I guess it is true what they say about beginnings and endings -- it all happens too fast and too soon. Things start coming to a close before we even get the chance to relish it; things begin unfolding before we have time to forget. It's a continuous rollercoaster ride and there's no way to be sure of what's going to happen next. Sometimes, it's so sudden it hurts. But sometimes, the rush makes the transition easier. It's confusing, it's uncertain, it's complicated.

I'm standing between an ending and a beginning. The lines have been blurred and I don't know if I'm still on the same chapter. But one thing is for sure: if fate won't finish it for me, I will. I will end this. Because I deserve a new start.

I'm deleting some old posts. Just because.

//

Today was Red Hair day. Jio brought with him his hair coloring spray and dyed his hair red 1) because he's making a statement, and 2) because he's cool like that. What started as Jio the Super Heartthrob's look quickly made its way to the heads of everyone in CrEngg. Before the day ended we all had red streaks and I was singing a la Hailey of Paramore. Haha.

Maybe you're gonna be the one that saves me :)

Professors.

Despite their many quirks and differences, they all have one thing in common: the very, very interesting things they have to say.

Now let's juxtapose it with this:

On the other hand, what will become of us when we don't choose? One cannot let too many choices become an excuse for not choosing. What if that was your once chance at something great, something extraordinary, and you just let it slip right through your fingers? Just imagine the many opportunities you're letting go of if you don't fight for something. Because, after all, what else is there to do in life than to take risks and -- our own battles? We cannot play safe forever. Somewhere down the line, we have to jump right into the water and just swim.

Now I throw the question to you.

//

Let's be cryptic again, shall we?

Oh my goodness, I can't believe it: This is my 300th post! I've always been a frustrated writer, and I will be the first to admit that even if I didn't always take this blogging business seriously, it has helped bring me to where I am now. I'm not proud of everything I've written here, especially ones that have exposed way too much about my private life, but I guess in a way seeing everything written down made me view myself in a different perspective and helped me become a better person. It has been said that much of the words we write mirror who we are. I guess three hundred posts are not enough to show you a whole reflection of me entirely but it is me, it is Karla -- all real.

Thank you to all the readers and visitors who have become such great friends offline and online. It is a pleasure getting to know all of you, especially meeting some in person! I must admit that blogging wouldn't be half as fun if it weren't for you. So I guess this post is also for you guys. Thank you, really :)

I'm crossing my fingers for three hundred more!


//


I think the post before this may seem intriguing to some. And if you haven't already noticed, well, I like keeping things vague. I like being cryptic :> But let's get the records straight -- I don't have a boyfriend. Just so we're clear :) I just happen to be a regular 17-year-old girl who met a guy and really liked him. I tried downplaying this for the last six months but I guess some things cannot be hidden forever.

Sometimes things happen when we least expect them. I've made some decisions that I don't necessarily regret but wish to have turned out a different way. Things could have been better, things could be so much greater than how they are now. But what is there left to do but just let things be? I didn't always like the phrase, "We'll see," because it's a double-edged sword -- does it mean the end or just the beginning? It seems so unsure. It's like venturing into the unknown and having no idea if you can come back alive. And I hate being unsure.

However something about this situation, this person, makes me find solace in the uncertainty.


//


This week is full of birthdays and rains.

Yesterday classes were postponed much to the delight of everyone. Me, initially, not so much. I stayed up all-night finishing a paper for the quantum theory of turbulence and reading an inch-thick worth of readings for another subject. However, after the initial annoyance wore off ,I felt intensely relieved -- NO CLASSES! Wooooh! I haven't experienced cancellation of class in such a long time already, something I missed in high school. So yeah, who was I to complain?

It was also Ria's birthday yesterday. Had so much fun with CrEngg! We just hung out at our dorm and at KFC Katip. Nothing else to do anyway since it was raining practically all day :)) And we played, what else, Killer Killer! Hahaha. But tomorrow is Ria's debut. Wooh, party time! \m/ Can't wait!

Then, tonight I went to Keng's birthday celeb and met up with high school-mates. I missed the familiar noise and asaran of long-time friends! Haha. The best part of the night was The Book of Answers which Inna, Tin, and I now fervently believe. :))


//


I held The Book of Answers in my hand. Inna and Tin were waiting. I closed my eyes, whispered the question, held the book tight, and opened the page.

"It is certain."


Ano baaa.

I leave it all to you, Fate. I leave it all to you.

I am in Stereophonics mode.

Next to Paramita and the OTH Friends with Benefit album, it's the Stereophonics I go to when I'm feeling sad, confused, awesome, or all of the above. I regret not having discovered them sooner. But, I'm glad too that I only got to appreciate them lately otherwise I would've attached their music to things of the past and certain moments of my present life wouldn't have had Stereophonics playing on the background.


That's one thing about me. I always try to put a background music on particular scenes in my life. As if everything is straight out from One Tree Hill or some other teenage drama show, a song is designated inside my head as a situation unfolds before my eyes. It's just automatic, like I have a permanent iPod on shuffle mode attached to my ears. I heard the opening riffs of Angels and Airwave's The Adventure as I received my high school diploma. Brighter Than Sunshine by Aqualung was playing in my head when I was walking from Physics to AS while holding hands with someone. And Meg from Hercules was pestering me all week last week with I Won't Say I'm In Love. It sounds crazy I know, but it's not as if I'm consciously assigning songs in my mind. Sometimes they just happen. And forever will that memory be emotionally involved with that song. Everything becomes clearer and worth-remembering because of a song.


Last Friday was supposedly the most eventful moment in my so-called love life (or lack thereof). A guy, a girl, a chicken-and-rice value meal, rain heavily pouring outside, a confession -- what could be more dramatic than that? And yet, the iPod inside my head failed me. It went dead. No epic piano riffs, no goosebump-inducing chorus, no melancholic final chord. Nothing. Just the noise of people around us, and the constant nagging of the voice inside my head.

The thing is, I get lost when certain key points in my life transpire and no song plays out. It's as if I'm grappling with what emotions to feel, what actions to carry out. I'm at a loss for words. It's so strange but I can't seem to feel anything without the right themesong on cue. So how was I supposed to pull it off without the proper song to back me up?

I was struggling. What to say, what to do, what to feel.. WHAT?
That one moment where I needed a song, that one push -- and I fell apart.
Whyyyyyy neuro-iPod, why?

Everything that happened was a blur. I can't even remember the exact details of that night anymore. All I know is that, that night was (musically) silent -- in my head, at least. If my life were a drama show and last Friday was the season finale, the screen just faded to black. No ending montage of scenes with a larger-than-life instrumental in the background. Nothing.


And then this morning I heard the familiar opening beats of Stereophonics' Dakota. Suddenly, the DVD player inside my head (yes there's an entire portable media system all cramped up inside my neurotic mind) started rewinding, and the whole Friday night started replaying in my head.. with Kelly Jones' vocals providing the perfect backdrop to the scene.

Closure. Or something close to it. That's what I feel.
The sting lingers. But now the healing can finally begin.




You made me feel like the one.

I've always loved sundaes. I'm a huge ice cream addict in general, but there is something about a sundae cone that always pulls me in for an irresistible bite. There is something about that rich, creamy explosion of vanilla that sends tsunamis of fulfilling sensations in my mouth. Unknown to many, I love vanilla or any vanilla based flavor because much like an all-time favorite karaoke tune or your most comfortable pair of jeans, you never go wrong with vanilla. It's sweet, safe, and makes you feel good.

My days are usually very vanilla. Nothing really spectacular happens but they're okay. I go to class, I listen to the prof and take down notes, I meet up with friends -- the typical. No sudden headache-inducing setbacks or adrenaline-rushing moments. It's just.. okay. Normal.

Well, today was nothing new. Today was as vanilla as all the other days. It rained around two o'clock as usual. Everything was muted to the predictable overcast that comes with the weather. I was ready to lie down in my bed and contemplate on my CW100 paper due tomorrow. I was all set to finish my routines and end the day. It was so vanilla -- melted vanilla ice cream, almost.

And just when my day was coming to a close, I suddenly had a pouring of good old hot fudge :)

Rude awakening: Now that I think about it, it's ironic that my "sundaes" are almost always figurative. I want a real actual ice cream cone right now. Sometimes no matter how happy I may have been because of a dollop of metaphorical chocolate syrup and a spoonful of symbolic strawberry sprinkles, nothing beats the real thing. A sundae might just be what I need to give me that little push to help me finish this CW100 draft.

Dial 8-Mcdo?

For the past few days, it's been raining cats and dogs every afternoon, around two o'clock. I don't mind the heavy downpour, in fact in most occasions I love it because it gives me the license to be all mushy and sentimental. I like the broody feel that is naturally emitted by everything that surrounds me when it rains. It's as if the world has been notched down one shade darker and suddenly everything is gray and pleasant. I also like romanticizing rain as much as you all do.

What I don't like is when reality has to settle in and I actually have to rush through the rain. Even with my trusty umbrella in hand and my super kick-ass pink jacket on, I still end up wet. Also, I hate that after just five or so minutes of intense pouring, the sun comes shining out immediately and it's all hot again. GREEEEAAAT. Then I feel all sweaty and icky afterwards. Getting wet or sweaty per se is not the problem, it's the aftermath of both: COLDS.

I hate the feeling of having to *sniff sniff* every second or so, because it just keeps dripping despite continuous blowing! Ugh. It feels gross. And it is gross. No-Drowse Decolgen temporarily relieved me (and saved me from falling asleep in my STS class) but the colds are back to haunt me tonight. Oh noooo. I wish, however, that this is only the result of the quick weather changes and not exactly a symptom of a certain dreaded flu virus. It cannot be. IT SHOULDN'T BE. I finally got myself motivated for school.. somehow.

-----

The question for tomorrow's PanPil19 paper is, "What was your most erotic experience?" and the prelude to that is, "What is the most sensitive part of your body?"

How do I answer this?! Sure, we're all teenagers with occasional hormonal moments every now and then, but how do I put this down on paper? I have considered inventing, just 'cause I've always wanted to try writing something -- ahem, sensual. But alas this isn't my CW100 class. Or even CW198 (Erotic Writing) for that matter. This isn't supposed to be fiction; it's asking me for my own experience. My own. Oh God, what to do what to do what to do.

I guess that's up to me to find out and write down for the next few hours or so. I have the whole night to lay down and "reflect" about this. Of course, the paper will be for my professor's eyes and mine, so perhaps there is no problem in letting it all out.

Not that I have anything to let out in the first place. Haha :))

I guess it is true what they say about beginnings and endings -- it all happens too fast and too soon. Things start coming to a close before we even get the chance to relish it; things begin unfolding before we have time to forget. It's a continuous rollercoaster ride and there's no way to be sure of what's going to happen next. Sometimes, it's so sudden it hurts. But sometimes, the rush makes the transition easier. It's confusing, it's uncertain, it's complicated.

I'm standing between an ending and a beginning. The lines have been blurred and I don't know if I'm still on the same chapter. But one thing is for sure: if fate won't finish it for me, I will. I will end this. Because I deserve a new start.

I'm deleting some old posts. Just because.

//

Today was Red Hair day. Jio brought with him his hair coloring spray and dyed his hair red 1) because he's making a statement, and 2) because he's cool like that. What started as Jio the Super Heartthrob's look quickly made its way to the heads of everyone in CrEngg. Before the day ended we all had red streaks and I was singing a la Hailey of Paramore. Haha.

Maybe you're gonna be the one that saves me :)

Professors.

Despite their many quirks and differences, they all have one thing in common: the very, very interesting things they have to say.

Now let's juxtapose it with this:

On the other hand, what will become of us when we don't choose? One cannot let too many choices become an excuse for not choosing. What if that was your once chance at something great, something extraordinary, and you just let it slip right through your fingers? Just imagine the many opportunities you're letting go of if you don't fight for something. Because, after all, what else is there to do in life than to take risks and -- our own battles? We cannot play safe forever. Somewhere down the line, we have to jump right into the water and just swim.

Now I throw the question to you.

//

Let's be cryptic again, shall we?

Oh my goodness, I can't believe it: This is my 300th post! I've always been a frustrated writer, and I will be the first to admit that even if I didn't always take this blogging business seriously, it has helped bring me to where I am now. I'm not proud of everything I've written here, especially ones that have exposed way too much about my private life, but I guess in a way seeing everything written down made me view myself in a different perspective and helped me become a better person. It has been said that much of the words we write mirror who we are. I guess three hundred posts are not enough to show you a whole reflection of me entirely but it is me, it is Karla -- all real.

Thank you to all the readers and visitors who have become such great friends offline and online. It is a pleasure getting to know all of you, especially meeting some in person! I must admit that blogging wouldn't be half as fun if it weren't for you. So I guess this post is also for you guys. Thank you, really :)

I'm crossing my fingers for three hundred more!


//


I think the post before this may seem intriguing to some. And if you haven't already noticed, well, I like keeping things vague. I like being cryptic :> But let's get the records straight -- I don't have a boyfriend. Just so we're clear :) I just happen to be a regular 17-year-old girl who met a guy and really liked him. I tried downplaying this for the last six months but I guess some things cannot be hidden forever.

Sometimes things happen when we least expect them. I've made some decisions that I don't necessarily regret but wish to have turned out a different way. Things could have been better, things could be so much greater than how they are now. But what is there left to do but just let things be? I didn't always like the phrase, "We'll see," because it's a double-edged sword -- does it mean the end or just the beginning? It seems so unsure. It's like venturing into the unknown and having no idea if you can come back alive. And I hate being unsure.

However something about this situation, this person, makes me find solace in the uncertainty.


//


This week is full of birthdays and rains.

Yesterday classes were postponed much to the delight of everyone. Me, initially, not so much. I stayed up all-night finishing a paper for the quantum theory of turbulence and reading an inch-thick worth of readings for another subject. However, after the initial annoyance wore off ,I felt intensely relieved -- NO CLASSES! Wooooh! I haven't experienced cancellation of class in such a long time already, something I missed in high school. So yeah, who was I to complain?

It was also Ria's birthday yesterday. Had so much fun with CrEngg! We just hung out at our dorm and at KFC Katip. Nothing else to do anyway since it was raining practically all day :)) And we played, what else, Killer Killer! Hahaha. But tomorrow is Ria's debut. Wooh, party time! \m/ Can't wait!

Then, tonight I went to Keng's birthday celeb and met up with high school-mates. I missed the familiar noise and asaran of long-time friends! Haha. The best part of the night was The Book of Answers which Inna, Tin, and I now fervently believe. :))


//


I held The Book of Answers in my hand. Inna and Tin were waiting. I closed my eyes, whispered the question, held the book tight, and opened the page.

"It is certain."


Ano baaa.

I leave it all to you, Fate. I leave it all to you.

I am in Stereophonics mode.

Next to Paramita and the OTH Friends with Benefit album, it's the Stereophonics I go to when I'm feeling sad, confused, awesome, or all of the above. I regret not having discovered them sooner. But, I'm glad too that I only got to appreciate them lately otherwise I would've attached their music to things of the past and certain moments of my present life wouldn't have had Stereophonics playing on the background.


That's one thing about me. I always try to put a background music on particular scenes in my life. As if everything is straight out from One Tree Hill or some other teenage drama show, a song is designated inside my head as a situation unfolds before my eyes. It's just automatic, like I have a permanent iPod on shuffle mode attached to my ears. I heard the opening riffs of Angels and Airwave's The Adventure as I received my high school diploma. Brighter Than Sunshine by Aqualung was playing in my head when I was walking from Physics to AS while holding hands with someone. And Meg from Hercules was pestering me all week last week with I Won't Say I'm In Love. It sounds crazy I know, but it's not as if I'm consciously assigning songs in my mind. Sometimes they just happen. And forever will that memory be emotionally involved with that song. Everything becomes clearer and worth-remembering because of a song.


Last Friday was supposedly the most eventful moment in my so-called love life (or lack thereof). A guy, a girl, a chicken-and-rice value meal, rain heavily pouring outside, a confession -- what could be more dramatic than that? And yet, the iPod inside my head failed me. It went dead. No epic piano riffs, no goosebump-inducing chorus, no melancholic final chord. Nothing. Just the noise of people around us, and the constant nagging of the voice inside my head.

The thing is, I get lost when certain key points in my life transpire and no song plays out. It's as if I'm grappling with what emotions to feel, what actions to carry out. I'm at a loss for words. It's so strange but I can't seem to feel anything without the right themesong on cue. So how was I supposed to pull it off without the proper song to back me up?

I was struggling. What to say, what to do, what to feel.. WHAT?
That one moment where I needed a song, that one push -- and I fell apart.
Whyyyyyy neuro-iPod, why?

Everything that happened was a blur. I can't even remember the exact details of that night anymore. All I know is that, that night was (musically) silent -- in my head, at least. If my life were a drama show and last Friday was the season finale, the screen just faded to black. No ending montage of scenes with a larger-than-life instrumental in the background. Nothing.


And then this morning I heard the familiar opening beats of Stereophonics' Dakota. Suddenly, the DVD player inside my head (yes there's an entire portable media system all cramped up inside my neurotic mind) started rewinding, and the whole Friday night started replaying in my head.. with Kelly Jones' vocals providing the perfect backdrop to the scene.

Closure. Or something close to it. That's what I feel.
The sting lingers. But now the healing can finally begin.




You made me feel like the one.

I've always loved sundaes. I'm a huge ice cream addict in general, but there is something about a sundae cone that always pulls me in for an irresistible bite. There is something about that rich, creamy explosion of vanilla that sends tsunamis of fulfilling sensations in my mouth. Unknown to many, I love vanilla or any vanilla based flavor because much like an all-time favorite karaoke tune or your most comfortable pair of jeans, you never go wrong with vanilla. It's sweet, safe, and makes you feel good.

My days are usually very vanilla. Nothing really spectacular happens but they're okay. I go to class, I listen to the prof and take down notes, I meet up with friends -- the typical. No sudden headache-inducing setbacks or adrenaline-rushing moments. It's just.. okay. Normal.

Well, today was nothing new. Today was as vanilla as all the other days. It rained around two o'clock as usual. Everything was muted to the predictable overcast that comes with the weather. I was ready to lie down in my bed and contemplate on my CW100 paper due tomorrow. I was all set to finish my routines and end the day. It was so vanilla -- melted vanilla ice cream, almost.

And just when my day was coming to a close, I suddenly had a pouring of good old hot fudge :)

Rude awakening: Now that I think about it, it's ironic that my "sundaes" are almost always figurative. I want a real actual ice cream cone right now. Sometimes no matter how happy I may have been because of a dollop of metaphorical chocolate syrup and a spoonful of symbolic strawberry sprinkles, nothing beats the real thing. A sundae might just be what I need to give me that little push to help me finish this CW100 draft.

Dial 8-Mcdo?

For the past few days, it's been raining cats and dogs every afternoon, around two o'clock. I don't mind the heavy downpour, in fact in most occasions I love it because it gives me the license to be all mushy and sentimental. I like the broody feel that is naturally emitted by everything that surrounds me when it rains. It's as if the world has been notched down one shade darker and suddenly everything is gray and pleasant. I also like romanticizing rain as much as you all do.

What I don't like is when reality has to settle in and I actually have to rush through the rain. Even with my trusty umbrella in hand and my super kick-ass pink jacket on, I still end up wet. Also, I hate that after just five or so minutes of intense pouring, the sun comes shining out immediately and it's all hot again. GREEEEAAAT. Then I feel all sweaty and icky afterwards. Getting wet or sweaty per se is not the problem, it's the aftermath of both: COLDS.

I hate the feeling of having to *sniff sniff* every second or so, because it just keeps dripping despite continuous blowing! Ugh. It feels gross. And it is gross. No-Drowse Decolgen temporarily relieved me (and saved me from falling asleep in my STS class) but the colds are back to haunt me tonight. Oh noooo. I wish, however, that this is only the result of the quick weather changes and not exactly a symptom of a certain dreaded flu virus. It cannot be. IT SHOULDN'T BE. I finally got myself motivated for school.. somehow.

-----

The question for tomorrow's PanPil19 paper is, "What was your most erotic experience?" and the prelude to that is, "What is the most sensitive part of your body?"

How do I answer this?! Sure, we're all teenagers with occasional hormonal moments every now and then, but how do I put this down on paper? I have considered inventing, just 'cause I've always wanted to try writing something -- ahem, sensual. But alas this isn't my CW100 class. Or even CW198 (Erotic Writing) for that matter. This isn't supposed to be fiction; it's asking me for my own experience. My own. Oh God, what to do what to do what to do.

I guess that's up to me to find out and write down for the next few hours or so. I have the whole night to lay down and "reflect" about this. Of course, the paper will be for my professor's eyes and mine, so perhaps there is no problem in letting it all out.

Not that I have anything to let out in the first place. Haha :))