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There are too many words in my head right now.

April 12, 2011    |    0 COMMENT(S)

<div style="text-align: justify;"> I started the day worrying like hell because I found out The Boy<i>nospace</i>friend has measles. It's driving me crazy because of course, natural girlfriend tendencies kick in and I want to take care of aforementioned boy, but due to the unexplainable stamina of my immune system way back in high school, I've been unable to catch the virus despite numerous classmates riding the German measles bandwagon. I'm going to take comfort in the fact that at least even my physical body has always been a nonconformist, but I digress and it's beside the point. This makes me a very unlikely candidate to take care of said boy and thus, also requires a two to three-week period of no contact with him. I am alright with us not seeing each other, given that CAL students don't particularly have legitimate reasons to go gallivanting to the Engineering building, and that we've spent longer weeks apart due to another type of disease, aka <i>academics</i>. I also do not believe that my mere presence will drive the virus away, although it might make them squirm and feel guilty a little bit if they see how awfully pretty I am. (Ha!) But then, at the end of the day, I want to be there, just because, and I can't, even though I'm willing. I can't. I'm helpless. And it sucks.</div> <div style="text-align: justify;"> <br /> </div> <div style="text-align: justify;"> I was ready to hate the universe again for conspiring against me for the third time in a row this week. But then, it proved me wrong somehow, and I can't say I'm not glad.</div> <div style="text-align: justify;">
This afternoon, I had a chat with one of my roommates over donuts and a yogurt drink. Honestly, it's been a while since I last opened up to a stranger - by stranger, I mean a person I'm not exactly "friends" with yet. And because the most we've ever shared about each other is our mutual love/hate relationship with the university that bleeds maroon, I can say she still fell under the general category of "stranger" up until today. It was a pleasant surprise getting myself to be vulnerable again with new people - the last time I honestly felt like this was when I was trying my best to bond with blockmates during my freshman year in college. Because we're somehow compelled to be friends (because of our close proximity to each other), I was afraid that if we don't mesh, I'd be stuck with a person I'd want to run away from again. But as soon as we opened our mouths and shared our opinions about spineless girls and being spoiled by our parents, I knew right there and then that we would be friends. Good friends, in fact. It was such a nice, simple, comfortable chat - who knew we would get along so, so well? There is something to be said about such conversations with people who aren't really close to you yet; there is that magic that unfolds when you first begin to see yourself clicking with someone you've just met. Maybe it's the platonic parallel of the romantic ignition couples claim to have over that cliched notion of "love at first sight" but this afternoon, I just really felt at home. And that's more than what you could ask for, really, in someone you've just recently met. It's the kind of vulnerability I no longer feel (but also don't resent) with friends I've known for a long time, because that's something I will never have with them anymore. I guess I just missed that, and I'm glad this afternoon the universe decided it wouldn't be such a bad day for that.

That being said though, there is still nothing more comforting than the presence of a best friend, a person who can see right through you regardless of the layers of clothing you wear or the amount of pretentious theories you claim to believe in. My very, very good friend (who I believe has transcended best friend-dom and deserves something more than that hackneyed label, but that's another post altogether) who is dorming a few blocks away from me texted me and invited me to join her for dinner. This person is admittedly the one friend I couldn't have possibly survived college without - we've shared the same heartaches and we've talked about practically everything - and of course, I couldn't say no to her. Our talks would always range from the shallow (how funny it was that random high school batchmates were hooking up) to the most profound (how we draw the line between being moral and being religious) but it never gets old, it never gets tiring. Usually we end up talking about the same things but there's just an unexplainable kind of relief knowing that we will always see eye-to-eye and understand each other even in the most ridiculous of situations. The night almost always ends with an "assessment" of our relationships, just because after all social, cultural, superficial, and existential topics has been exhausted, that's the only interesting thing left to talk about, and every time it ends up with us being on exactly the same place - whether happy and contented, or confused and conflicted, we're always on the same page. It's funny and ironic and incredible that there are people like her I can feel an infinite affinity to and it's something I'm assured I will never lose. The universe just reiterated my belief in that tonight and I'm grateful.

I'm not really sure what's the point I wanted to make when I started typing; I'm not even sure if I do have a point. I just initially wanted to weed away the remaining thoughts that have been lingering inside my head so that I can finally get to sleep. Then again, I've always been a blind believer of things happening for a reason, and though I can't find the technical means to defend that right now, I know somehow, the universe has its reasons for making this day turn out the way it did. Maybe it wanted to make me feel that I'm not alone, maybe it wanted to reassure me that I'm not as indifferent or as apathetic as I think myself to be. Or maybe the universe just thinks I could use a good amount of discourse today, both internal and external, and it conveniently arranged my day to accommodate for that. Whatever your reasons may be, thank you, universe, for making it up to me somehow. May your kindness never cease - or at least until this week, you know I'm excited as fuck for my PE class.

Now that that's out of my head, I can finally get to sleep.


(Or not. I just remembered I'll have to Wiki German measles again.)



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