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Absence makes the heart grow indifferent.

April 22, 2011    |    0 COMMENT(S)

If there's one thing I'm surprised I can do quite well, it's detaching. Growing up, I've always thought I had separation anxiety issues - I would cry when my mom leaves for work, I would hang on to my grandmother's legs after every visit. I clearly remember one phase in my kindergarten life where my mom and I had this little routine: she'd bring me to the gate, I'd walk about thirty steps away from her, then I'd run back crying and wiping my snot on her pencil skirt. Then she'd bring me to the gate again, and I'd wave her goodbye before I finally lose her in the bustle of students running late and sisters returning to school after mass. Looking back, that would've been evident signs of the Cannot Let Go complex.

But when I ruminate on all the things I've had to let go of in the last few years, I'm (pleasantly) surprised that it didn't take much of a struggle. For someone who used to hold on to things until I got rope burn, I was able to walk away without devastating injuries. Yes, the pain was there, and of course I felt confused and resentful. Yet there was always that window for release - there was never a "I cannot do that" moment. They were always, "I'd rather not do it, of course, but what the hell, it's not like I can't." Which I think explains why giving The Cold War has become my expertise. And which some people mistake as strength, when all it really is (I think for me, at least) is indifference.

Yes, indifference. I have learned to become indifferent to situations I do not want and people I prefer to not handle. I don't know if it's the adult thing to do, or even the decent one at that, but it gets me through. Sometimes, it's this uncaring, uninterested attitude that actually gets things done and makes me feel more satisfied with how things fall into place.


What the hell, this is just me justifying my apparent lack of interest for the Internet lately. I can't explain the irony behind my detachment from this evil, time-consuming, soul-eating digital cloud right when summer started. But for what it's worth, it's starting to seem like my summer isn't going to be wasted staring at the screen. And I don't mind that at all.

But maybe a few days from now things will change, who knows? Maybe after the Holy Week, I'd feel the need to click the Chrome logo again, when classes resume and get more interesting. For the sake of the curious, I'm taking summer classes to finally rid myself of the remaining GE subjects left in our curriculum: Math 2 (Practical Math, where we compute electric bills and VAT) and - drumroll please - my last ever PE in my college life: Striptease.

Oh yes, how could I possibly not write about that? :>


In the meantime, I shall go because my iPod is beckoning. Warpaint's Exquisite Corpse and The Fool, and Rumer's Seasons of My Soul have been on loop for the last couple of days. Ah, I don't regret trading my Internet hours for that.



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