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Let me tell you something about midterms.

August 24, 2012    |    0 COMMENT(S)

It drives one crazy. It takes one on the edge. It dangles in front of one the possibility of redemption, yet it also threatens one with the very realistic notion of defeat. It's sweet mental torture.

I don't think I've been very subtle about my growing exhaustion for law school. It really is bringing out the worst in me - and how could it not? Everyday you do your best, and it just never seems enough. You sleep at the most ungodly of hours, you stay away from people you care about, you stop doing things you normally enjoy - just so you can give your full attention to the cases you have to read. Yet, come crunch time, say a recit or the actual exam, you still end up feeling like you have no idea what you're doing. Unfortunately, there are no points for the effort: it's either you got the answer right or you didn't. It's an unending pattern of frustration.

But if there is one thing I am thankful for in all this, it's that I've realized who brings out the best in me - and in law school, this is most crucial. It's difficult enough to have to come to terms with your weaknesses on your own, it's a whole other story when you see those in contrast with other people's strengths. It can really unleash some unknown demons you never knew existed before. But once you find people who are on the exact same boat, it somehow lessens the anxiety. It gets one through the day, enough to make you say you can go through the next one, and the next one.

I cannot stress how thankful I am that the Law School Sorting Hat (because we picked our via the random, totally fortuitous method of picking a folder. Oooooooooh, yeah how exciting, eh?) put me in this block. In the last nine weeks, I think I've spent more time with these people than I ever have with my actual bed - and that's saying a lot. It's kind of bordering on insane levels of clingy already - like, it's getting more and more difficult to study without them. But it really does help having people around. It keeps me grounded, and it keeps me together. It saves my ass come judgment time. And right now really, that's what matters.

My last exam's on Saturday. I have no idea how I did in the last three exams that I took - and really, I don't want to expect anything. Because if there's anything I learned (the difficult way, unfortunately) in law school, is that you're never right, and you're never sure, no matter how right or sure you think you are. It sounds like it's such a dread, and it is, it is. But it's not without its share of silver linings. I'll give it that. 

And if anything, at least there's more reason to smile at the little things now. 


(And really, I can't wait to go back on Facebook again! After our last exam I'M BACK ONLINE BITCHEZ. #smalljoys)



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