Atty. Jennifer Walters, She-Hulk
Taking a break from reviewing for SPIT (Special Problems in Taxation); currently reading an issue of She-Hulk from the 2014-2015 run.
Because I need to remind myself that I want to be a lawyer.
Jennifer Walters is most definitely my favorite Marvel comic character, in large part because of her profession, but also because I feel like I identify most with her personality. She just does her job, and she does it well. She's a bit kooky, and different, but she gets things done. That's the kinda girl I wanna be.
The Civil War issue, while different in the comics from the movies, is ripe with legal implications and consequences. She was an active #TeamIronMan member in the comics; in fact there was a significant part where she and Tony were discussing the ramifications of the divide. For that reason alone, I kinda wished She-Hulk was in the movies, just so I can see how her knowledge of the law will apply (and if it will be the same as my arguments haha). But I'm really interested in the cases she handles in the Marvel comics, just because it has the right amount of realism, despite the presence of superheroes and super villains. The dialogue is not so alienating for people who do not study the law, but for those who do, the small easter eggs are priceless.
Man, if only may superhero law lang na field talaga! I would definitely sign up as an apprentice for She-Hulk's firm!
(Okay, back to studying.)
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A Secret Garden: Portia Ball 2016
This year marks my 3rd and final Portia Ball as a resident sister. While I'm still not incredibly nostalgic as I still have one semester to go before finally leaving UP, I also cannot help feeling bittersweet. After all, this semester is pivotal for us seniors. Most of my batchmates and friends are graduating already, and are bound to prepare for the Bar. While I'll still be seeing some of them in the library or in the Portia room as they review, it won't be the same. It's kind of like a preface to the end of an era.
With my lovely Block D2016 Portians:
Therese, Kat, Chrissa, and Des
Some of my greatest memories in law school are because of Portia, and I've found the greatest friends in my fellow Portians. It's true what they say that you don't need a sorority (or a fraternity) to survive law school. And I can still attest to that. But there are so many opportunities I would have missed, so many people I would not have gotten the chance to know if I never joined. Becoming a sis has enriched my life in many ways - and made the amount of suffering weigh far less than the joys and triumphs.
(Okay, end drama!!!)
We had LP Divine as our guest speaker; she is currently a partner at CMT Law and is one of our closest alumnae, thanks to our constant interactions with her on Facebook. Aside from her though, we were also graced with the presence of other distinguished alumnae: LP Susan Villanueva, also a partner of CMT Law (and my Intellectual Property professor last semester! One of the most brilliant profs I've had!), LP Jannet Regalado of Pilipinas Shell (who is coincidentally, the mom of one of our new baby sisses to be inducted that night, Anna), and Sis Jude Botor-Jaranilla, officer of the UP Portia Alumnae Association. I discovered early in my residence that one of the best things about our sorority is the alumnae's strong relations with all the sisses - they never made us feel like we're *just* students, or that they're very much our seniors. We truly feel like we're talking to family every time we encounter them. I can honestly say that a real, genuine friendship is there, and it's not out of obligation. Every time I come across a sis, whether on Facebook or in person, in corporate settings or in courts, in the private sector or in the government, I always feel at ease. In a field full of competitive, aggressive, often unkind people, it is so comforting to know that there are people who have your back no matter what.
The resident Portians and alumnae sisters
Fun moment of the night: when I introduced Louie to our LPs - separately - they had the exact same reaction! "Ohhh, I've read about you!" - referring to the Inquirer article I wrote about him for his birthday a year ago. Then they proceeded to tell us how much they liked it, how kilig they were, how they shared it to other people, etc, etc. Nakakatawa na nakakakilig! A part of me wanted the floor to swallow me up for putting my affections out there for all the world to see - and refer to, every chance they get! But then again, what is love if it's not worth writing about? Ha ha hahaha. Haba na naman ng hair ni Louie that night, in fairness :)))
We held our 83rd ball at the Hanging Gardens Events Place in Fairview. The place was breath-taking, especially thanks to the beautiful plants and flowers that adorned its walls! Very much in line with this year's theme for Portia Week, "Bloom." There's always something particularly resplendent about being surrounded with nature. I suppose, it's because nature, much like art, provides just as much healing as it does enjoyment (as I've written in our Lit Folio's foreword, btw!) - so much so that it makes anyone and anything it is surrounded with feel so alive.
And now for the photo dump! I brought with me my Re but the decent shots were taken from either my phone or Louie's. Some others were grabbed from pictures tagged in Facebook. (I'll be updating this ones the official pictures arrive!):
Caption this:
(a) Feeling like a Disney Princess,
(b) Feeling like a Star Magic Artista,
(c) Feeling like a #kakaibabe,
(d) All of the above.
With my future bar buddy, Desiree! Love u gurl
With our dates! Me and Louie, Therese and Jio, and Des and Paulo
Our new Lady President, LP Joah! Aka my fellow JaDine / OTWOL fangirl!
LP siya ng Portia, ako LP ng JaDine Portia Chapter :P
LP siya ng Portia, ako LP ng JaDine Portia Chapter :P
D2016 represent!
Therese, Des, Chrissa, Enrico (who came as Kat's date), Kat, Miss Congeniality Celine, and me
Fellow Philippine Law Register editors: Apo and Marin!
Co-incidentally, fellow DECL loves who lost a lot of memories in the FC fire huhuhu
(Technically, Apo is from Journ, but she took a lot of CW and CL electives)
Best EVP and LP! Apo and LP Joydee
The greatest people you will ever meet -- and the worst
:))
Shout-out again to this guy who has been my date for three Portia Balls already! This month, we celebrate 3 years since our first date :) :3 I'm inclined to write something sentimental here but I think that Inquirer article is enough cheese to last a lifetime! Anyway, he knows how much I appreciate him. So grateful I get to bring this super gwapo guy to nights like this!
And as a parting shot, just like last year, the Portia Seniors of 2016. Not complete in this photo though! You can see we're still attempting to call everyone in! Hahaha!
This is us at our most normal: some always ready, some ngarag, but always, always happy.
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By the way, I forgot to share with you guys my "baby" this year for Portia Week. I was tasked to head the Portia Literary Folio, which is a yearly compendium of art, fiction, and poetry from students in and out of the College of Law. It was launched last Thursday, April 29, at the Poetic Sojourn, our version of open-mic and spoken-poetry night.
My main driving force in producing this year's Lit Folio was the idea of reconsructing and rebuilding - in line with what we've lost in the Faculty Center fire last month. We wanted to encourage people that in art, there is healing, and in healing, there is creation. Such is life, and such is art.
I extend my deepest gratitude to all our contributors who contributed and shared their art with us, for us to feature both in print and online. And most of all, I thank my great team, composed of Lesly, Isa, Therese, CJ, Mer, and Justine, without whom the folio would not have been a success. My love to all of you! ♥
Feel free to share the link to the online version of our Folio! (But please give credit where it is due! So that you don't end up violating IP laws :P )
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We also launched our official website, UPPortiaSorority.com, last weekend! FINALLY! I wrote a significant amount of articles there, some of which were also used in the exhibits we've featured in our college. I'm so proud of our Pub Team! Finally!
Know more about us at www.upportiasorority.com :)
Happy 83rd anniversary, sisses! I love Portia! #PortianAndProud ♥
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UP Law tops 2015 bar
For 2015, UP Law once again dominates the bar examinations! Not only did we top the bar, we also clinched the 3rd, 6th, and 9th spots!
More importantly, UP was the best performing law school in the bar exams this year, with an 89.9% overall passing rate (and an astounding 90% passing rate for first time takers). Truly a remarkable showing! I am so, so proud of all our bar passers, especially considering the reduced amount of time for their review thanks to the academic calendar shift. Through the seemingly insurmountable odds! How inspiring! Indeed, performing the only way we know how - in the grand manner.
#UPFight
Our sis, Giselle Hernandez, placed 6th and we couldn't be any prouder! We are actually not surprised - she has consistently performed well in her studies, and has been such a force to be reckoned with in our sorority's acad committee. No doubt, she was our bar bet! Super, super happy for her, especially because she's one of the nicest, funniest, and most deserving persons I know.
We also have 23 sisses who passed this year! Doing the BarOps is always the most challenging part of the first semester, but seeing our sisters triumph is in itself the biggest, most satisfying reward. There is no greater feeling than knowing a sis you helped out is now reaping the rewards of her hard work and dedication. This year was particularly a daunting task since we had more sisses taking the bar compared to last year. But we did it, and all our efforts paid off! What a way to cap off our Portia Week. #PortianAndProud!
Congratulations to all the new lawyers! Your achievement is just as much yours as it is the country's. I hope you all use your new titles for the service of the people and of those most in need. You all inspire the rest of us. Kudos!
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Cry, Heart, But Never Break
I've been avoiding it for the longest time, but alas, this time of the year has come. It's a few days away from the 23rd. And that means it has been a year without you, Tita Gina.
Is it fitting that I woke up today with news of another person's loss? Today I found out that a writer I admired so much, Luis Katigbak, had passed. And this week, another legend in the English department died too, my Shakespeare professor, Dr. Wilhelmina Ramas. Oh, and to make April even more somber than it already is, the Faculty Center was reduced to ashes the first day of this month.
Slowly and surely, the universe has found a way to claim so many things I hold dear. Isn't April the time for spring?
Last night, as if on cue, Twitter reminded me of an article on BrainPickings about a children's storybook on death. It was "Cry, Heart, But Never Break" by Danish author Glenn Ringtved and illustrator Charlotte Pardi. It's a contemplative tale about four children whose grandmother is terribly ill - and Death has come to claim her. And so they devise a way to keep Death busy all through the night until dawn breaks, that way when morning comes, he'd have to leave without her.
What makes the book particularly touching though is how broken Death himself was the entire time. Despite being all clothed in black, he embodied neither fright nor anger - just dispiritedness - as if he too is overcome with sorrow and resignation with his mission.
Is Death a friend? This is a concept so hard to grasp, especially for the grieving. Death is not kind, I thought, especially when it happens at the most opportune time to the most undeserving fellows. I remember thinking to myself while holding your hand, as the chemo was being administered to you, how can dying be so painful? How can it be so cruel, so terribly upsetting?
There is so much life left to be lived. This has always been my regret. That there is still so much out there to be said, felt, touched; there is much love to be shared. Songs to be sung. Rides to be ridden. Buildings to be designed. By you. All by you.
I could have been any one of the children in the story, tirelessly pouring coffee for Death just to delay the inevitable. Anythling to keep him up, anything to skirt my way around what he was supposed to do. I kept sending you positive messages on Viber. I was searching for survival stories of cancer on Google. I was watching videos of The Stylistics on YouTube and thinking we'd be able to sing those again. That was when I met an acquaintance, someone that lingered when Death was around.
Denial, that's his name. He sat with me at the bench in your hospital room. He helped me review for Corpo midterms the entire time I was on "duty,” making me un-hear the unspoken between the lines of what the doctors and nurses said. It was him who made me hold on to the idea of life winning over death.
But it was also him that made me unable to let things go. Denial made certain body parts ache in the middle of the night, thinking that you'd still be a Viber phone call away. Denial smoked cigarettes somewhere and made me take a whiff of it, reminding me of your nicotine breakfasts. Denial made me not want to think about going back to Singapore. He stopped making me wear the last few MAC lipsticks you bought me. He even made me stop listening to The Stylistics and Dionne Warwick.
I didn't see you die in person. I didn't have to, though, to feel the weight on all my senses. You know how sometimes, when your laptop's battery is almost empty, the screen grows dimmer to conserve battery? That's how everything seemed. Still the same, but a tinge darker. Grayer. Of course I could go back to normal, of course to the outside world I was working just fine. But there are things only the night and I would know; just like the stories only you and I shared at midnight.
Maybe Denial is a worse friend than Death. Death was kind enough, at least, to let you go in tranquility. Denial, at some point, made me want to choose you being in pain than you at peace but gone. But it wasn't Death that was causing you all those aches then, was it? It was life. And the many loves lost and gained along the way.
Sigh, Tita Gina, how to make sense of your loss? Is it a disservice to your memory to try? Or to just let it go? I don't know what is the better way to honor you: to weep quietly even in well-lit rooms on sunny afternoons, or to swallow tears as I go shopping for new shoes. A year later and still no answers.
But this I know: perhaps in the gaps between each sentence strung, or in the spaces filled in new shoes worn, there I'll find you. In blueprints, in song verses, in every slice of Conti's bananalicious pie, I'll hear your faint hellos. And when things are most difficult, I'll remember the look on Death's face - the Death on the children's book story I've been reading - and find small comfort in knowing that he was a friend to you. A better friend to you than I, or us, or life will ever be. Because Death has taken you away; but it has taken all your pains away too.
A year is not enough to grieve. But it's enough time to experience an infinite number of resurrections from within. Each sad moment forces me to bring life to a sense of hope, a new spring. A sense of wonder. That maybe tomorrow will be better, that maybe flowers can still bloom even, and especially after, the longest, coldest nights. And if they don’t? Then it's okay too. Death doesn't come for the grieving; he comes for those whose lives he already deems well-lived. And what a life you've lived indeed.
The curtains were blowing in the gentle morning breeze. Looking at the children, Death said quietly, “Cry, Heart, but never break. Let your tears of grief and sadness help begin new life.”
Then he was gone.
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Tryst 2016: Ambrosia
In anticipation of our 83rd year, UP Portia Sorority threw a gigantic party last Friday, April 8. This year's Tryst, Ambrosia, was held at URBN BGC and was sponsored by Jose Cuervo and Smirnoff Mule, along with Uber, So-En, Giordano, and Monster Radio RX 93.1.
You can pretty much say it was an epic night! By far the best Tryst I've attended in all my years as a law student (and as a resident sister.) No doubt, good girls can throw the "baddest" parties! We partnered with UP's Sigma Rho Fraternity, DLSU Law's Juan De La Salle, and UST Med's Tau Mu Sigma Phi - and boy, what a crowd we drew! Kudos to this year's Tryst team, headed again by the formidable Monique Lee!
It was a night of foregoing our inhibitions and finally letting go of the post-Holy Week Hell Week stress we've all had to trudge through. Almost everyone had midterms and thesis submissions to worry about. I, for one, had to rush my SLR (Supervised Legal Research) as I had two exams on the same week as my deadline. I had to forego a family vacation, spending time instead all holed up in Batangas to finish drafting and studying - but all worth it. There is indeed a light at the end of the tunnel - and a few bottles of beer too!
Portians at our VIP table / booth
Stress? What stress?
"Have you ever seen a night flower bloom?" was this year's tagline, along with the hashtag #BreatheDeep. I think we took that too much to heart when we did this crazy thing of performing a short number, originally composed of mostly seniors. It all just started out as a funny retort thrown around in the Portia room, but one thing led to another, and before you know it we were spending our Saturday practicing a short two-minute remix of Yonce and Sorry. LOOOL, talk about taking our jokes and taglines seriously! :))) Ayan tuloy, we forced our inner night flowers to bloom! :))
For the record, I don't dance - or rather, I don't dance well. :)) I like to move around a lot, but that hardly qualifies as dancing. But, you know how when you get older you learn to just go with the flow and push? Funny thing is ever since senior year began, I've made friends with almost everyone in my batch. Thanks to our internships at OLA and OGCC, and our elective classes, we've all gotten to know each other - and that meant seeing each other at our weakest and most stressed, but also at our most victorious. It's great to finally be able to make friends with people outside your block and to actually feel at home. And since we're all quite near the finish line, we've learned to let our guards down even in front of each other. That means finally getting a kick out of seeing each other make complete fools of ourselves and / or have an incredibly good time :))
Can't believe we spent hours practicing for just a two-minute dance (and I had to forego my yoga because I felt so exhausted after practice! How very unfit tita, hahaha!) I think I fared well as far as ASAP standards go - that is, I think I looked cute enough despite my basic white girl dancing skills :)) But that's the Boyfriend's assessment of the dance, so you'll just have to take it with a grain of salt. :P
Needless to say, I had fun!
Portia dance crew caption suggestions: 'We just filed our Motions' :))
Speaking of the Boyfriend, we actually owe Louie for this party. Some of his bosses owned shares iin URBN, so the ties helped in booking the place and getting a pretty solid deal. Ah, adult-life networks! Too bad his bosses were in Tagaytay to attend a wedding that weekend; it would have been great to have them around and actually thank them. Since the party was a bit of a Law-Med mixer, it would have been interesting to have a few engineers thrown in the fray!
Perennial date :)
I brought my Re again this time, and though I didn't expect great photos, as usual I ended up being surprised with how decent some of them turned out! Considering that the club was dark, the lights were blinking ablaze, and the camera had no flash, I had quite a number of pretty cool-looking shots.
Since last year's Tryst, I've dubbed it as my #tiwala cam for parties because you don't really have time to check the viewfinder in the app when you have a shot glass in one hand and your boyfriend's hand in the other. But it's great for capturing things as they happen, and not worrying about how they turn out. It lets you be in the moment while still taking a slice of it.
(I really should start asking HTC for promo fees now! Haha!)
Indigo-tinged photos, coming up:
Pam, me, Kat, and Chrissa by the Portia booth
Louie, Des, Kat and I claiming our Cuervo shots first thing upon arriving!
#priorities
Des, my spirit animal: fellow only child and perpetual appreciator of Eng'g students, hehe
With Kat and Bec, and the spirit of Ellie Goulding after an epic set of her songs
Tax and Credit classmates from what used to be 3E!
Best thing about being an "international" is meeting more people!
It's summer already for almost everyone else outside law school, while we're a month-and-a-half away from finals. But weekends like this make the climb bearable - and enjoyable, even. It's always great to spend a fun night out with friends, old and new, but even better to do so with free drinks, sick beats, and fancy lingerie! (Shoutout to So-En - I swear they were the highlight of my night! I love their giveaway, so pretty!)
We're turning three in a month!
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Losing the Faculty Center
How do I even write about this grief? I am overcome with sadness and devastation. What a terrible loss: all the books, manuscripts, and documents; all the memories we've come to attach to the spaces; all the future generations who will miss out on the many stories that each bookshelf will tell. I cannot even begin to imagine the pain of all my professors, whose greatest possessions in life are, no doubt, their collection of books and their life's works, all found inside the Faculty Center.
Indeed, it is so painful to lose art and history. To stand in front of CAL last night and see the flames crawling across each beam, each wall - truly heartbreaking. What a way to welcome the National Literary Month of April.
It feels like I have lost a friend. But we can rise from the ashes. You will always be home, CAL.
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(photo credits to the Inquirer and Angelo Gonzales)
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Quadcopter x Sunken Garden Saturday
Louie and I rarely celebrate our monthsaries, but for this particular day we made an exception. The reason? We have a new toy! Well, actually he does. For his birthday, my parents gave him a quadcopter! So, technically it is his. But being the kind and generous person he was (or rather, the pushy person that I am, hahaha), we decided it's a toy we'd share. The drone arrived about two weeks late, since it had to be delivered from abroad. Once it got here, however, we just couldn't wait to get my hands on it!
And of course, where else to try it out than in our most favorite place in the city? UP! Fun fact: We had our first official date in the Sunken Garden three years ago.
We had lunch somewhere along Maginhawa first, and then, off to the Sunken Garden we went!
The drone he got was a Syma X5SW FPV, which is a low-cost, toy-grade quadcopter with WiFi-enabled first person video. It can take photos and videos in real-time, while you control the drone itself through the remote transmitter. It has an accompanying app (available both on iOS and Android) which you need to download on your device in order to view and save the captured images. Since the gadget is officially classified as a "toy," it goes without saying that the video quality is pretty sub-par. With just two-megapixels, you can't expect stunning visuals or crisp images at all. It also cannot capture sound. BUT, the truth was, the fun was in flying the drone itself. It was super enjoyable trying to launch the drone and figuring out how to move it around!
We've actually wanted a drone for the longest time, and we've spent days drooling over unboxing and testing videos of different kinds, particularly the DJI Phantom series. I think we spent an entire date just going through all the reviews of the Phantom 3! We have super different YouTube marathon tastes: he can watch about cars all day, meanwhile I'm happy to watch calligraphy videos and late night show interviews non-stop. But one thing we do have in common: gadgets! CNet and Engadget is our friend. Lol. Anyway, we were so into drones, we promised ourselves it'll be a long-term couple-goal to actually save up for one eventually.
It was so nice of my parents to go out of their way to look for this as their birthday gift for him I think my mom and dad noticed how much we obsessed about drones, considering the number of times I've brought it up randomly. (Hehe.) So as a cool little present for him (and, consequently, me, LOL), they decided to order one online. Man, it was the hardest secret to keep from Louie! Especially because I was so, SO excited about it! And that I really can't keep secrets from him because he knows all my "tells." :)) Talk about sacrifice!
Lakas maka-JaDine! Hahaha!
Anyway, the above photos were taken using my phone, a Lenovo S90-A. I took a lot of photos and videos on my phone because the battery life of the drone itself was just around 5 minutes (and recharging it takes about 120 minutes), so actually the flying part was so much shorter than the hang-around-and-tambay-in-the-Sunken-Garden part. :))
Learning to fly the drone was quite simple; but it was adjusting to its controls that was a bit tricky to master. Since it's a toy-grade quadcopter, it isn't as smooth as we expected. It launches up pretty quickly, but quite challenging to hover since when you lower the throttle even for just a teeny-tiny amount, it descends at full tilt. Suffice to say, we've had a lot of crashes :)) But it's alive! And I think it was really built to last sudden drops like the ones we had. If you look at all the footage we saved, it's about 40% falling shots, 50% lupa shots, and 10% decent ones! Funny thing though: sometimes, when it falls to the ground and we try launching it back up, the propellers end up cutting some grass! Quadcopter and lawnmower in one! :)) When it was finally my turn to try out the controllers (since my first job was to be in charge of the video-taking in the Syma app), it took me about three tries before I finally got a successful flight. Sadly, though, the battery konked out just in time :)) So bitiiiin! Time to save up for a spare battery!
The video below is nothing close to the resolution of my phone, obviously. But these are the best shots we had considering the short battery life. I've been obsessing about Jadine the last few months, so I thought, hey why not make a quadcopter cheesy-couple video just like theirs??? Only we're not in Lake Tahoe and the resolution is super grainy! Hahaha! It even has an old-school, mauve-toned filter. Hence, the background music! Dear James and Nadine, kala niyo kayo lang may #Always? Kami rin! Rainbow Unicorn / 90s UMD version nga lang :P
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Leap
As I am writing this, it is a day past your birthday. It is actually the 29th on February, something that happens only every four years. The year we first met, 2008, was a leap year. In one of our first meetings, you joked that you were born on this date, but I was quick to point out your birthday didn't fall on a leap year. Cue nervous giggles. Who would have thought those small talks would lead to this.
The last February 29 I had, I was in a very different place, as you were too. We weren't friends yet; just on Facebook. I greeted you a happy birthday, you said thanks, and that was that. But then, somehow, the universe played tricks on us and decided to bring us together. When I think about the many things that have happened in the last four years, I still find myself shaking my head - in disbelief, in awe, in gratefulness.
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Surreal / So Real: What I learned about becoming a fan of a loveteam
Scout asked me to write about #OTWOL, but after last Saturday's concert (which I attended with my equally-crazed friends), I ended up writing about #JaDine. Kind of the same thing, if you ask me.
I've already been asked before: "Why are you spending so much time on this?" I tried coming up with scholarly, dignified answers - it's something that lets me apply my knowledge on private international law, particularly on the laws on marriage; it's a show whose writing reminds me of the kinds of works I used to study back in college - but the truth is, I just really enjoy it, unabashedly, with no real definite explanation, like a lovesick teenager with raging hormones.
I find the greatest joys in the simplest of things - and sometimes, that means things that aren't high brow, things that aren't always rarefied in taste. But who's to say there's nothing to be gained in enjoying the smoke and mirrors of all this spectacle? There's a lot of truths I've found about myself ever since I've jumped into this rabbit-hole of a fandom - from my projections about my career to my perspective on love and friendship. (For one, I realized I think I'd really love to pore over contracts and litigate in the media, literary and entertainment industry - but that's for another post altogether.)
Most important, I think, is (taking a cue from James and Nadine themselves) the message that life rewards the honest and the patient. There is bravery in quietness; there is strength in forbearance. Sometimes, life isn't just about "pushing." There is also beauty in surrender, and in letting things just fall into place.
*cue Bahala Na* :))
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Anyway, here's the link to the article that I wrote. Forgive the unabashed fangirly-ness! It's not everyday I get to write about things I love in spaces other than my blog. *sheepish grin*
What happens when life imitates art, and when CLeah’s fiction in #OTWOL becomes JaDine’s gospel truth https://t.co/NuPrdj7H5W— Scout Magazine (@scoutmagph) February 22, 2016
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And she will be loved.
It's been almost three years, and yet I've never seen him play live.
Except for that one time we played RockBand Beatles at our house, and he dutifully assumed the role of Ringo while I played Paul and George and John alternately. And even though unsurprisingly he got an almost perfect score on the difficult level, it just was not the same. Tapping on plastic circular pads did not give him the satisfaction of actually playing for me, which he had always wanted to do, since I play the piano for him when he visits me at home.
And then we had Saturday.
It wasn't at all planned - we just watched Deadpool and wanted to have a nice, quick dinner after - and yet every single part of me felt like things just fell into place and happened at the right time for the right reasons. It just had to happen now, right before the 14th of February, at this particular time in our lives, where things have changed (including ourselves), yet certainties feel the same and affirmations ring truer.
Over dinner, in the middle of having our unlimited order of meat, he went up on stage with the live band and played songs I didn't expect but have always loved, songs that I've never considered ours but have now laid claim on us. And what a sight to behold: this boy, whom I only used to admire from afar, this boy, who surrenders himself to the rhythm, the way the heart surrenders to its own beat. This boy.
Whatever words I say, I will always love you.
Except for that one time we played RockBand Beatles at our house, and he dutifully assumed the role of Ringo while I played Paul and George and John alternately. And even though unsurprisingly he got an almost perfect score on the difficult level, it just was not the same. Tapping on plastic circular pads did not give him the satisfaction of actually playing for me, which he had always wanted to do, since I play the piano for him when he visits me at home.
And then we had Saturday.
It wasn't at all planned - we just watched Deadpool and wanted to have a nice, quick dinner after - and yet every single part of me felt like things just fell into place and happened at the right time for the right reasons. It just had to happen now, right before the 14th of February, at this particular time in our lives, where things have changed (including ourselves), yet certainties feel the same and affirmations ring truer.
Over dinner, in the middle of having our unlimited order of meat, he went up on stage with the live band and played songs I didn't expect but have always loved, songs that I've never considered ours but have now laid claim on us. And what a sight to behold: this boy, whom I only used to admire from afar, this boy, who surrenders himself to the rhythm, the way the heart surrenders to its own beat. This boy.
Whatever words I say, I will always love you.
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and when at last I find you
"Are you... are you crying? Because of a puppy video*?"
"But look at it. It's so cute. And pure. And happy. And cute."
"Yeah. So?"
"Don't you find it cute?!"
"Well--"
"It has the Beatles' 'I Will' playing! How can you resist that?!"
"It's just a dog."
"It's not just a dog. It's the simplicity of happiness in that puppy's face. And the beauty of having a creature just looking at you like that and loving you unconditionally. It's having the Beatles ask you, 'Who knows how long I've loved you?' and without you having to say anything, they answer 'You know I love you still.' It's that certainty. That sudden realization that despite what the world throws at you, despite whatever kind of shit you get yourself into, at the end of the day, this love is simple. Love, in its sincerest, most honest form, is easy. It's the look on a puppy's face when you come home after a long day. It's the honesty of a smile when you ask if you can have the last slice of chocolate cake. It's the way your hand is held after the anesthesia wears off, it's the way your tears are wiped away when the antibiotics kick in. It's when you have someone in your life who finally makes you feel like the entire galaxy is in your chest and all the stars make a constellation of the parts of you that you never thought you will come to lose. It's the way he pauses when Paul McCartney croons 'Will I wait a lonely lifetime?' because in his head, he is building you a house and painting you a fence and giving you the rain showerhead you've always wanted. 'If you want me to I will,' he finally sings. And before the song even ends, he looks at you the way clouds look at the moon, and in that instant, you know it's the life you've always dreamed of, right there in front of you. Like an apparition that makes you believe, like a universe that has come to being and has given you the sun."
__
* This is the link to the puppy video. If you can watch it without feeling anything, your heart is made of stone.
"But look at it. It's so cute. And pure. And happy. And cute."
"Yeah. So?"
"Don't you find it cute?!"
"Well--"
"It has the Beatles' 'I Will' playing! How can you resist that?!"
"It's just a dog."
"It's not just a dog. It's the simplicity of happiness in that puppy's face. And the beauty of having a creature just looking at you like that and loving you unconditionally. It's having the Beatles ask you, 'Who knows how long I've loved you?' and without you having to say anything, they answer 'You know I love you still.' It's that certainty. That sudden realization that despite what the world throws at you, despite whatever kind of shit you get yourself into, at the end of the day, this love is simple. Love, in its sincerest, most honest form, is easy. It's the look on a puppy's face when you come home after a long day. It's the honesty of a smile when you ask if you can have the last slice of chocolate cake. It's the way your hand is held after the anesthesia wears off, it's the way your tears are wiped away when the antibiotics kick in. It's when you have someone in your life who finally makes you feel like the entire galaxy is in your chest and all the stars make a constellation of the parts of you that you never thought you will come to lose. It's the way he pauses when Paul McCartney croons 'Will I wait a lonely lifetime?' because in his head, he is building you a house and painting you a fence and giving you the rain showerhead you've always wanted. 'If you want me to I will,' he finally sings. And before the song even ends, he looks at you the way clouds look at the moon, and in that instant, you know it's the life you've always dreamed of, right there in front of you. Like an apparition that makes you believe, like a universe that has come to being and has given you the sun."
__
* This is the link to the puppy video. If you can watch it without feeling anything, your heart is made of stone.
Labels: fiction, finger exercises
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Bespectacled
Last Monday, I went to have new glasses made. The pink one I've been using since law school began suddenly disappeared, unfortunately, during finals week last semester. And while I'm not entirely blind without them (I only have astigmatism and a bit of near-sightedness), life is a bit easier when the world isn't as blurred and I don't have to squint my eyes to read.
The clinic I went to is this quaint little hole-in-the-wall in the UP Shopping Center. It's owned by an equally quirky and fascinating optometrist too, Nella Sarabia, of the renowned family whose stores one sees in almost every mall in the metro. Her shop is nothing like the rest of the chain though - and I mean that in the best, most positive way. Instead of bright lights and giant posters, hers is lit in a soft, warm glow and her walls are adorned with giant historical photos of the Filipino-American war. No intimidating glass cabinets of exorbitantly priced eyewear, just an entire wall of her old, vintage cameras mixed with new ones atop a modest display of classic and eccentric frames. She has history books and poetry books on her coffee table; apparently she used to sell albums of OPM rock bands too. She's a friend of the Eraserheads and The Dawn (in fact, Ely's daughter Una was there to pick up her glasses that day), and she's an ally to many writers, poets, and musicians. (History book writer Zeus Salazar chatted me up while we were waiting for our turn.)
It was a fascinating place of history, music, poetry, and perfect vision.
She glides across the room like a forest sprite and talks in a voice so comforting, almost like an ethereal being. Flowers literally adorned her hair on the day I went to visit, and the pink skirt she wore flowed gracefully down her thighs like a soft petal. She was cool and kind and very engaging. And she was great at what she does. She did magic on my eyes quicker than you can say oculus reparo.
*
When it finally came down to picking my frames, I ended up choosing by instinct - which usually meant going for the pink one, or the one that seemed like it called out to me first. Mine ended up being both. It had a rose-gold body with pink temples. It wasn't like anything I've ever had before, but it felt familiar and comforting. It screamed Karla, even though it looked nothing like what I owned. I loved it.
*
This isn't the first time I visited an optometrist, but it's the first time I did at an actual crossroads in my life. While she was asking me about my life as a student of Malcolm, and the many things law school did to impair my vision, I realized how much closer I am to actually being released into the real world. Law school is, in many ways, an alternate universe equally harsh, or probably even worse, as the real world itself. But for the last four years, we were all still shielded from what was outside its four walls. Sure, we read about current events; sure we discussed the issues. But our lives were confined to the rigors of school, and our worries were primarily anchored on the fact that we needed to study and survive. We moved our schedules around exams, we deliberately gave up social life for acads. We studied tax, but we didn't have incomes yet. We learned about family law, but marriage was lightyears away. Law school is the here and now - at least that was the case for the last few years.
Until it isn't anymore. Granted, I'm graduating later than expected. That gives me a bit more time. But nevertheless, in your fourth year, the light at the end of the tunnel is more than just a faint glimmer now; it's an illumination. It's like finally having a helmet slowly removed, seeing the world again with no filter, and hearing the sounds of the streets clearly and un-muffled.
I'm not yet at the end, and yet I also can't help thinking that it's all so close. The F's are slowly becoming P's. The D's are turning out to be O's. My vision's being realigned again, slowly adjusting to seeing the world again through new lenses.
Am I going to like the view? I still can't say. Unlike my actual eyeglasses, which I was able to pick up just about a day later, I'm still not sure what will become of me once I emerge into the real world, having had my vision "impaired" (but in many ways also "repaired") by law school - and the many ordeals that came with it. My eyes have seen so much, I've always believed, after all the jurisprudence I've read, and yet I feel like I've seen so little. Of the world, of the people, of life. After all the calibrations law school did to my vision (and to my person), how much of my senses have improved? The questions I asked myself while at the optometrist's chair seem like the same questions I will ask when the real world lenses kick in. How will I look? Will I get dizzy? Will it take some adjusting? Is there such a thing as "too clear"? Will the floor seem like it's floating when I look down?
The answer won't be simple nor will it be easy. But if anything, I hope it's as comforting as the glasses I eventually went home with last Wednesday. They fit just right, and I look great in them.
_
Labels: law school, UP
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neither of us are the same
"I’ve been made to believe that a natural progression from a close encounter with death is to have a new perspective on things, maybe a steelier resolve. On some level, this must be what people mean when they ask me now how I’m doing, or if things are back to “normal” yet. Molly and I talk about how our version of “normal” has necessarily shifted, but that’s a functional blanket for an infinite number of things that have slowly moved around, not a sudden tectonic rupture. It’s not that deep, but neither of us are the same."
— Trying by Emma Carmichael,
From The Awl, December 2015
The last couple of weeks have been crazy.
But this article is probably the closest thing I've found that best explains how I'm feeling and where my mind is at (that is not another song). "Being in an accident and trying to make sense of its narrative" is how the tweet that led me to this article was written. And you know how sometimes you are what you click? I guess that says a lot.
Have I figured out how to tell this story one day? In my head, yes. I've imagined it many times over. Will I share it? Probably not now, or maybe ever. Am I having a crisis? Not the kind that people around me think I am.
Yet after all this, the biggest question of all is not "Do you realize how #blessed you are?" or "Have your prayers been answered?" But rather, "Have I been asking right?"
Because I got an answer, definitely, although I have no idea what was the question.
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nag-iisang tiyak sa isang libong duda
Nahanap din kita.
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Happy Holidays!
The obligatory "Merry Christmas from our family to yours" post! As per usual, it's lunch with the Bernardos and dinner with the Vistans.
For lunch, this year, my Ninong Buggy (who's a chef) prepared roast porchetto with baked potatoes, sundried tomatoes and olives pasta, ox tongue, beef salpicao, beer battered fish and chips with aioli, and melba toast with 4 dips! It's always a sumptuous feast when Ninong Bugs is around.
Then for dinner, we went straight to Marriott where we were also booked for the night. My Tita Karen is home from Bali, so she and my mom decided to treat us for a short staycation for the weekend. We had beef caldereta, sinigang na hipon, pancit canton, and lechon Cebu. The next day, after breakfast buffet, we said hello to Tita Gina at St. Therese's.
And now, I'm at Batangas, where I'm enjoying the vacation-cum-sembreak the only way I know how: by bumming around and eating! Happy holidays, indeed!
I have lots of things and feelings to share about this Christmas, but maybe that's better reserved for my end-of-the-year post. For now, let me enjoy the small things that did make my holidays special, like the company of friends and the pleasure of quiet moments with family. And the taste of my freedooooom! Woohoooooo!
For lunch, this year, my Ninong Buggy (who's a chef) prepared roast porchetto with baked potatoes, sundried tomatoes and olives pasta, ox tongue, beef salpicao, beer battered fish and chips with aioli, and melba toast with 4 dips! It's always a sumptuous feast when Ninong Bugs is around.
Christmas Eve, with Mom and Papa, in our living room
With Kuya Ben!
Then for dinner, we went straight to Marriott where we were also booked for the night. My Tita Karen is home from Bali, so she and my mom decided to treat us for a short staycation for the weekend. We had beef caldereta, sinigang na hipon, pancit canton, and lechon Cebu. The next day, after breakfast buffet, we said hello to Tita Gina at St. Therese's.
And now, I'm at Batangas, where I'm enjoying the vacation-cum-sembreak the only way I know how: by bumming around and eating! Happy holidays, indeed!
I have lots of things and feelings to share about this Christmas, but maybe that's better reserved for my end-of-the-year post. For now, let me enjoy the small things that did make my holidays special, like the company of friends and the pleasure of quiet moments with family. And the taste of my freedooooom! Woohoooooo!
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Have yourself a merry little Christmas
It can't possibly get any more Christmas-y than this! Consider this our token loveteam greeting card photo :)) These are the smiles of people who just stuffed their faces with junk food all day as they watched movies and listened to music. Haha! And that is also the face of a guy willing to drive from QC to Paranaque (and back), braving EDSA December traffic just to do nothing and simply hang out with me. Mad props!
The 25th is just a few days away, so consider this my advanced greeting: Wishing everyone a very merry Christmas! May your holidays be filled with light and laughter. And a whole lot of love.
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