Three hundred!
July 18, 2009
Oh my goodness, I can't believe it: This is my 300th post! I've always been a frustrated writer, and I will be the first to admit that even if I didn't always take this blogging business seriously, it has helped bring me to where I am now. I'm not proud of everything I've written here, especially ones that have exposed way too much about my private life, but I guess in a way seeing everything written down made me view myself in a different perspective and helped me become a better person. It has been said that much of the words we write mirror who we are. I guess three hundred posts are not enough to show you a whole reflection of me entirely but it is me, it is Karla -- all real.
Thank you to all the readers and visitors who have become such great friends offline and online. It is a pleasure getting to know all of you, especially meeting some in person! I must admit that blogging wouldn't be half as fun if it weren't for you. So I guess this post is also for you guys. Thank you, really :)
I'm crossing my fingers for three hundred more!
//
I think the post before this may seem intriguing to some. And if you haven't already noticed, well, I like keeping things vague. I like being cryptic :> But let's get the records straight -- I don't have a boyfriend. Just so we're clear :) I just happen to be a regular 17-year-old girl who met a guy and really liked him. I tried downplaying this for the last six months but I guess some things cannot be hidden forever.
Sometimes things happen when we least expect them. I've made some decisions that I don't necessarily regret but wish to have turned out a different way. Things could have been better, things could be so much greater than how they are now. But what is there left to do but just let things be? I didn't always like the phrase, "We'll see," because it's a double-edged sword -- does it mean the end or just the beginning? It seems so unsure. It's like venturing into the unknown and having no idea if you can come back alive. And I hate being unsure.
However something about this situation, this person, makes me find solace in the uncertainty.
//
This week is full of birthdays and rains.
Yesterday classes were postponed much to the delight of everyone. Me, initially, not so much. I stayed up all-night finishing a paper for the quantum theory of turbulence and reading an inch-thick worth of readings for another subject. However, after the initial annoyance wore off ,I felt intensely relieved -- NO CLASSES! Wooooh! I haven't experienced cancellation of class in such a long time already, something I missed in high school. So yeah, who was I to complain?
It was also Ria's birthday yesterday. Had so much fun with CrEngg! We just hung out at our dorm and at KFC Katip. Nothing else to do anyway since it was raining practically all day :)) And we played, what else, Killer Killer! Hahaha. But tomorrow is Ria's debut. Wooh, party time! \m/ Can't wait!
Then, tonight I went to Keng's birthday celeb and met up with high school-mates. I missed the familiar noise and asaran of long-time friends! Haha. The best part of the night was The Book of Answers which Inna, Tin, and I now fervently believe. :))
//
I held The Book of Answers in my hand. Inna and Tin were waiting. I closed my eyes, whispered the question, held the book tight, and opened the page.
"It is certain."
Ano baaa.
I leave it all to you, Fate. I leave it all to you.
11:11 PM
Before the clock strikes 12.
July 15, 2009
To the boy whose smile can wipe away my exhaustion after a day of gruelling academics, whose laugh can ease even the worst of migraines, whose basketball skills are that of a champ, whose Math skills are capable of making my jaw drop and break into tiny little pieces on the floor, whose gaze pierces at me as I look straight into his eyes, whose voice soothes my neuroses in the strangest of ways, whose scent I can distinctly smell from a mile away, whose name I will forever write at the back of my notebooks, whose presence made everything else a thousand shades brighter..
Oh, and happy birthday to Chris Tiu, too! :)
Alam na :> Haha :)
11:58 PM
Soundtrack.
July 13, 2009
I am in Stereophonics mode.
Next to Paramita and the OTH Friends with Benefit album, it's the Stereophonics I go to when I'm feeling sad, confused, awesome, or all of the above. I regret not having discovered them sooner. But, I'm glad too that I only got to appreciate them lately otherwise I would've attached their music to things of the past and certain moments of my present life wouldn't have had Stereophonics playing on the background.
That's one thing about me. I always try to put a background music on particular scenes in my life. As if everything is straight out from One Tree Hill or some other teenage drama show, a song is designated inside my head as a situation unfolds before my eyes. It's just automatic, like I have a permanent iPod on shuffle mode attached to my ears. I heard the opening riffs of Angels and Airwave's The Adventure as I received my high school diploma. Brighter Than Sunshine by Aqualung was playing in my head when I was walking from Physics to AS while holding hands with someone. And Meg from Hercules was pestering me all week last week with I Won't Say I'm In Love. It sounds crazy I know, but it's not as if I'm consciously assigning songs in my mind. Sometimes they just happen. And forever will that memory be emotionally involved with that song. Everything becomes clearer and worth-remembering because of a song.
Last Friday was supposedly the most eventful moment in my so-called love life (or lack thereof). A guy, a girl, a chicken-and-rice value meal, rain heavily pouring outside, a confession -- what could be more dramatic than that? And yet, the iPod inside my head failed me. It went dead. No epic piano riffs, no goosebump-inducing chorus, no melancholic final chord. Nothing. Just the noise of people around us, and the constant nagging of the voice inside my head.
The thing is, I get lost when certain key points in my life transpire and no song plays out. It's as if I'm grappling with what emotions to feel, what actions to carry out. I'm at a loss for words. It's so strange but I can't seem to feel anything without the right themesong on cue. So how was I supposed to pull it off without the proper song to back me up?
I was struggling. What to say, what to do, what to feel.. WHAT?
That one moment where I needed a song, that one push -- and I fell apart.
Whyyyyyy neuro-iPod, why?
Everything that happened was a blur. I can't even remember the exact details of that night anymore. All I know is that, that night was (musically) silent -- in my head, at least. If my life were a drama show and last Friday was the season finale, the screen just faded to black. No ending montage of scenes with a larger-than-life instrumental in the background. Nothing.
And then this morning I heard the familiar opening beats of Stereophonics' Dakota. Suddenly, the DVD player inside my head (yes there's an entire portable media system all cramped up inside my neurotic mind) started rewinding, and the whole Friday night started replaying in my head.. with Kelly Jones' vocals providing the perfect backdrop to the scene.
Closure. Or something close to it. That's what I feel.
The sting lingers. But now the healing can finally begin.
You made me feel like the one.
4:36 PM
Vanilla.
July 7, 2009
I've always loved sundaes. I'm a huge ice cream addict in general, but there is something about a sundae cone that always pulls me in for an irresistible bite. There is something about that rich, creamy explosion of vanilla that sends tsunamis of fulfilling sensations in my mouth. Unknown to many, I love vanilla or any vanilla based flavor because much like an all-time favorite karaoke tune or your most comfortable pair of jeans, you never go wrong with vanilla. It's sweet, safe, and makes you feel good.
My days are usually very vanilla. Nothing really spectacular happens but they're okay. I go to class, I listen to the prof and take down notes, I meet up with friends -- the typical. No sudden headache-inducing setbacks or adrenaline-rushing moments. It's just.. okay. Normal.
Well, today was nothing new. Today was as vanilla as all the other days. It rained around two o'clock as usual. Everything was muted to the predictable overcast that comes with the weather. I was ready to lie down in my bed and contemplate on my CW100 paper due tomorrow. I was all set to finish my routines and end the day. It was so vanilla -- melted vanilla ice cream, almost.
And just when my day was coming to a close, I suddenly had a pouring of good old hot fudge :)
Rude awakening: Now that I think about it, it's ironic that my "sundaes" are almost always figurative. I want a real actual ice cream cone right now. Sometimes no matter how happy I may have been because of a dollop of metaphorical chocolate syrup and a spoonful of symbolic strawberry sprinkles, nothing beats the real thing. A sundae might just be what I need to give me that little push to help me finish this CW100 draft.
Dial 8-Mcdo?
5:37 PM
I've got the hots and the colds.
July 1, 2009
For the past few days, it's been raining cats and dogs every afternoon, around two o'clock. I don't mind the heavy downpour, in fact in most occasions I love it because it gives me the license to be all mushy and sentimental. I like the broody feel that is naturally emitted by everything that surrounds me when it rains. It's as if the world has been notched down one shade darker and suddenly everything is gray and pleasant. I also like romanticizing rain as much as you all do.
What I don't like is when reality has to settle in and I actually have to rush through the rain. Even with my trusty umbrella in hand and my super kick-ass pink jacket on, I still end up wet. Also, I hate that after just five or so minutes of intense pouring, the sun comes shining out immediately and it's all hot again. GREEEEAAAT. Then I feel all sweaty and icky afterwards. Getting wet or sweaty per se is not the problem, it's the aftermath of both: COLDS.
I hate the feeling of having to *sniff sniff* every second or so, because it just keeps dripping despite continuous blowing! Ugh. It feels gross. And it is gross. No-Drowse Decolgen temporarily relieved me (and saved me from falling asleep in my STS class) but the colds are back to haunt me tonight. Oh noooo. I wish, however, that this is only the result of the quick weather changes and not exactly a symptom of a certain dreaded flu virus. It cannot be. IT SHOULDN'T BE. I finally got myself motivated for school.. somehow.
-----
The question for tomorrow's PanPil19 paper is, "What was your most erotic experience?" and the prelude to that is, "What is the most sensitive part of your body?"
How do I answer this?! Sure, we're all teenagers with occasional hormonal moments every now and then, but how do I put this down on paper? I have considered inventing, just 'cause I've always wanted to try writing something -- ahem, sensual. But alas this isn't my CW100 class. Or even CW198 (Erotic Writing) for that matter. This isn't supposed to be fiction; it's asking me for my own experience. My own. Oh God, what to do what to do what to do.
I guess that's up to me to find out and write down for the next few hours or so. I have the whole night to lay down and "reflect" about this. Of course, the paper will be for my professor's eyes and mine, so perhaps there is no problem in letting it all out.
Not that I have anything to let out in the first place. Haha :))
4:42 PM
The proof of true and unending friendship?
June 30, 2009
When you can talk about erotic, sexy, lustful, and dirty things for hours and hours on end..
and it doesn't change the way things are. :))
Hello, CRENGG!
Or should I say.. TIGASS? :)))
Hey, let the sinless cast the first stone :P
11:43 PM
Cramming.
June 28, 2009
Cramming for tomorrow's report on liberal feminism for PanPil19.
Yes, you read it right folks, I have a class tomorrow,
A SUNDAY. Our beloved professor, whom I fondly nicknamed as "Grandmama" would be out for four meetings in August so she wanted to give us an advanced make-up class. And since most of us had Saturday and Monday classes, the only free day for everyone was this Sunday. Which actually sucks, because hello, Sunday. SUNDAY.
You never touch Sunday. Sunday is acads-free day. I never spend Sundays anywhere else other than with my family.
(Oh wait, I'm suddenly reminded of high school Sabayan practices. But still. That isn't entirely academically related.. it was for a competition. So, not counted.)
Anyway, I have been looking for the PDF file of our required reading for quite some time already but I just couldn't. I failed to go to the Main Lib last Friday because one of my groupmates told me the topic is easily searchable online. Well, thank God for my friend
Enzo who was luckily still awake and helped me look for a parallel reading copy in text format. Nonetheless, I'm still somehow panicking because I haven't read the entire thing thoroughly.
Thank God Grandmama isn't that strict when it comes to reporting. However, slacking and not reading are inexcusable. So yeah. I want to make good tomorrow.
I have to change the topic lest I explode out of stress.
[Change topic]WE WATCHED TRANSFORMERS A WHILE AGO.
*insert fangirl screaming*Fact: Megan Fox is hands down, the hottest, most kick-ass babe to ever walk the planet. I'm as girly as a lifetime of pink frills and Barbie dolls, but man I can't help but feel so lesbo when I see her on screen! Haha. (I just had to say that.) But of course the movie itself was just made out of pure awesome. The action scenes were just amazing, thanks in large part to the great visual effects. They look so real -- for a while I actually believed all cars might secretly be Autobots or Decepticons. Haha. Of course, I won't spoil any of you guys because it is really worth watching on the big screen. I'm telling you, YOU HAVE GOT TO SEE IT NOW.
Meanwhile..
I am surprisingly saddened about Michael Jackson's passing considering that I am not a fan. What really hurt me about his sudden death was that he was supposed to make a big comeback. After everything he's been through -- pedophile cases, huge financial debts, declining music career -- I can't help but root for him. He is the King of Pop for Pete's sake, but he turned into a big joke, with everyone making fun of his big fake nose and eerily white skin. But despite all that, he is still Michael Jackson, probably one of the greatest musicians of all time and he deserved to redeem himself, even for the last time. So it really, really breaks my heart that he didn't even get that chance. Right now, Rock With You is playing inside my head. He will be sorely missed. RIP Michael Jackson.
Another was that of Farah Fawcett's. I also am not a big fan of her but I used to watch reruns of Charlie's Angels on Star World when I was in grade school. I remember my mom telling me stories about how she and her two sisters would pretend to be the Angels and play like the super spies. I always wanted to try her famous hairdo because it looked so uncomplicated and refreshing. And she always had that big smile on her face. RIP Farah Fawcett.
I wonder how my parents' generation feels right now. Two of the most iconic people from their time passed away in one day. People they used to scream for, watch, idolize, just suddenly gone.
What would happen to me (and us) when our pop icons die? Of course the world won't stop turning but suddenly everything will change. It's like a part of your childhood or adolescence would die along with them too. It's as if life is giving you one huge reality check, that the past is really in the past, that time is moving quickly and you are growing older. Sigh.
[/change topic]I'm afraid I might regret my decision of watching Transformers instead of researching early for this report. However, the mere thought of the bragging rights I get for seeing it on its opening weekend --
oooh, priceless. Haha :))
I'm off to sleep.
Buona notte!
12:18 AM
The battlefield that is college.
June 26, 2009
It has only been two weeks and already so much has happened.
How is second year life so far? Not much difference from last year's other than, I suppose, less awkwardness and a huge sense of familiarity. My eyes don't sparkle in awe every time I step into one of the gigantic buildings, my legs don't ache from all the walking, my ears don't yearn for the public address bell anymore -- in short, I am used to college. UP is now really my second home.
Everything is a blur. I still haven't wrapped my head around my schedule. All I know is that I get off at 2:30 or 1:00. Sometimes I meet up with friends, sometimes I go straight home. More and more recognizeable faces greet me along the hallways, but it takes me 2 seconds to remember where I've met them. My roommate is sick. More and more papers are piling up. Half of my coins already went to photocopying readings. I'm running out of yellow paper.
The thing I'm worried about is that because college, like an old comfortable t-shirt, has already become so au fait with me, I don't feel excited anymore. Stress is creeping up to me, and yes I admittedly feel relieved that finally boredom and idleness have a reason to crawl out of my system, but I feel like a machine already. And this early into the sem! I need some oiling! I feel like a squeaking, mechanical robot. I need a push. And no, not a new crush.
Maybe I just need to watch Transformers? Since everyone is talking about it..
HOLYJUMPINGJACKS.
Nakaka-tibo :))
I have a strong feeling this has got to do with the weather.
Or hormones.
Or the fact that I haven't been eating ice cream for God knows how long.
Or maybe I just feel alone, and I need to go back home and curl up in my own bed.
Oh, I wonder how the rest of the year will be like.
Let's hope I've got enough optimism in store to keep me going :)
12:17 AM
Reasons Why Papa is The Greatest Guy On The Planet.
June 24, 2009
- He still insists on playing Wii and other fun games with me and Mommy.
- He buys me the complete DVDs of my favorite series and movies even when I'm not asking him to buy for me.
- He hugs and kisses me before he leaves and when he arrives -- even whem I'm already 17, hehe.
- He always texts Mommy and me before and after he boards a plane for his business travels.
- He brings home yummy tempura because he knows it's my favorite dish.
- He serves the church and the community religiously.
- He knows everything -- from literature, to science, to history. I can ask him about anything and he will always always always give me the right answer. I really think he's the smartest man ever :D
- He doesn't say no when it comes to books.
- He and I can talk about anything, from the littlest things like shoes to the big issues like sex. And no awkwardness whatsoever. Our conversations can stretch out for hours and we wouldn't be running out of things to talk about.
- He tolerates Mommy and me's kakikayan (and kasungitan, hehe)
- Even when he gets mad at us sometimes, he still always hugs us and makes lambing.
- He loves his family so much. His love for his mother, siblings, aunts, and other relatives is beyond words.
- He willingly sacrifices if it would be for other people's happiness.
- He can sing along to Craig David and Usher!!! And The Corrs, hehe.
- He allows me to go to gimmicks that my mom won't, hehe.
- He always tells me stories about his childhood.
- He explains everything so well. Everything he discusses with you will make you feel convinced in the end.
- He makes sound and reasonable judgment. He doesn't let emotions get in the way.
- He only spanked me once in my life :D
- He spoils Mommy and me, hihi.
- He always forgives me even if I'm not the most well-behaved daughter out there.
- He finds a way to solve the problems all the time.
- We both love vanilla ice cream. We can eat vanilla ice cream forever!
- He still kisses me good night.
- He is an excellent tour guide because he reads too many travel books.. but I'm better than him. Hehe. He panicked when we were at the Subway.
- He loves taking pictures of anything using his digicam.
- He brings me and Mommy to wherever we want to go -- from Vegas to New York! :D
- He loves watching superhero movies with me.
- He always calls and checks on me, just like Mommy. But he is not makulit. Hehe.
- He shoos away the cats that stay in front of our gate because he understands my fear of them.
- He says "I love you" to Mommy and me everyday.
I can write this list forever and I still wouldn't run out of things to say about Papa. He is not the typical strict or disciplinarian dad, but I have great respect for him because despite every negative thing you could say about him, there is a genuinely loving and caring person inside. He never spoiled me like the dads on TV with credit cards and cold hard cash that were spent by their bratty little daughters -- he spoiled me with love and kisses and hugs. I am so lucky to have him as my father. I don't know what Mommy and I would do without him :)
If not having any siblings meant I would have my parents as my best friends, then that's not so bad after all.
Forever the Papa's girl :)
Belated Happy Father's Day, Papa!
I love you! ♥4:55 PM
THE ONE THAT GOT AWAY..
June 12, 2009
Source: The Manila Times
By: Mark J. Macapagal
In your life, you’ll make note of a lot of people. Ones with whom you shared something special, ones who will always mean something. There’s the one you first kissed, the one you first loved, the one you lost your virginity to, the one you put on a pedestal, the one you’re with …and the one that got away.
Who is the one that got away?
I guess it’s that person with who everything was great, everything was perfect, but the timing was just wrong. There was no fault in the person, there was no flaw in the chemistry, but the cards just didn’t fall the right way, I suppose. I believe in the fact that ending up with someone, finding a long time partner that is, does not lie merely in the other person. I can actually argue that an equal part, or maybe even the greater part, has to do with the matter of timing.
It has to do with you being ready to settle down and commit to someone in a way that goes beyond the little niceties of giddy romance. How often have you gone through it without even realizing it? When you’re not ready to commit in that mature manner, it doesn’t matter who you’re with, it just doesn’t work. Small problems become big; inconsequential become deal breakers simply because you’re not ready and it shows. It’s not that you and the person you’re with are no good; it’s just that it’s not yet right, and little things become the flashpoint of that fact.
Then one day you’re ready. You really are. And when this happens you’ll be ready to settle down with someone. He or she may not be perfect, they might not be the brightest star of romance to ever have burned in your life, but it’ll work because you’re ready. It’ll work because it’s the right time and you’ll make it work. And it’ll make sense, it really will. The day comes when you’re finally making sense of things, and you find yourself to be a different person. Things are different, your approach is different, you finally understand who you are and what you want and you’ve become ready because the time has truly arrived. And mind you, there’s no telling when this day will come.
Hopefully you’re single… but you could be in a long-term relationship, you could be married with three kids, it doesn’t matter. All you know is that you’ve changed, and for some reason, the one that got away, is the first person you think about. You’ll think about them because you’ll wonder, "What if they were here today?" You’ll wonder, "What if we were together now, with me as I am and not as I was?"
That’s what the one that got away is. The biggest "What if?" you’ll have in your life.
If you’re married, you’ll just have to accept the fact that the one that got away, got away. Believe me, no matter how fairy tale you think your marriage is, this can happen to the best of us. But hopefully you’re mature enough to realize that if you’re already with the one you’re with, that this is just another test of your commitment, one which will just strengthen your marriage when you get past it. Sure, you’ll think about him/her every so often, but it’s alright. It’s never nice to live with a "might have been," but it happens.
Maybe the one that got away is the one who’s already married. In which case it’s the same thing. You just have to accept and know that your memories of that person will probably bring a nice little smile to your lips in the future when you’re old and gray and reminiscing.
But if neither of that is the case, then it’s different. What do you do if it’s not yet too late? Simple… find him, find her. Because the very existence of a "one that got away" means that you’ll always wonder, what if you got that one? Ask him out to coffee; ask her out to a movie, it doesn’t matter if you’ve dropped in from out of nowhere. You’d be surprised, you just might be "the one that got away" as well for the person who is your "the one that got away." You might drop in from out of nowhere and it won’t make a difference.
If the timing is finally right, it’ll all just fall into place somehow. And it would be a great feeling, if in the end, you’d be able to say to someone, "Hey you, you’re the one that almost got away."
----
ARAAAAAY! Haha :))Minsan hindi ko maiwasang isipin kung pinapatamaan ba talaga ko ng mga bagay-bagay sa mundo eh. :P Things always turn out for the best in the end. I still believe in that :)(Got this from
Cams! Thanks, Cams :D)
10:19 PM
lil_msnice11
