[This post was supposed to be my post for November 26, 2008]

Death. It's such a heavy word for something so short. It's something we all know will come to us, will happen to us. But when it does, we still feel like it pulled out the rug from underneath us and knocked us down. Nothing can ever prepare us for death. No matter how many times we try to accept it, we will never take it easy.

My lola passed away last Saturday. I was there when she died, right there in the room beside her as her blood pressure fluctuated. I saw the green line become horizontal, and the monotonous beeping sound rang in my ears for several minutes. I was there. I saw my lola die.

Like what I said before, I find the greatest strength in wanting to be strong. She wasn't my direct lola, she was the aunt of my dad, the sister of my lolo. But we lived in their compound (together with her sisters; all of them didn't get married_, and we were very close. She was the one who chased the cats away so that I can enter the gate. She was the one who would bring the bills to our house. She was the one who signed my parents' consents in case I forgot to ask my mom or dad to sign. She was just.. always there. And now she isn't anymore.

The hardest part after her death though was not the wake, or the funeral. It was relatively easy to put up a brave front when all our relatives were there around me, somewhat distracting me and taking me mind off things. But after all has been said and done, it's the coming home that hurts the most. Finding the house almost empty, that's what really broke my heart. And I believe that every homecoming would feel that way, to me at least. Every time I come home from Katipunan, I'd feel the emptiness, I'd feel her absence. But I have to be strong, especially for my other lola (her sister), because she needs to feel that we are here for her and that she is not alone.

Death. It's such a cumbersome word. But there's something far heavier and more substantial than that -- LIFE. It's ironic that a death has to take place before we stop taking life for granted. But this is reality. The world won't stop turning. Life goes on. Even for me and my family. I'll sorely miss my lola but I know that she is at peace now. And I know that she'll always look after me -- as I go on with my life.

* * * *

<br></center><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Dazzled.</span></span><span style="display: block;" id="formatbar_Buttons"><span class="" style="display: block;" id="formatbar_JustifyFull" title="Justify Full" onmouseover="ButtonHoverOn(this);" onmouseout="ButtonHoverOff(this);" onmouseup="" onmousedown="CheckFormatting(event);FormatbarButton('richeditorframe', this, 13);ButtonMouseDown(this);"><img src="http://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gif" alt="Justify Full" class="gl_align_full" border="0" /></span></span><br>I have tried to downplay it a million times before. I resist the urge to scream every time I hear someone mentioning his name. I am constantly trying to control myself from hyper-ventilation with the very thought of him. I struggle to contain my anticipation. But last night, I gave up the battle. I just.. gave in.<br><span style="font-style: italic;"><br>TWILIGHT IS A GREAT MOVIE.<span style="font-weight: bold;"></span></span><br><br>I don't know if I loved it because I enjoyed the series, or I have a tremendous bias for Edward and Robert Pattinson, or just simply because I like romantic films. But whatever the reason is, Twilight definitely made my week.<br><br>My mom and I watched at Glorietta 4 yesterday evening. I went straight to Makati from Diliman. Most of you already know that my mom is a Twilight Mom (meaning, she read the series too and yes, she loves Edward just as much) so it was only natural that I go and watch it with her. The cinema was filled with young people, mostly swooning teenaged girls like me. And obviously, hormones were on a rampage.<br><br><blockquote>Jessica: "And that's.. Edward Cullen."<br>*Edward enters*<br><br>All the girls in the cinema: <span style="font-weight: bold;">WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!</span><br>*hyperventilating and squealing*</blockquote><br><br>I was, of course, one of the screaming girls. I couldn't help it. Edward -- <i>my</i> Edward was right there in front of me, and not just a figment of the imagination. I'm sure everyone else felt the same. I know Robert Pattinson isn't exactly the Edward we all expected, but to me, he was amazing. I felt the Edward-ness in him. I liked Kristen too. I really did. Of course, there are still a couple of flaws and some scenes/lines were cut, and it still doesn't beat reading the book (I swear, you should read it first before watching) but I guess that's inevitable with every book-turned-to-movie franchises. Nevertheless, I enjoyed every bit of it. For now, I won't tell which parts because I'm sure most of you haven't seen it yet. All I can say is.. I screamed a lot. And it wasn't because I was scared. :)<br><br>I know there are a lot of anti-Twilight people out there, be it for the author, the book series, the movie, the actors -- and everything about the saga. And I respect your opinion. But you have to respect mine as well. I love Twilight, even before it became such a huge craze. And I don't think any amount of criticism will make me stop loving it :)<br><br>I can only say this:<br><br><span style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic;">Just when I thought it was no longer possible, I fell in love with Edward Cullen all over again. ♥</span><br></div><br><br><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiA_9HTMeoM2eFK-IFPXBWjqMaGTorMTc8ZtEqjUmCAKOJYpH6agJJkCAS9ldro6pSMC2y5xAphG_zzhheBW4LlnkuAawjKAfAovsFpTSwEUh37Gv8TErnb28lxR5I-Y_mMWBx7/s1600-h/z019.jpg" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 214px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiA_9HTMeoM2eFK-IFPXBWjqMaGTorMTc8ZtEqjUmCAKOJYpH6agJJkCAS9ldro6pSMC2y5xAphG_zzhheBW4LlnkuAawjKAfAovsFpTSwEUh37Gv8TErnb28lxR5I-Y_mMWBx7/s320/z019.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5274118533394718786" border="0" /></a>

[This post was supposed to be my post for November 26, 2008]

Death. It's such a heavy word for something so short. It's something we all know will come to us, will happen to us. But when it does, we still feel like it pulled out the rug from underneath us and knocked us down. Nothing can ever prepare us for death. No matter how many times we try to accept it, we will never take it easy.

My lola passed away last Saturday. I was there when she died, right there in the room beside her as her blood pressure fluctuated. I saw the green line become horizontal, and the monotonous beeping sound rang in my ears for several minutes. I was there. I saw my lola die.

Like what I said before, I find the greatest strength in wanting to be strong. She wasn't my direct lola, she was the aunt of my dad, the sister of my lolo. But we lived in their compound (together with her sisters; all of them didn't get married_, and we were very close. She was the one who chased the cats away so that I can enter the gate. She was the one who would bring the bills to our house. She was the one who signed my parents' consents in case I forgot to ask my mom or dad to sign. She was just.. always there. And now she isn't anymore.

The hardest part after her death though was not the wake, or the funeral. It was relatively easy to put up a brave front when all our relatives were there around me, somewhat distracting me and taking me mind off things. But after all has been said and done, it's the coming home that hurts the most. Finding the house almost empty, that's what really broke my heart. And I believe that every homecoming would feel that way, to me at least. Every time I come home from Katipunan, I'd feel the emptiness, I'd feel her absence. But I have to be strong, especially for my other lola (her sister), because she needs to feel that we are here for her and that she is not alone.

Death. It's such a cumbersome word. But there's something far heavier and more substantial than that -- LIFE. It's ironic that a death has to take place before we stop taking life for granted. But this is reality. The world won't stop turning. Life goes on. Even for me and my family. I'll sorely miss my lola but I know that she is at peace now. And I know that she'll always look after me -- as I go on with my life.

* * * *

<br></center><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Dazzled.</span></span><span style="display: block;" id="formatbar_Buttons"><span class="" style="display: block;" id="formatbar_JustifyFull" title="Justify Full" onmouseover="ButtonHoverOn(this);" onmouseout="ButtonHoverOff(this);" onmouseup="" onmousedown="CheckFormatting(event);FormatbarButton('richeditorframe', this, 13);ButtonMouseDown(this);"><img src="http://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gif" alt="Justify Full" class="gl_align_full" border="0" /></span></span><br>I have tried to downplay it a million times before. I resist the urge to scream every time I hear someone mentioning his name. I am constantly trying to control myself from hyper-ventilation with the very thought of him. I struggle to contain my anticipation. But last night, I gave up the battle. I just.. gave in.<br><span style="font-style: italic;"><br>TWILIGHT IS A GREAT MOVIE.<span style="font-weight: bold;"></span></span><br><br>I don't know if I loved it because I enjoyed the series, or I have a tremendous bias for Edward and Robert Pattinson, or just simply because I like romantic films. But whatever the reason is, Twilight definitely made my week.<br><br>My mom and I watched at Glorietta 4 yesterday evening. I went straight to Makati from Diliman. Most of you already know that my mom is a Twilight Mom (meaning, she read the series too and yes, she loves Edward just as much) so it was only natural that I go and watch it with her. The cinema was filled with young people, mostly swooning teenaged girls like me. And obviously, hormones were on a rampage.<br><br><blockquote>Jessica: "And that's.. Edward Cullen."<br>*Edward enters*<br><br>All the girls in the cinema: <span style="font-weight: bold;">WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!</span><br>*hyperventilating and squealing*</blockquote><br><br>I was, of course, one of the screaming girls. I couldn't help it. Edward -- <i>my</i> Edward was right there in front of me, and not just a figment of the imagination. I'm sure everyone else felt the same. I know Robert Pattinson isn't exactly the Edward we all expected, but to me, he was amazing. I felt the Edward-ness in him. I liked Kristen too. I really did. Of course, there are still a couple of flaws and some scenes/lines were cut, and it still doesn't beat reading the book (I swear, you should read it first before watching) but I guess that's inevitable with every book-turned-to-movie franchises. Nevertheless, I enjoyed every bit of it. For now, I won't tell which parts because I'm sure most of you haven't seen it yet. All I can say is.. I screamed a lot. And it wasn't because I was scared. :)<br><br>I know there are a lot of anti-Twilight people out there, be it for the author, the book series, the movie, the actors -- and everything about the saga. And I respect your opinion. But you have to respect mine as well. I love Twilight, even before it became such a huge craze. And I don't think any amount of criticism will make me stop loving it :)<br><br>I can only say this:<br><br><span style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic;">Just when I thought it was no longer possible, I fell in love with Edward Cullen all over again. ♥</span><br></div><br><br><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiA_9HTMeoM2eFK-IFPXBWjqMaGTorMTc8ZtEqjUmCAKOJYpH6agJJkCAS9ldro6pSMC2y5xAphG_zzhheBW4LlnkuAawjKAfAovsFpTSwEUh37Gv8TErnb28lxR5I-Y_mMWBx7/s1600-h/z019.jpg" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 214px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiA_9HTMeoM2eFK-IFPXBWjqMaGTorMTc8ZtEqjUmCAKOJYpH6agJJkCAS9ldro6pSMC2y5xAphG_zzhheBW4LlnkuAawjKAfAovsFpTSwEUh37Gv8TErnb28lxR5I-Y_mMWBx7/s320/z019.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5274118533394718786" border="0" /></a>