't know if I'm going to really play this passionately as I play the piano. But oh well, nothing's wrong with being multi.. uhm, multi-instrumented? Haha.
No time to blog about lots of things. But promise, I'll get you updated as soon as I'm flush. And thanks to all the who commented and tagged. Love to all.