• I passed in La Salle, Ateneo, UST and in the University of the Philippines! It was most certainly the best month of my life! Passing the four most prestigious universities in the country is definitely one of my biggest achievements ever. I really didn't think I would (and could) but I did, especially UP: my dream school since I was in kindergarten! This was the month that really opened the doors of the future for me. It was the beginning of a new chapter in my life -- and everyone else's too! We were going to our dream schooools! \m/

• Had my last long test ever in St. Paul!
• Got my yearbook photos. Yikes! :)) I looked like I had a nosejob!


LOL =))=))

• As one of the major projects of the SCC, we went to Bilibid for our yearly outreach program. It was my first time there, and to say that I was moved would be an understatement. Everything about that experienced really changed my outlook on prisoners, and life in general. That trip taught me a valuable lesson -- everyone deserves a second chance. And that forgiveness goes a long, long way.
• I learned to enjoy Calculus. -- HAHA, UNBELIEVABLE, I know :)) But yeah, for a while I did.

• Graduation Ball! One of the best nights of my life! It was a night worth remembering -- from the pre-ball preparations, to the food, to the dancing, and even to the last minute of the program.. everything was just so surreal. It was admittedly one of my prettiest nights too. Haha! *winkwink*
• Gratitude Night. The first time ever I got to sing onstage. Haha. Feelingera ako eh!
• GRADUATION! Of course, this was the highlight of my entire year. I was finally leaving the halls of my beloved alma mater, St. Paul College of Paranaque, with a Loyalty Award and a Second Honorable Mention medal. All my hard work has finally paid off, and it was time to reap the fruits of my labor. Hooray!
  
  
  The Top 5! :)

• I basically just continued my love affair with Edward Cullen. I was always a very determined bookworm. I wouldn't stop until I get the next installment of whatever book series I am currently crazy about.. so it was only obvious that I went to every PowerBooks and Fully Booked branch in the Metro in search of Eclipse. "Nananananana! Never giving up, giving up.. never giving up!"
• I got a haircut after X months of sporting my long almost-waist-length hair. I figured, soon I'll be in college and I'll be needing a new look. Thus, the Karla College Look. (My rebond wore off too, which made this look completely new, because for the first time in God knows how long I didn't have straight hair!)
• First ever pre-enlistment for UP Diliman. It was such a nerve-wracking process simply because I had no idea how the whole thing worked! I had to surf at least five other websites and consult UP friends just so I can do the pre-enlisting correctly. Luckily, I got everything on the first go (thankyouverymuch, Freshman priority!) and had the luxury of having Inna an Drea as classmates in PE!
• I got into my Classics phase. I started reading Jane Austen, Charlotte Bronte, Emily Bronte, and the likes. I most especially loved Pride and Prejudice. I'm still very much into the Classics, and I'm well on my way to finishing William Makepeace Thackeray's Vanity Fair.
• Megan Fox was hailed FHM's Sexiest Woman Alive. I just have to include this because I have the biggest girl-crush on her!

• Freshman enrollment and orientation. Two of the most exciting days of my life. Truly, my journey as a UP student is about to begin. It was on these two fateful days that I got my first taste of the infamous "pila" -- everywhere I went, there were lines here and there! I saw hundreds of other scared and anxious faces just like mine, and somehow felt relieved that I was not alone. I met my blockmates and now my current kabarkadas, Jamie and Andy too. It was just all too overwhelming for me, but it was exciting all the same. I learned the UP cheers too, taught to us by none other than the UP Pep Squad! UP Fight! :)
• Vanessa Carlton. I got to watch her perform live at Trinoma. I swear, I fell in love with her music all the more! She is such a wonderful musician and I really look up to her. It was me and my mom's Mother's Day date.
• Dorm. We started shopping for Inna and I's dorm, and boy did it get me excited! I can't believe I will be living away from home 4 or 5 days a week! It made me feel all grown-up and independent. I think the idea of living in the dormitory was a reminder to myself that I was no longer a little girl, but in fact an independent lady. Yes!
• Bangkok trip! Thailand has got to be my second favorite country after ours. Our trip this summer was my third. And obviously it was spent for the thing us Vistan girls loved the most: SHOPPING! We went not only to MBK and Chatuchak, but also to Platinum Plaza, City Center, and Pratunam. Trust me, Bangkok is a shopping mecca. 168 does not stand a chance! :P And of course, a trip to Thailand would not have been complete without a visit to my most favorite creatures in the whole entire world: Elephants! ♥ If you still don't know by now, I'm completely head-over-heels in love with elephants, and I will never get tired of playing, feeding, and riding them! I miss Bangkok because it's so similar to Manila yet also completely different. I hope the political turmoil will come to rest so that I can come back and visit again soon.
  
  Karla loves elephants! ♥

• Start of College! This was the official start of my Iskolar life! I cannot even begin to explain and recount all the details of this months simply because it was just so surreal! I met lots of great people from different walks of life, and got a chance to be on my own for the first time in my life. Going to UP was far better than being accepted in UP! I just knew the first day I stepped onto UP soil on the first day of classes that I made the right choice. I could not ask for anything more -- I was going to study in the most prestigious university in the land for the next years of my life! And, I am a Centennial Freshman too, which makes everything just that much sweeter! I feel so blessed. UP kong mahal, woooh!
  
  The Maroon 4!
  Karla, Cathe, Drea, Inna
  
  KAL, baby!
  
• My first Oblation Run! Ayayayayayay! Thank you, Centennial Year! I saw a hundred different.. men.

• July was pretty much the adjusting period. After the hype of the first month came the normalcy. Everything started to settle down and I was beginning to get used to things. Though it was very demanding, I'm glad to say I managed!
• I had my first long exams ever in UP. And yeah, I passed! \m/
• Dark Knight. Oh, I miss Heath Ledger. His performance was indeed very remarkable. Seeing the movie made me remember why I love Batman the most among all the superheroes -- because he's very mysterious and is kind of a jerk, and I'm the kind of girl who wants to demystify her men. *winkwink*
• Kas1 Field Trip to Mt. Banahaw. Hands down, Kas1 was one of my most favorite subjects ever! I had a great teacher, topics I really liked, and beyond awesome classmates! Everyone was just really close and it felt like we've known each other since high school! I terribly miss my Kas-mates :|
  
  Miss y'all, Kasmates!

• WASAKKKK: word of the month, thanks to Drea Reyes.
• Emotional meltdown-- don't ask.
• UAAP Fangirl-ing. I guess it was really just in God's plan to put Inna and I together in one room (the two biggest UAAP fans) so that we can share the love for our basketball fafas. We practically spent the whole month ogling over both the UP Fighting Maroons and Ateneo Blue Eagles. We've had a couple of encounters with them, like the greeting from Jai Reyes on NU107, the ACLE with the Fighting Maroons, and random sightings of Martin Reyes and Mike Gamboa. All in all, having Inna as my roommate is a complete blessing! Love you, Roomie!
  
  Maroon love!


• High school for a day. Because my Kas-mates are just complete geniuses, we decided to wear our HS uniforms for our Kas1 quiz bee. We enjoyed wearing the uniforms more than the actual quiz bee! Of course, we couldn't help feeling nostalgic since we will never get to wear them again, but it's fun to look back and realize that if it weren't for our beloved alma maters, we wouldn't have gotten here to UP. Oh yeah :)
  
  
  

• UAAP! Definitely, the highlight of my month was being there in the gigantic Araneta Coliseum and participating in what seems to be the most sought after sports event in the whole country.. and actually representing a school! :) It didn't hurt that we were the champions of the cheerdance competition too! Woooh! Getting the tickets were soo worth it! UP Fight!
  
  with Inna and Drea!


• The Crush Saga. Yes, my crush-affair(s) reached its peak this September. What, I'm a convent-school girl! Ngayon lang ako magkaka-matinong crush na mga lalaki!
• Wall climbing. Thank you very much, Chalk magazine and other sponsors! I was able to reach greater heights -- literally :P
  
  

• The Chris Tiu Experience. This has got to be the ultimate icing on top of my UAAP fangirl cake! Imagine our luck when my tita got Inna and me tickets to GMA for the taping of Chris Tiu's Pinoy Records! It was so surreal. It was on such a short notice but who cares? Anything for Chris! When we finally got face-to-face with him, there was this 3-second silence because Inna and I just couldn't believe we were standing in front of our crush-to-end-all-crushes! OHMYGOD. He was so kind and so gracious, he even had small talk with us and asked where our dorm was! I remember everything he said :"> He even asked if my name was spelled with a K! :""""> I fell in love with him all over again that day.
  
  
  October 10: I'll never forget this day ♥


• First real sembreak! Back in high school, sembreak meant the long weekend after Intrams week. In college, it meant a month of no academic-related things! Yeaaah! \m/ It gave me all the more reason to love October.
• Pre-enlistment for 2nd sem. Wow, this time around, luck was not really on my side! I had to go through three batch processes just to get what I needed. It was definitely like joining the lottery.. I had to hoard subjects just so I can complete my 15 units. Luckily, I got out alive, and I'm currently loving all my subjects! Yeyy.
• SEVENTEEN. I still really think that 17 is the epitome of your youth. It's the year I've always been looking forward to and I'm determined to rock it! I can't wait for what's in store for me as a 17-year-old, because there are so many things that could happen! I'm just really thrilled to be growing older, and hopefully, wiser.
  
  with high school friends :)
  
  with college friends :)

• Twilight. You can say whatever you want to say about it, but I liked the movie. Period. :)
• Second sem begins. New subjects, new classmates, completely the same level of stress and anxiety! Hooray :| HAHA. But I honestly love my subjects now compared to last sem's.
• My lola passed away. This has got to be one of the toughest times for our family. I miss her terribly.

• OBLATION RUN! I think this was very recent enough, it needs no further explanation :P
• Christmas with my family! Enough said :)

It's been a while since I last wrote you a real letter -- well, actually it's been years. Did you even notice? I'd like to believe so, since you seem to be the most magical man in the world. I mean, how else would you know I lived somewhere in the south of Metro Manila and have my present delivered by the eve of the 25th if you didn't know me at all? How else would you know that I've been consistently good in school and that I deserve my gift? You knew me. That's what the Christmas carol about you said -- and it seemed to be pretty true.

No, Santa, I won't be asking any toys from you this year. Don't you worry. At least that's one kid less in your list (that is, if I'm still on your list -- I think I've been mostly nice than naughty this year. HAHA)

I guess I just wanted to say thank you for always making Christmas a truly exciting and memorable experience as a kid. I can still vividly remember the anticipation I felt every 24th of December as I lay in bed waiting for your sleigh to arrive. I never caught a glimpse of you, but I knew you would pass by. And true enough, every Christmas morning, there underneath our tree would be your gift. The gift I secretly wished for since September, the toy I drooled over every time we passed by Landmark's toy section, the present I've been longing to open. Yours was always the one I looked forward to because you were special -- you only gave once a year, and yet it was always right. Always a bull's eye. It was always perfect.

I remember receiving a Barbie typewriter from you in second grade. It was one of the best among all the gifts you gave. It can type on actual paper with real ink, and I would spend the rest of my Christmas vacation just typing anything there -- from little short stories to even the most mundane things like the complete names of all my close relatives. I could not imagine how I had lived the past seven years without this typewriter. I could not think of any other eight-year-old who had a typewriter. I felt so grown-up, so important. It was cooler than cool. Of course, it didn't hurt that it was pink and had the Barbie logo on it. I honestly couldn't remember anything else I received that year. I recall telling myself, "Santa is the bestest awesomest man in the whole wide world," and honestly believing it. You really were extraordinary. And every year, you never let me down.

But what happened in the Christmas of 2001 was probably the most heartbreaking of them all. I accidentally discovered a secret. That year was not supposed to be any different from all the others -- I got an awesome gift again (a Barbie cash register that really scans bar codes from the Barbie items and Barbie credit cards) and I was once more so convinced that you were the most amazing man ever. I was busy showing it off to my cousins and other relatives, when one of my lola's maids accidentally pointed out that my cash register was kept in my lola's house by my parents until Christmas. Of course, my mom denied it, but I already knew -- you weren't real. You were a freakin' imaginary person. I think that was the first heartbreak I ever experienced. How could that happen? HOOOOW? I have been dooped, and I couldn't believe it.

I didn't really had a hard time accepting the fact that you were a fantasy though. I mean, I was already 10 years old that time, and somehow I was already starting to question your existence. But what hurts the most was the fact that next Christmas, there'd be no more Santa. You have been such a huge part of that holiday, I couldn't imagine a Christmas without you. What will I be looking forward to? No more letters to write on September. No more tossing and turning on the 24th, wondering if you came. No "major" gift to open on Christmas morning. Nothing. My Christmases have all been ruined.

And yet here I am, writing you a letter. I'm thanking you still, even if you caused me a pretty unfathomable anguish at ten. Why? Because you were the one who made me feel an indescribable wanting for something. Want. It's such a strong word, and it is quite funny that I learned it from you. To quote Oscar Wilde,

"We can have in life but one great experience at best, and the secret of life is to reproduce that experience as often as possible."

You made me want to replicate that experience year after year because after I lost the idea of you, I was determined not to lose the feeling. So whenever I want something (and not necessarily material things) I push myself to strive harder so that I can get it. I work hard for it. And yes, often by being a good girl all year round. You taught me a valuable lesson: nothing is impossible if you really, really want it. So I guess I haven't really lost you then, because I carry you around wherever I go. Even if our lola's maid ruined the physical idea of you, she didn't destroy the experience of knowing you. And for that, I will always be grateful.

• I passed in La Salle, Ateneo, UST and in the University of the Philippines! It was most certainly the best month of my life! Passing the four most prestigious universities in the country is definitely one of my biggest achievements ever. I really didn't think I would (and could) but I did, especially UP: my dream school since I was in kindergarten! This was the month that really opened the doors of the future for me. It was the beginning of a new chapter in my life -- and everyone else's too! We were going to our dream schooools! \m/

• Had my last long test ever in St. Paul!
• Got my yearbook photos. Yikes! :)) I looked like I had a nosejob!


LOL =))=))

• As one of the major projects of the SCC, we went to Bilibid for our yearly outreach program. It was my first time there, and to say that I was moved would be an understatement. Everything about that experienced really changed my outlook on prisoners, and life in general. That trip taught me a valuable lesson -- everyone deserves a second chance. And that forgiveness goes a long, long way.
• I learned to enjoy Calculus. -- HAHA, UNBELIEVABLE, I know :)) But yeah, for a while I did.

• Graduation Ball! One of the best nights of my life! It was a night worth remembering -- from the pre-ball preparations, to the food, to the dancing, and even to the last minute of the program.. everything was just so surreal. It was admittedly one of my prettiest nights too. Haha! *winkwink*
• Gratitude Night. The first time ever I got to sing onstage. Haha. Feelingera ako eh!
• GRADUATION! Of course, this was the highlight of my entire year. I was finally leaving the halls of my beloved alma mater, St. Paul College of Paranaque, with a Loyalty Award and a Second Honorable Mention medal. All my hard work has finally paid off, and it was time to reap the fruits of my labor. Hooray!
  
  
  The Top 5! :)

• I basically just continued my love affair with Edward Cullen. I was always a very determined bookworm. I wouldn't stop until I get the next installment of whatever book series I am currently crazy about.. so it was only obvious that I went to every PowerBooks and Fully Booked branch in the Metro in search of Eclipse. "Nananananana! Never giving up, giving up.. never giving up!"
• I got a haircut after X months of sporting my long almost-waist-length hair. I figured, soon I'll be in college and I'll be needing a new look. Thus, the Karla College Look. (My rebond wore off too, which made this look completely new, because for the first time in God knows how long I didn't have straight hair!)
• First ever pre-enlistment for UP Diliman. It was such a nerve-wracking process simply because I had no idea how the whole thing worked! I had to surf at least five other websites and consult UP friends just so I can do the pre-enlisting correctly. Luckily, I got everything on the first go (thankyouverymuch, Freshman priority!) and had the luxury of having Inna an Drea as classmates in PE!
• I got into my Classics phase. I started reading Jane Austen, Charlotte Bronte, Emily Bronte, and the likes. I most especially loved Pride and Prejudice. I'm still very much into the Classics, and I'm well on my way to finishing William Makepeace Thackeray's Vanity Fair.
• Megan Fox was hailed FHM's Sexiest Woman Alive. I just have to include this because I have the biggest girl-crush on her!

• Freshman enrollment and orientation. Two of the most exciting days of my life. Truly, my journey as a UP student is about to begin. It was on these two fateful days that I got my first taste of the infamous "pila" -- everywhere I went, there were lines here and there! I saw hundreds of other scared and anxious faces just like mine, and somehow felt relieved that I was not alone. I met my blockmates and now my current kabarkadas, Jamie and Andy too. It was just all too overwhelming for me, but it was exciting all the same. I learned the UP cheers too, taught to us by none other than the UP Pep Squad! UP Fight! :)
• Vanessa Carlton. I got to watch her perform live at Trinoma. I swear, I fell in love with her music all the more! She is such a wonderful musician and I really look up to her. It was me and my mom's Mother's Day date.
• Dorm. We started shopping for Inna and I's dorm, and boy did it get me excited! I can't believe I will be living away from home 4 or 5 days a week! It made me feel all grown-up and independent. I think the idea of living in the dormitory was a reminder to myself that I was no longer a little girl, but in fact an independent lady. Yes!
• Bangkok trip! Thailand has got to be my second favorite country after ours. Our trip this summer was my third. And obviously it was spent for the thing us Vistan girls loved the most: SHOPPING! We went not only to MBK and Chatuchak, but also to Platinum Plaza, City Center, and Pratunam. Trust me, Bangkok is a shopping mecca. 168 does not stand a chance! :P And of course, a trip to Thailand would not have been complete without a visit to my most favorite creatures in the whole entire world: Elephants! ♥ If you still don't know by now, I'm completely head-over-heels in love with elephants, and I will never get tired of playing, feeding, and riding them! I miss Bangkok because it's so similar to Manila yet also completely different. I hope the political turmoil will come to rest so that I can come back and visit again soon.
  
  Karla loves elephants! ♥

• Start of College! This was the official start of my Iskolar life! I cannot even begin to explain and recount all the details of this months simply because it was just so surreal! I met lots of great people from different walks of life, and got a chance to be on my own for the first time in my life. Going to UP was far better than being accepted in UP! I just knew the first day I stepped onto UP soil on the first day of classes that I made the right choice. I could not ask for anything more -- I was going to study in the most prestigious university in the land for the next years of my life! And, I am a Centennial Freshman too, which makes everything just that much sweeter! I feel so blessed. UP kong mahal, woooh!
  
  The Maroon 4!
  Karla, Cathe, Drea, Inna
  
  KAL, baby!
  
• My first Oblation Run! Ayayayayayay! Thank you, Centennial Year! I saw a hundred different.. men.

• July was pretty much the adjusting period. After the hype of the first month came the normalcy. Everything started to settle down and I was beginning to get used to things. Though it was very demanding, I'm glad to say I managed!
• I had my first long exams ever in UP. And yeah, I passed! \m/
• Dark Knight. Oh, I miss Heath Ledger. His performance was indeed very remarkable. Seeing the movie made me remember why I love Batman the most among all the superheroes -- because he's very mysterious and is kind of a jerk, and I'm the kind of girl who wants to demystify her men. *winkwink*
• Kas1 Field Trip to Mt. Banahaw. Hands down, Kas1 was one of my most favorite subjects ever! I had a great teacher, topics I really liked, and beyond awesome classmates! Everyone was just really close and it felt like we've known each other since high school! I terribly miss my Kas-mates :|
  
  Miss y'all, Kasmates!

• WASAKKKK: word of the month, thanks to Drea Reyes.
• Emotional meltdown-- don't ask.
• UAAP Fangirl-ing. I guess it was really just in God's plan to put Inna and I together in one room (the two biggest UAAP fans) so that we can share the love for our basketball fafas. We practically spent the whole month ogling over both the UP Fighting Maroons and Ateneo Blue Eagles. We've had a couple of encounters with them, like the greeting from Jai Reyes on NU107, the ACLE with the Fighting Maroons, and random sightings of Martin Reyes and Mike Gamboa. All in all, having Inna as my roommate is a complete blessing! Love you, Roomie!
  
  Maroon love!


• High school for a day. Because my Kas-mates are just complete geniuses, we decided to wear our HS uniforms for our Kas1 quiz bee. We enjoyed wearing the uniforms more than the actual quiz bee! Of course, we couldn't help feeling nostalgic since we will never get to wear them again, but it's fun to look back and realize that if it weren't for our beloved alma maters, we wouldn't have gotten here to UP. Oh yeah :)
  
  
  

• UAAP! Definitely, the highlight of my month was being there in the gigantic Araneta Coliseum and participating in what seems to be the most sought after sports event in the whole country.. and actually representing a school! :) It didn't hurt that we were the champions of the cheerdance competition too! Woooh! Getting the tickets were soo worth it! UP Fight!
  
  with Inna and Drea!


• The Crush Saga. Yes, my crush-affair(s) reached its peak this September. What, I'm a convent-school girl! Ngayon lang ako magkaka-matinong crush na mga lalaki!
• Wall climbing. Thank you very much, Chalk magazine and other sponsors! I was able to reach greater heights -- literally :P
  
  

• The Chris Tiu Experience. This has got to be the ultimate icing on top of my UAAP fangirl cake! Imagine our luck when my tita got Inna and me tickets to GMA for the taping of Chris Tiu's Pinoy Records! It was so surreal. It was on such a short notice but who cares? Anything for Chris! When we finally got face-to-face with him, there was this 3-second silence because Inna and I just couldn't believe we were standing in front of our crush-to-end-all-crushes! OHMYGOD. He was so kind and so gracious, he even had small talk with us and asked where our dorm was! I remember everything he said :"> He even asked if my name was spelled with a K! :""""> I fell in love with him all over again that day.
  
  
  October 10: I'll never forget this day ♥


• First real sembreak! Back in high school, sembreak meant the long weekend after Intrams week. In college, it meant a month of no academic-related things! Yeaaah! \m/ It gave me all the more reason to love October.
• Pre-enlistment for 2nd sem. Wow, this time around, luck was not really on my side! I had to go through three batch processes just to get what I needed. It was definitely like joining the lottery.. I had to hoard subjects just so I can complete my 15 units. Luckily, I got out alive, and I'm currently loving all my subjects! Yeyy.
• SEVENTEEN. I still really think that 17 is the epitome of your youth. It's the year I've always been looking forward to and I'm determined to rock it! I can't wait for what's in store for me as a 17-year-old, because there are so many things that could happen! I'm just really thrilled to be growing older, and hopefully, wiser.
  
  with high school friends :)
  
  with college friends :)

• Twilight. You can say whatever you want to say about it, but I liked the movie. Period. :)
• Second sem begins. New subjects, new classmates, completely the same level of stress and anxiety! Hooray :| HAHA. But I honestly love my subjects now compared to last sem's.
• My lola passed away. This has got to be one of the toughest times for our family. I miss her terribly.

• OBLATION RUN! I think this was very recent enough, it needs no further explanation :P
• Christmas with my family! Enough said :)

It's been a while since I last wrote you a real letter -- well, actually it's been years. Did you even notice? I'd like to believe so, since you seem to be the most magical man in the world. I mean, how else would you know I lived somewhere in the south of Metro Manila and have my present delivered by the eve of the 25th if you didn't know me at all? How else would you know that I've been consistently good in school and that I deserve my gift? You knew me. That's what the Christmas carol about you said -- and it seemed to be pretty true.

No, Santa, I won't be asking any toys from you this year. Don't you worry. At least that's one kid less in your list (that is, if I'm still on your list -- I think I've been mostly nice than naughty this year. HAHA)

I guess I just wanted to say thank you for always making Christmas a truly exciting and memorable experience as a kid. I can still vividly remember the anticipation I felt every 24th of December as I lay in bed waiting for your sleigh to arrive. I never caught a glimpse of you, but I knew you would pass by. And true enough, every Christmas morning, there underneath our tree would be your gift. The gift I secretly wished for since September, the toy I drooled over every time we passed by Landmark's toy section, the present I've been longing to open. Yours was always the one I looked forward to because you were special -- you only gave once a year, and yet it was always right. Always a bull's eye. It was always perfect.

I remember receiving a Barbie typewriter from you in second grade. It was one of the best among all the gifts you gave. It can type on actual paper with real ink, and I would spend the rest of my Christmas vacation just typing anything there -- from little short stories to even the most mundane things like the complete names of all my close relatives. I could not imagine how I had lived the past seven years without this typewriter. I could not think of any other eight-year-old who had a typewriter. I felt so grown-up, so important. It was cooler than cool. Of course, it didn't hurt that it was pink and had the Barbie logo on it. I honestly couldn't remember anything else I received that year. I recall telling myself, "Santa is the bestest awesomest man in the whole wide world," and honestly believing it. You really were extraordinary. And every year, you never let me down.

But what happened in the Christmas of 2001 was probably the most heartbreaking of them all. I accidentally discovered a secret. That year was not supposed to be any different from all the others -- I got an awesome gift again (a Barbie cash register that really scans bar codes from the Barbie items and Barbie credit cards) and I was once more so convinced that you were the most amazing man ever. I was busy showing it off to my cousins and other relatives, when one of my lola's maids accidentally pointed out that my cash register was kept in my lola's house by my parents until Christmas. Of course, my mom denied it, but I already knew -- you weren't real. You were a freakin' imaginary person. I think that was the first heartbreak I ever experienced. How could that happen? HOOOOW? I have been dooped, and I couldn't believe it.

I didn't really had a hard time accepting the fact that you were a fantasy though. I mean, I was already 10 years old that time, and somehow I was already starting to question your existence. But what hurts the most was the fact that next Christmas, there'd be no more Santa. You have been such a huge part of that holiday, I couldn't imagine a Christmas without you. What will I be looking forward to? No more letters to write on September. No more tossing and turning on the 24th, wondering if you came. No "major" gift to open on Christmas morning. Nothing. My Christmases have all been ruined.

And yet here I am, writing you a letter. I'm thanking you still, even if you caused me a pretty unfathomable anguish at ten. Why? Because you were the one who made me feel an indescribable wanting for something. Want. It's such a strong word, and it is quite funny that I learned it from you. To quote Oscar Wilde,

"We can have in life but one great experience at best, and the secret of life is to reproduce that experience as often as possible."

You made me want to replicate that experience year after year because after I lost the idea of you, I was determined not to lose the feeling. So whenever I want something (and not necessarily material things) I push myself to strive harder so that I can get it. I work hard for it. And yes, often by being a good girl all year round. You taught me a valuable lesson: nothing is impossible if you really, really want it. So I guess I haven't really lost you then, because I carry you around wherever I go. Even if our lola's maid ruined the physical idea of you, she didn't destroy the experience of knowing you. And for that, I will always be grateful.

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